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TINATC26
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Is It Time Yet?

Friday, January 13, 2012

This is not going to be a long blog, and I think it's going to come across as somewhat negative, but I really don't mean it to be, it's just one more step on that long journey to self awareness that someday is going to lead me where I need and want to go..so here goes:

Do you ever get sick listening to yourself talk?

I mean, for how long have I battled this battle, said all the things, planned, strategized, read the motivational stuff, pledged..that THIS time is THE time, and then it is not. Sometimes the new battle plan has survived the writing of the blog, sometimes it has died with the last word written..but the one thing all this has in common is that in spite of all my best intentions, I have NOT DONE IT YET.

And frankly, I'm sick of it.

I know it has to be done.

I am wasting time.

I am sick of making excuses, or of having excused being made for me by well meaning people.

I AM SICK OF NOT SUCCEEDING IN THIS JOURNEY TO HEALTH. I know all the things I'm supposed to do, I know all the things I'm not supposed to do. I know with my words, I know with my head, I know with my heart, but then, when push comes to shove and it's time to put up or shut up, I usually end up shutting myself up by stuffing something in my mouth.

I am not going to declare this a call to action, because I have done it so many times before and then fallen pretty much flat on my face. But these words have been rattling around inside me for a long time now, and I just have to put them out there.

I am not beating myself up, but I am looking at myself in the mirror and seeing me, and this is what I am and what I have been for most of the last 3 or 4 years. I have had bright, shining moments, I have had the lowest of low times. I know the place to aim for is in the middle, because that is where we live most of our lives, in the middle. It's not how we deal with the highs or the lows, it's how we react to the everyday living that defines us.

I find it interesting that I so believe in the baby step theory, and yet I feel so overwhelmed at the same time by the task ahead. I KNOW better, yet, I fall victim to the enormity of the journey.

I don't have any grand conclusion, which is different from other times I've written about this stuff.. Usually by the time I end these stream of consciousness blogs, I've come up with a "solution." Perhaps that is for the better, because, as I've already said, none of those "solutions" has ultimately been the way for me to succeed.

Someday, I will be ready to shed the slogans and the pronouncements and just do the work. I hope it is time, for that is the one thing I am afraid I am running out of..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • OMELYN
    Well, by looking at the responses you (we) are not alone like Ramona, said. I feel that your absense from spark, and mine, was "Just nothing new to say"... and focusing on other things while letting it stew. In the years I have know you, I know you are healthier, your weight isn't where you want it, but many things are.

    I hear you on the idea that time is the thing you are afraid of running out of... if I don't make exercise for me a priority soon, I have the same fear about time. It's only me that gets in my way.. I have tools and partners here at my disposal.. it's the will, I lack. And, only I cn provide that for me.

    What I want to avoid is "the big thing" that finally makes me exercise, or makes me finally unable to . I just wonder why I won't do it for prolonged periods. There are plenty of things I do, that I don't want to, why is exersise something I won't? Just makes you go hmmmmm.
    LYMI
    3211 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/16/2012 8:08:08 AM
  • GOLFCHICK2-0
    You are not alone! And it is time. Knowing the right thing to do and doing the right thing are 2 totally different things. Its slogging around until you find the right formula. The balance between life, family, work, time and self. It's time to put yourself first. With a healthier more fit T, it can only make everything else work better too!

    Sending you hugs and support!! Spark ON!
    3212 days ago
  • DETERMINEDJANET
    I could write those words myself. We're going to find our path to success Tina! I just feel it for us this year!
    3213 days ago
  • NYX-GRIMALKIN
    T, when I started SP, way WAY back... as many years as you, I'm ashamed to say it but... I weighed somewhere in the 180's, & thought I'd give SP a try. I am in the 210's. Now, I can blab several reasons WHY, i.e. anxiety levels off the charts, emo gorging, bad experiences, & I'd be validated, BUT... I'm not gonna' go there.

    Instead, I'm gonna' take a look at Edison:
    "The electric light has caused me the greatest amount of study and has required the most elaborate experiments.... Although I was never myself discouraged or hopeless of its success, I can not say the same for my associates.... Through all of the years of experimenting with it, I never once made an associated discovery. It was deductive... The results I achieved were the consequence of invention - pure and simple. I would construct and work along various lines until I found them untenable. When one theory was discarded, I developed another at once. I realized very early that this was the only possible way for me to work out all the problems."

    I said I'm ***looking*** at him, NOT like him. He never became discouraged. Me?!! I'm a dreamer- mostly got my head in the clouds & my feet OFF the ground & when I look at reality I CRASH & BURN, but... he's like an anchor, like YOU, teaching me I've got to sweat.

    Oh, no, I don't want to sweat, I want to glisten, but SWEAT it is. emoticon

    Edison, also said:
    "Pretty much everything will come to him who hustles while he waits. I believe that restlessness is discontent, and discontent is merely the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure."

    Sooo, like you, my old friend, I am discontent & this is a good thing.

    "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
    and...
    "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless."
    and a favorite...
    "The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are: Hard work, Stick-to-itiveness, and Common sense."
    ~Thomas A. Edison

    You ARE made up of those 3 GREAT essentials, T. I KNOW you are!! I've watched you- how you deal, cope, handle *stuff* for a few years now, & it's YOU- it's in your blood, it's what makes up your characteristics, whether you *see* it or not- many of us do!!

    Sooo... hold yer' head up HIGH, T, & put on those tennis shoes cuz' yer' sooo gonna' make it, girlfriend!!


    3213 days ago
  • MUSICMOMOF2
    Sending hugs and prayers your way Tina. You will find the path that you are meant to take. I truly believe that. Remember that we are all here for you. Have a great weekend!!
    3213 days ago
  • _RAMONA
    Hey, Beautiful!

    I hear you on all fronts... and I don't hear negativity... I hear soul-searching. I've been in a similar place recently (I was pretty quiet on Spark because I had nothing to say that was new). I'm also the woman who has had a plan for three years now, and still haven't managed to 'get it done'.

    I also know that every once in a while the stars align and it's easier to 'launch' 'the plan' and the 'right time' cycles around. Each time it does we are more prepared to take adavantage of it, because as platitudinal as it sounds, this IS a journey.

    I've been here all of this time beside you, and I know Tina that, like me, you haven't been doing 'nothing' with this time, and it WILL bear fruit. For whatever reason, it hasn't been THE time, yet.

    For me it was a picture this summer. It was also finding that wee window of wellness and energy allowing me to create synergy. And I have a sense of urgency to drive me because I also know the window can close on me as it has so many times. So, for all it's worth, I'm riding it at far as I can get NOW.

    You'll catch your next wave (or create it), and you will ride it harder and better than ever before... and asking yourself the questions is part of it.

    I'm still really proud to be HERE... beside YOU. I'm praying for your answers for you, and cheering your success because, when it IS time, I know you will get this done.

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}
    Ramona
    3213 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/13/2012 12:50:38 PM
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