Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Today is day 30 of the LiveFit program. Which means...I have been on task and following a plan for a whole month! Five more days and April could be a shiny calendar full of stickers right where they should be.
Sounds great, right? Easy! Just 5 more days!
Yeah, not so much. Got a call yesterday which throws a big fat wrench in the plans, as it were. I start my part-time job on Friday from 9am - 5:30pm. Now I'm not so much worried about Friday's workout, as I have a weight bench I can use (in my FIL's garage), but it will be quite interesting trying to adapt the leg routine from Saturday on that thing if they want me to work that day as well.
Add to the fact that I really no longer want to work this job. I applied MONTHS ago. I took a drug test MONTHS ago. And for weeks they just kept telling Hubs they didn't have any hours to give me. And now, just as Hubs is about to make a move in his job and things were starting to look like they might work out again and I might see him again...now this. In all honesty, they asked me if I still wanted the job. I thought about saying no...and then I remembered that just yesterday Hubs' windshield was busted by a flying rock from a state mowing vehicle. I remembered that my credit card needs to be paid off and that Hubs' credit card does as well (though his is much more manageable right now). I remembered how stressed I was last Christmas, and the fact that I'm about to have a teenage son. And I remembered all the reason I applied to this job in the first place. This job is to get us back above water. I'm not saying I'll stay there forever. In fact, unless things with Hubs' new job works out somehow, I may only be able to last through July when football season starts and Ethan will need to be at practice 3-4 times a week.
So I said yes. I sacrificed my sanity, yet again, for the sake of trying to breathe one day.
Hubs' plans and goals for his new job are not certain. It's a store reopening and there's no telling if they'll actually make it this time. And there's no telling if Hubs will catch on as quickly as he thinks he will. And we certainly can't keep going like we are because I haven't been able to breathe in...well, years probably.
So I'm taking the bullet. We take our turns...this one's mine.
For the record, Hubs has asked me not to do it. He told me we'd figure something else out. He told me that I couldn't work every single day of every single week from here to eternity just to get us back where I want us to be (breathing). But he doesn't know how hard it is to sleep at night feeling like I'm failing us. I'm the one who went to school. I busted my butt for three years while working full-time and taking on a part-time newspaper reporting job. I barely slept for three years in order to make a better life for us. And it hasn't really gotten me very far. I'm not sure why. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm just not destined for greatness. But if anything I know I'm not destined to be a quitter. Just like this weight loss thing, I can't seem to say "quit" and admit whatever failures there might be. I can't stop hoping that the next curve will lead to something better.
When I was a girl growing up I had dreams for my life.
When I had children, my dreams grew to include ones for them.
And I haven't been able to make even half of them happen.
So something has to give...and, for now, that has to be me.
Every dime I earn at this second job will go to putting us back in a more comfortable state. Erasing all signs of debt (we're actually pretty good at this...other than my student loans and the car loan, we keep our debt to credit ratio pretty low about 98% of the time). And, if there's any extra, putting some away for that ever elusive down payment on a house.
So, why the hell am I telling you all this?
Well, because I didn't understand what was really going to happen when I said yesterday "It's about to get interesting." (I have GOT to stop saying things prolific like that...it always ends up bad for me!)
Well, because everything is about to get THAT much harder...yet again.
For one, I wasn't hardly able to sleep last night. I might've eeked out about 5 hours here and there...but there was a good 30 minutes or more where I just woke up and stared at the ceiling just wanting to cry but refusing to.
Second, I had gotten pretty used to the eating schedule and diet I set for myself...but that's all about to change as well. I work 8.5 hours. Of course, I'll get a 30 minute lunch break...no problem. I know I can bring my food to work (I hope they have a fridge there somewhere...I know there is a microwave!) for lunch. It's at least 2 snacks I'll have to fit in to my 15 minute breaks (probably along with time to potty)...and not knowing how keen they'll be to me carrying around a water bottle 24/7. I'm pretty sure the only way to really get this done is to start liquifying some of my snacks. I can fit in protein bars, I think, but other sit down with fork and spoon things are going to be hard to get away with...so I'm on the hunt today for protein backed smoothie recipes and things of the like. Honestly, if worse comes to worse, I may have to resort to pre-packaged things like protein bars or sandwiches from the deli (which really aren't that bad), but I'd like to avoid that about 80% of the time because that can just lead to other snacking options...which is dangerous.
The third, of course, will be adapting those workouts to work with what I have. I'll do the best I can and, well, ...I guess we'll see how it goes.
As for yesterday. I managed to stick it out at work all day (not sure I will today....SOOOO tired!! and Ethan's home sick...and the broken window...yeah, there's a lot going on). I went straight to the gym after (I hate the gym at 6pm...these guys sitting around on the machines *I* need resting their sweaty @sses and looking at me like I kicked their cat when I ask them to move, please) and got in my Back & Cardio routine. I stretched the calf REALLY good after the bike, so the PF didn't flare up too bad. (I've come to the conclusion that the bike hurts me as well because it demands so much of my calf muscle, which is probably the cause of the problem in the first place.) I also managed to eat nearly all of the 2800 calories (I forgot a couple things, but nothing big) I had scheduled even though I felt like yakking. (It might be better with the whole workout first, eat all day after thing...we shall see.) Then I went home and took care of the car issue (had to pick up MIL's car for Hubs to drive to work) and finally got home, ate my omelet and was in bed by just after 10 (had to report on the car to Hubs).
Back & Cardio Workout - Week 5
Smith-Machine Body Rows - 1 set of 8, 2 sets of 10
Bent-Over Barbell Rows - 1 set of 8 @ 45, 2 sets of 8 @ 65
Seated Cable Rows - 3 sets of 8 @ 70
Wide-Grip Lat Pulldowns - 3 sets of 10 @ 70
Bent-Over One-Arm Dumbbell Rows - 1 set of 10 @ 25, 2 sets of 8 @ 30
Hammer Strength Lat Pulldowns - 3 sets of 10 @ 110
Hyperextensions/Back Extensions - 3 sets of 8
Followed by 30 minutes on the bike around levels 10-12, keeping my HR in the 140s most of the time. Distance: 7+ miles
TOTAL TIME: 1h 10m
AVG HR: 134
MAX HR: 158
CALS BURNED: 771
FAT CALS: 31%
Even with the little to no sleep last night, I was up around 4am this morning and slowly getting ready for a great gym workout. I was a little late getting there, which meant I had to cut my cardio a little short, but I honestly feel like that can't hurt the PF as much as if I went full-force. The only adaptation I made to this routine was to do "Big/Tiny"s instead of the Roman Chair Knee/Hip Raise. One day...them and pullups...ONE DAY.
Chest, Abs & Cardio Workout - Week 5
Bench Press - 1 w/u set of 8 @ 45, 3 sets of 8 @ 65
Pushups (modified) - 3 sets of 15
Cable Crossovers - 1 set of 10 @ 30, 2 sets of 10 @ 40
Smith Machine Incline Bench Press - 3 sets of 10 @ 50
Side-to-Side Pushups - 3 sets of 10 (5 each side)
Toe Touchers - 3 sets of 20
Crunches with Legs Raised - 3 sets of 20
"Big/Tiny"s (instead of Roman Chair Knee Raises) - 3 sets of 10
Cable Crunches - 1 set of 10 @ 80, 1 @ 100, 1 @ 120
Followed by 15 minutes on the bike on the weight loss program with my HR around 125-135 for a distance of about 3 miles.
TOTAL TIME: 1h 8m
AVG HR: 119
MAX HR: 153
CALS BURNED: 562
FAT CALS: 41%