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I'm Feeling Better

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I'm finally feeling better I'm just tired today. I'm going to workout at least 2 more days this week. My work schedule has been changed twice this week. Yesterday I was suppose to close but I worked a midshift & tomorrow, I was suppose to open but I'm working from 8:30-4:30. It's 8 hours but I took it when they asked me instead of the other girl who thinks she should get all the hours. Last night I was so depressed that I cried til my eyes hurt. I cried cause where I'm at in life is what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. So the rest of my life I'm going to be a cashier at a dollar srore. I'm going to live in a house that falls apart little by little everyday. I have to live with the fact that my husband & I are never going to have kids (so I will never know what motherhood is like) & of course since I have low self esteem (about myself) I'm probably never going to get this weight off. It will be like this for the rest of my life & that sucks. I know that my house keeps my warm, dry & out of the bad weather, & at least I have a job (but it's a dead end job). I can't talk to anyone about this cause no one understands where I'm coming from. Well, I better go for now. I just had to let all of that go. It's been building up for a while.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My heart goes out to you. I know sometimes it's hard to find joy when everything around you seems so broken. It sounds like Heather and GrammaCathy have great advice. You're right sometimes you just have to let it all out.

    Prayers to you! emoticon
    3373 days ago
    Fighting depression is a huge battle and I believe it needs to be done in balance. I do want you to still get to a doctor to see if you are fighting a thyroid issue or lack of vitamin D or something else that is easily fixed.

    Back to balance. You can make some changes one step at a time. I actually even made it simpler and made changes ten items at a time. I was so sick it was all I could do to clean house. So I put ten things away and laid down to rest. Then I would sort ten pieces of mail and take another nap. In the long run the nutritional supplements, dietary changes and pacing helped me get my life back. I also lost 50 pounds as a side benefit. I still struggle with depression when I have more than three days in a row of severe muscle fatigue, but I also fight that with positive affirmations. So give yourself three days of grieving and then tackle a project in ten minute or ten item increments that has been bugging you. I can't wait to see how you do. Know we are here and that we care.

    PS: I am subscribing to your blog so I can follow your progress. Your first goal is finding serenity. Everything else will fall in place after that.
    3373 days ago
    I have been where you are and I am sorry that things feel so hopeless right now. You can have better though. You DESERVE better! I will speak from my own personal experience here and am not trying to tell you what to do at all but one thing that helped me GREATLY was talking to a therapist. She really helped me see how I could change things for myself for the better. I also take an anti-depressant but that choice is a personal one. I would never suggest anyone do anything other than what feels right for them. You just sound so down and so hopeless. Please reach out for help. To me, other Spark members, team leaders, your doctor... anyone that can help motivate you and help you get on the right track.
    big hugs!
    Heather emoticon
    3373 days ago
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