8 Month Sparkversary, and reflection on goals...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Hello Spark Friends!
I realized I have been Sparking for about 8 months...part of me is really proud that I have stayed aware of healthful eating and activity for 8 months...part of me is discouraged. When I first began this adventure in June I wanted to get to 130 pounds. I thought that was reasonable for me at 50 years of age...it would be in the "normal" range by 6 pounds...so good. But once I reached that goal weight, rather quickly (2 months?), I wondered if maybe I was settling for 130, and maybe 125 would be a better goal...more in the middle of "normal weight". Since then, I have really struggled to stay within my calorie range, and my weight climbed to the mid 130's and then down, and back up...I also lost sight of healthy portions and habits at times.
I've been thinking about this a lot..and today I reset my goal ticker with a new month...again...I've been trying not to be as concerned with the number on the scale, and more concerned with my healthy eating habits. I know eating in a balanced way is so much healthier for me in so many ways. I've realized that I truly do eat to make myself feel good, but when I eat poor quality foods that feeling only lasts for a short while...and cravings increase and regret and disgust follow. I'm working on getting to the root of the "need" to eat, boredom, pain, loneliness, anxiety, depression?? I've been experimenting with replacing the food with something beneficial to me, and if truly a gnawing hunger pain, eating a balanced snack of healthy foods.
So, while my ticker says I want to get to 125...I may or may not really want to do that. What I REALLY want is balance. I want to respect my body by giving it exercise, but not abusing it by working out too hard. I want to feed my body good quality food, but not deprive myself of an occasional treat. I've had a good taste of this at times during the past 8 months, and I really LIKE that feeling!
I'll be honest, I've done some stupid eating in the past 8 months...shoot...the past 8 days!! I've reverted to bad ways of making myself feel good. I could get really down about this...trash talk myself...but all that does it give me permission to do more poor eating. Instead, I eat healthfully at the next meal, I read motivational articles, Spark a little more....pray for wisdom.
So, I'm learning, a lot! I never thought a goal to become healthier would take me where it has. I'm surprised how much I am learning about myself and I'm learning a lot from my Spark Friends...so many of you really inspire me and encourage me, what a blessing you are! I believe I am becoming more balanced, so I am reaching my goal, one day at a time.