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I miss the "old" Sparkpeople community!

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Recently, I wrote a blog. Big surprise, right? In the blog, I got a comment that accused me of being judgmental. IF it was by a friend that reads my blogs regularly, and actually knew ME and not assumed things about me, maybe I could have taken it more to heart. But, it wasn't.

This wasn't the only time this has happened with my blogs. I know I am not alone, either, unfortunately!

With these comments, I have considered each time making my page not public. Ironically, this most recent time a different member from the other one left me a comment about how I inspire them. If I privatized my page, how would I be able to inspire others? For me, I like that I can inspire others to succeed just because I was in their shoes once.

In addition to limiting my ability to inspire others, I have thought about not blogging anymore and/or leaving the site, honestly. emoticon But, than, I knew I would miss my friends too much.

There is no easy solution. I know this. I just miss the "old" Sparkpeople I met 3 years ago where every comment was supportive and I never worried about being judged here. I guess that is what I liked about Sparkpeople the most... no judgements, just acceptance!

Now years ago, it seems I am no longer accepted here just because I have succeeded and live a healthy lifestyle. In fact, I feel like just because I am fit and healthy now that I am more under a magnifying glass, instead of a spot light, like before. It is almost assumed that I could not understand how if feels to be judged on just my appearance.

Really, now?! Can't I?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD8692920
    Ignore those who are judgemental or rude. It is their own insecurities that make them act this week. I am not a member who will be highlighted for making miraculous weight loss. I lost it before I got here. Also, me being thin doesn't mean I was healthy before either! We are all unique here and that what makes us all special. You support others on their journey everyday whether you know it or not!


    3147 days ago
  • LILLI56
    I am so sorry that someone would be negative to someone who has shared thoughts and feelings. SP is a great community, and it has inspired me greatly. I have only lost 30 lbs on my weight loss journey of 100 lbs it has taken over my facebook account almost totally. Facebook is my family and friends yet I find so much more acceptance and concern here on SP! I hope you will continue to inspire new beginners here. Thanks to all who still blog and inspire us. emoticon
    3147 days ago
    Wow, I am sorry you had to experience this type of comment!
    It is unbelievable that on a site you look to for support and a way to escape the everyday scrutinizing that you had to get it here.

    I read that Blog, and you have no reason to feel guilty and the person that left the response needs to go back and reread the blog.
    It sounds to me like you are still friends with these people..you said "you sometimes find yourself eating bad with them"
    Don't let someone who misread your blog get you down..the read only what they wanted to read and misinterpeted it..and as for your ex, he had not right to try to make you feel guilty, you are not guilty, you are someone who wanted to get healthy so that you can live a longer life..be proud of that.
    Your family and friends are simply jealous, and I pray you keep moving forward and don't let this cause a downward spiral, they will follow you in time..they are just hoping you come back to them first.
    Stay strong!

    But don't quit the site, you have done amazing and you do encourage others..it is members like you that reach that point of making your goal that keeps people like me moving forward.

    3147 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/15/2011 10:00:28 AM
    FLAGRL1234 is right, keep going, forget the mean, nasty and unfriendly comments.
    The ones that count are the other ones, it is great to se people who
    has succeeded in their journey. emoticon
    3151 days ago
  • FLGIRL1234
    The people that have gotten to goal are my BIGGEST inspiration on here! It would be a real loss to lose you. Delete the one comment and then move on...after all.. we are fighters and survivors on SP!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3151 days ago
    I'm not on your friends list but we have mutual friends. I myself have had the same problem you are talking about and I did leave spark for several months. I was once so verbally attacked on my page, blogs and pictures that I was very upset. Spark did nothing. They removed my blog and told me to be more positive. The offender leaving nasty remarks had nothing done to them. Fair? I think not. I have had to make my page private and am now very selective about who I accept as a friend. Terrible I know but I have to protect myself on my journey. I do not want any nay sayers on my blog putting me down for my own opinions. Most of us are adults and you would think we could behave but some of us have no self control. I am terribly sorry that happened to you and I hope you find the right solution for you. I agree though, the old community was so supportive. emoticon Keep doing what you need to for you, for all those negative people- there's a few positive ones! emoticon emoticon
    3151 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6372002
    I have recently made my page private, even though it pained me to do so. I'm sure there will come a time when I make it public again but for now, I need to be allowed a little privacy and a little pity party time. For me it wasn't the negative comments that got to me but the (well meaning) positive ones - after what I've been through I'm not just going to be able to flip a switch and get on with life, you know?

    Anyway, I'm sorry you received a negative comment. I, too, miss the positive community vibes we used to have. Even if I very rarely get a negative comment (I'm sure plenty of people think them though!) I see them on my friends' pages and it still gets to me.
    3151 days ago
    oh how often have i judged and mis-judged, only to realize it was all different anyway. now it's hard for me to take anything that seriously. and even THAT'S easy to say!
    because if it's important, i do take it seriously, even if i don't want to!
    (going around in circles, eh?)
    3152 days ago
    Please do not leave. What you write is just what I need to hear. I need to know that success is possible, not just to get weight off, but to keep it off and have a healthy lifestyle. I don't always comment, even when I read the blogs. I am sorry that a negative person felt the need to comment like that. Keep up the good work and keep on blogging! emoticon
    3152 days ago
    ah, you can always delete nasty comments. And also reply back thanking them for their insightful comment and thanking them for finding the delete key!
    3152 days ago
    Say what? You're thinking of leaving??? I think NOT!!! You are not allowed! You leave and I will hunt you down, text you in the middle of the night, in the wee small hours, during spin classes when you're running your next race, and when you're in the shower!!!

