The Journey (Part 1)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Looks like I'm finally getting around to making an entry about losing weight. I'm going to have to split it between multiple entries over multiple days, I think.
A couple months ago I ordered a pair of shorts online. It was just an impulse buy, because they were having a ridiculously good sale. I ordered a size approximate to what I thought I would need. When they finally arrived, they were too small.
I wasn't too disappointed. I had been kind of kicking around the idea of losing weight in my head a bit. I tried to be positive and think, "I'll fit into them eventually."
I know it's good to have goals when you're losing weight, so that is one of my goals. I like this particular goal, because it isn't tied to the scale.
I've tried to lose weight once before. Last year I lost about 20 pounds. Although somewhat successful, it was a very uneducated, haphazard attempt - I was winging it. I was overexercising and undereating. I was still losing weight, but it just wasn't mentally maintainable for me. When the holidays came, I buckled. I had completely burnt myself out and fell off track. Afterward, I gained all the weight back - probably even an extra 5 pounds.
I likely would've made the same mistake this time around too. I feel like I would've. But then I found this website, and wow.
The direction this site gives is incredibly helpful. People even talk to me and encourage me.
The first couple weeks were still rocky. I assumed they would be. I had headaches, because I was having caffeine withdrawals and not eating as much. I wanted to eat horrible food so badly. It's all I could think about. Unhealthy food really is addicting - no joke. It's so hard to resist when you're emotionally tied in. It's like that movie Supersize Me. The guy is depressed until he gets to eat McDonald's - then he's in heaven. He had developed addiction.
Once I got through a week of going to the gym and not eating terribly, I started to get better. You start to feel good about yourself when you get on streaks like that. I still would tempt myself sometimes. It's incredible how powerful the mind can be. I think it's partially luck that I was able to continue to resist.
At this point, surprisingly, I can control my temptations quite well. There's a certain point you cross where the temptations die down considerably. Even today at my grandparents' I was faced with a kitchen full of take-out American-Chinese food. I would've used to binge on that stuff hard. Today, I had some, but I measured a cup of shrimp fried rice and got a glass of water. It's almost bizarre how my behavior has changed in that respect.
And speaking of water, it's almost all I drink now. I used to go for soda or a big glass of sugar tea when I would eat something. I felt I needed it. But I go for iced water now like I used to go for those things. I don't even think about it - it's just the new habit. A healthier habit. One day it's just instilled in you.
I feel like things are going well right now. I wish the process went faster, because I'm still insecure about how I look, and I still get depressed over it, but I'm actually making progress. I've lost somewhere between 10-15 lbs so far. Once I hit the point I made it to last year, I will have proven to myself that I can do it without burning myself out and without being miserable. And then hopefully I will go far beyond that point.