I don't know if anyone else feels this way, or has had this experience, but I'm very sensitive to my most morbidly obese friends, and sometimes they can bring me down without even trying or meaning to. One of my closest friends and prayer partner is lost in her physical disabilities right now, and those problems, diabetes, and bad circulation in her legs, are being worsened by her compulsive overeating, and probably binging, as well. I have tried to gently help her, offering suggestions that have worked for her before, and my support. She is "passively" rejecting my help, and squeaking through one health test after another. She's playing close to the edge, and I'm beginning to wonder if she really wants to get healthy. I know it's bringing me down. For one thing, I can't share my current success like I would want to, because my joy makes me feel like I'm bragging. Two years ago I lost a very dear friend who was over 600 pounds. His morbid obesity got him in the end, and it was so heart breaking because he was such an intelligent, kind and handsome man, but too fat to live. I suffered the same pain watching him kill himself as I am now with my other friend. He loved to travel and go on adventures, but wound up being shut in to a small studio apartment, criticizing everyone who came to help him. My dear living friend is also shutting herself into her small crowded home. She has family living with her, but it's a dreary environment, and everyone there has every kind of physical complaint, and it's all she wants to talk about. She, like my late friend, always says"we," including me in their mess. It's bringing me down, and being a sensitive person, I may have to back off (again) for a while. Watching my friends suffer from their food addictions and resulting infirmities makes me want to react by eating and overeating. I pray for her and with her, and for myself to be delivered and set free once again from this deadly obsession.
I needed to blog this today just to organize my thoughts and see if what I was feeling was valid, or just selfish. What I have discovered is that my own food addiction recovery, and road to health, is very precarious, and I don't have a lot of strength or will power left over. I look at my friend and I see my own reflection. It scares me, and well it should. I see myself as being just that close to the edge, although I'm struggling in the other direction. I'm going away from the food, not towards it, but I'm beginning to push the envelope with allowable foods. TIME TO WAKE UP AND SEE THE DANGER ZONE, because I'm awfully close.
I'm a little bit clearer now than when I started writing so I will get up and do something, preferably outdoors for awhile. Have to take myself out of the danger zone. I'm too close to the kitchen from here!