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Dealing with rejection.

Monday, September 05, 2011

I lied about my second blog entry being about my weight loss effort. Maybe the third time will be the charm.

I went on a date last night. We went to see some live blues music at a festival in St. Louis. The date itself was fun (at least to me), but I could tell very early on that the girl I was with really wasn't into me. No eye contact and closed off kind of body language.

I know you're probably thinking, so what?

Well, I exchanged a few texts with her earlier today. I found that one of the reasons she isn't into me is because she isn't physically attracted to me.

Actually, maybe this blog post will be somewhat about weight loss.

When I hear something like that, the first thing I think about is my weight. I become extremely guilty feeling. Had I started on this journey even just a year ago, maybe last night would have gone differently. I can't blame someone for what they are or aren't attracted to. I can only blame myself for not facing up to the problem for so long.

What makes this more frustrating is that, I'm actually working on it now. I've lost about 10 pounds so far. I'm just not fully there yet. I will be eventually, in some months.

I've been feeling so good about myself the past few weeks. I really have been. And then last night and today put me back in my place.

But it's just one date right? It's not like any date-gone-wrong would depress me like this, it's the fact that last night was a perfect symbol of how lonely I am, and how I somewhat relate it to the fact that I'm overweight.

What if she wasn't even referring to my weight? I wouldn't know. My weight is my biggest insecurity. It is one of the only major things I really dislike about myself. I'm not full of myself by any stretch, but I also do not have low self-esteem. I don't think I'm actually flat-out ugly, I don't think I'm boring, I can make people laugh, I'm not a jerk, I'm not angry, I'm not controlling, I'm accepting, I like to listen and talk, I like to genuinely connect, I'm a romantic, I am in it for the real deal - but I'm overweight.

It feels pointless to continue to attempt dating for now, until I'm more physically transformed. I hate to look at it that way, but it feels so true, and I'm currently unable to see it any other way. It takes an extraordinary amount of time and effort for me to get a date, and I feel I'm squandering it all on this inferior version of me.

I know that isn't a healthy mindset, but I feel defeated and lacking in confidence today.

I'm done venting.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HEALTHYFOODIE2
    #1) From your pic, your a good looking man
    #2) you've got dimples, always a winning feature.
    So if you got a little more wt on than you want, #3) YOUR WORKING IN IT and that's a major positive point.

    If she couldn't see these 3 positive things (along with the other personality positives) she is probably going to miss out on a lot of other good things that will come by her way in her future. If I were you I would feel sorry for her as her blindness is going to cause her pain in her future.

    Specially when she bumps into you when you've reached your goal, with your added muscles, as you breeze by her with another woman on your arm !! LOL
    3301 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10201374
    I know exactly how you feel. The last time I went on a date was last November. After that I really started to notice the weight gain and I didn't want to date anymore. I was self-conscious when I was 20lbs overweight, so 60 was the worst.

    I am very lonely as well. It can get so depressing. Lately I've been pushing myself to lose weight by reminding myself how much more comfortable I would be dating once this weight is off. As weird as some people may think it, if a date doesn't go well, I want it to be because of my personality and/or beliefs, because I know those are things that is not my fault and I can never (or even try to) change for anyone. Having the thought that it could possibly be because of my weight makes me feel badly because that is something that is my fault (like how you were saying).

    I'm sorry your date didn't work out. But I agree with the others, if you want to lose weight for the dating field, remember to do it so you feel better, confident. I truly the believe the confidence we will gain from losing weight will attract far more dates than losing the weight with the mindset of impressing others (which breeds insecurity).

    I know we will make it through this, even with the painful setbacks. We just got to keep picking ourselves up and always remember the important reasons we are taking this journey/battle.

    emoticon
    3301 days ago
  • SSOUNDASLEEP
    Venting helped. I appreciate the comments. emoticon
    3301 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6266064
    So not worth it!!!! Move on ... Remember the best is yet to come!!!!
    3301 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    I do not know where you got connected with this female, BUT if she is attracted to ONLY looks, you are not missing out on anything!!
    It is not the right person for you or anybody else less shallow than she.
    Evenif you just need to tone up or lose some to make YOU comfortable in your skin(no pun intended), please do not let immature people make you second-guess yourself.
    When you least expect it, you will bump into somebody, maybe a friend first, but that is the best person to date later!!
    Get with a group who may invite somebody else to a group thingie,, don't feel that going anywhere is a waste of your time.. I cannot see a full body shot of you in your pics, BUT even so, you have a great smile, cool hair and seemingly nifty tees to wear.

    Cripe, if a guy was in a wheelchair or used a cane or had one eye, if he was a great person,( I would take more than one ate to find out) it would not be the only first impression I had of him.
    I have to assume that this female was perfect in every way, no flaws, ,,,

    The only thing she rejected was having a good time and her chance to find a great man... her loss!!!
    3301 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10600301
    Let me tell you a quick little story... I met my now hubby online and we had exchanged emails and chatted online for about a month before finally meeting... when we did meet, I was a little bummed out... he was 'larger' than I had expected... (not that I was skinny, so who was I to judge). For a few seconds I actually thought about making some excuse that I had to leave, but figured, what the hay... I'm already here...

    Best decision I ever made! We walked around town and talked for hours... he is funny, sweet, and totally loveable. If I had walked away I would have missed out on one of the best things that have ever happened to me.

    Please don't let this get you down. Like you said, its just one date. And that perfect girl for you is out there. But keep working on yourself, because I know it sounds cliched but its true. No one can truly love you till you love yourself.

    emoticon
    3301 days ago
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