I Have So Much Work to Do...
Saturday, September 24, 2011
So here I sit at 5:30 on Saturday morning, up early because my son has a 7 am hockey game.. I'm thinking about all the things that I can see in my house just as I sit here typing that need to be done, and how long it's been since I've given my house a really, really good cleaning, never mind all the projects that are staring at me (going through drawers for the change of season, weeding out clothes that don't fit or are ready to be weeded out because they are more than "gently" worn, cleaning out the pile of crap that has taken over the corner between the end of my dining room hutch and the wall and now spilled out along the next wall..just because it's a corner, it's not like you don't see it. The books I want to read, the projects I want to start. Making that Christmas list early to see if I can get that going early. The jean pants I bought for my son that need to be returned and have been sitting on my dining room table for weeks. The bins of beach bedding and towels that are still piled high in our spare bedroom that need to be taken up to the attic. The summer decor in my family room hutch that needs to be disassembled and the fall decor waiting to be brought out.
Oh, and the eating that needs to be reigned in, and the exercise, that, although I am getting to a lot, I am not getting to enough. The lifestyle changes I need to make to lose weight, to try to control my blood pressure, to get things back under control.
I think about a conversation I had many, many years ago with a therapist, where I said I couldn't stop myself from eating, and he said then you really don't want to, because if you really wanted to you would. Me being able to (then and now) intellectually grasp what he meant, but not own it.
I have, for the most part, been on Spark every day for thelast 8 months, except for the 2 weeks we spent at the beach last month. And yet, I have never felt farther from being on track on my journey to health.
But in the vein of recognizing the problem is the first step towards solving it, I have had this crystallizing moment this morning. I've GOT to get my house in order. The fact that my house, literally, is not in order, is what is holding me back. You know how sometimes you have so much to do that the only thing you can do is nothing?? That you feel paralyzed, that you are driven to inaction thinking that there's just not enough time, so why start?? That's where I'm at right now... And I've run this battle long enough to know that there is only way to fight it: one baby step at a time.
Yes, what do you know, Tina is talking about baby steps. That's because that's the only way to do it. And that is my public pledge..get my literal house in order so that I can get my figurative house in order. I don't have a plan yet, but I've decided I'm not even going to try to make a plan, because that seems too overwhelming. I just need to do one thing at a time as it presents itself to me.
And to all my Spark friends that I have not been there for for oh these many months, I am sorry! I know I have not answered page posts, emails, feed comments, team posts.. Not because I don't care, not because I'm not here. I do care, I am here. And I will try to do better. But first, I must start with my own house..
and off I go...