    That "leaving" plan of yours is not acceptable. We all need you and your story here. *I* need you here to inspire and support me! You do that EVERY day!

    Love you to bits!

    3152 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2348080
    As the Spark community grows, we are bound to get more people who do not understand the basis of this community. What you described is the results of that growth. Those of us who have been here a while (over 3 years for me), understand the need to be supportive and nonjudgemental and in part it is up to us to educate those who do NOT understand. I hope you continue with SP and help keep this the kind of community where we can help each other succeed.
    3152 days ago
    Old AA expression - it works if you work it...
    And you Savannah are working it. It makes a difference for all of us who are working it too!

    Keep doing it woman!
    3152 days ago
    Please don't go private. I'm one of those people that read but don't comment but need the inspiration. Keep blogging for the quiet ones out here.
    3153 days ago
    You know, most of the time these people who make nasty comments are not happy with themselves (low self esteem) and are clueless -- so they may not even be aware of how hurtful their comment could be. So, I guess I have really found in my own life that I have to really realize that **I** need to be most concerned with what **I** feel. And go on from there.

    I for one would really miss you if you left! I would hope you don't do that.'

    3153 days ago
    Hi Savannah.......
    Most people who feel that they have to make negative comments are people who can't look in the mirror because they don't even like themselves. Often they have very low self-esteem.
    YOU know how much you have accomplished since beginning your journey. YOU are an inspiration to so many. YOU are REAL and SENSITIVE and CARING. YOU hang in there and ignore the people who are really their own worst enemies. They don't count!!!
    3153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10581618
    I think you're awesome! I always try to be supportive of everyone I encounter at SP -- God knows I struggle sometimes and need support......
    It's unfortunate that your experience has been negative on occasion,

    Just consider the source, and "hang out" with the people that support you.
    3153 days ago
    I agree. There are some on this site that have no filter and think that their view is the only one that matters. I just ignore these "haters".

    You ARE in inspiration. You can't please everyone just make sure that you keep yourself happy.

    3153 days ago
    Wow. I can't imagine someone saying such things. I'm sure those are the types of people who aren't going to be here very long. I'm so excited that you're one of our success stories! WAY TO GO! Keep up the great work. I'm sorry that someone missed the whole point of this being a positive supportive community.

    Hope things get better for you. Keep up the great work. You are an inspiration. Once I reach my goals, I'll be back to ask lots of advice for maintenance.

    Spark Blessings

    3153 days ago
    I've had negative comments, stupid comments, WTF comments and a massive amount of supportive comments. Screw the haters, Savannah. There's one in every crowd. Don't let someone that doesn't know you make you re-think anything about yourself, your journey or SP for that matter. You're rockin' it. Carry on!
    3153 days ago
    Put up your protective shield and be a warrior. Remember that some people are miserable (and envious most likely) and like to make others feel that way as well. I may not comment on your blogs, but I read them....and am often inspired. For every negative comment, I'm sure you have 50 more positive ones who aren't even posting!
    3153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5993674
    Oh no! I'm sorry that's happening to you. I haven't yet gotten any nasty or negative comments on my page, but I know if I did I would feel just TERRIBLE (and ANGRY!) Their mommas need to teach them "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say anything at all." Is there a way to block specific users? Let's find out and block these mean people!!
    3153 days ago
  • BAM0827
    You're allowing someone who is judging you by saying you're judgemental ruin things for you? Think about it!

    Spark has changed somewhat but there's still more wonderful people than not on here. I bet for every one icky post you get 7-10 good ones! That's kind of like life. We take the good with the bad.

    Don't let others have so much impact on your happiness - you control that - no one else does (especially a stanger on Spark)

    Hope today is a better day for you!
    3153 days ago
    I wonder if the offender even realizes how inconsiderate they have been. That's so unfortunate.

    There will likely always be some form of discrimination just around the corner -- whether we are still overweight or obese or if we've reached our goal. It's unfortunate that someone felt they need to verbalize their thoughts without proper consideration to how they will be perceived. I know I've said my thoughts poorly, have regretted them, apologized, forgiven myself, and moved on. Unfortunately, it's impossible to take back our words (they remain in cyberspace and often remain in our hearts longer than they should). While it may hurt, I think it only hurts as long as we allow it to hurt us. (Easier said than done.) We have choices to make and I pray that we make the choice that matches our values with the way we want to live our lives.

    I hope that all the good that results from healthy living is not negated by the affect only a few others may have influenced us to the contrary. Your journey has been both incredible and inspirational.
    3153 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6348797
    Aw, I'm sorry! emoticon My take on it is that there's always going to be those people out there and sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and move on. Kermit the Frog put it best "Always be happy. When people are in a bad mood, the last thing they want to do is hang around with happy people"

    Hang in there! It'll get better!
    3154 days ago
    I'm sorry you got some unkind comments on your blog. There are a few people around here who get those. If people don't like something I don't see why they have to comment.
    3154 days ago
  • ANDI_3K
    I am sorry you feel you are not included or accepted here. That is definitely not the way it should be. you are most definitely welcome here. Hang in it will get better.
    3154 days ago
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