My fat epiphany
Thursday, May 10, 2012
It’s amazing how you wake up one day and suddenly realize you’re overweight. It’s like the pounds crept up on you in a magic invisibility cloak, and in that moment of clarity, the cloak is pulled off to reveal that your pants don’t fit, you’re out of shape, and the person in the mirror looks like a stranger. You gaze at that stranger and think, “Wow, you look a lot like a tubbier and less healthy version of me.” Then you smile reassuringly at that pitiful look-a-like and cringe as the reflection smiles back, exposing a double chin. That extra little roll of chub sends a feeling of dread to the pit of your stomach as you numbly acknowledge the person in the mirror is you, and you have inexplicably gotten fat. You’re eyes widen in shock as you take in the changes that you had somehow avoided noticing all this time, and suddenly, you are filled with the desire to scream… and maybe you do scream… “How did I let this happen?!” “What’s wrong with me?!” or my favorite: “Ughh!!”
If this sounds at all familiar to you, then I hope you find consolation in knowing that you are not alone. I’ve been there.
You’d think by now I’d learn, but the truth is that I’ve been there multiple times. I spent my entire life being overweight, limited by the shame and physical restrictions of carrying around that extra lard. One day, I suddenly had a moment of epiphany, I made myself a promise, and I lost 70 pounds. Then amazingly the world was full of flowers and butterflies, I was in a constant pool of sunshine, and there were choirs following me around singing my favorite songs in perfect four part harmony. Everything was right in the world… until my relationship unexpectedly fell apart. I went from complete happy contentment to despair. Suddenly, I was left alone and heartbroken, and in my grief I turned to an old friend for comfort… food.
Well, imagine how dismayed I felt upon my second moment of epiphany, when I awoke to realize in the ten months since my failed relationship, I had gained 35lbs. Now I was not only lonely and sad watching my ex with his new female ‘friend’, but I was in excruciating discomfort from wearing jeans two sizes too small. Take it from me, there is nothing worse than bumping into your ex with his new girlfriend… oh wait, yes there is… bumping into him while sporting an unflattering muffin top and arm fat that jiggles in alarm as you wave awkwardly… yes… that’s definitely worse.
So here I am again, taking control of my life, my health, and my dress size. I’m getting back in the game baby, and this time I’m not letting that stranger with the double chin sneak up on me in my mirror :-)