short and sweet, or rather... sugarfree :)
Friday, August 12, 2011
Just a quick update.
During vacation I didn't do so hot, and when I came home (just 2 weeks ago) I had new resolve. Made deeper and greater by reading a book my mom started/stopped/passed on. It's called "Made to Crave" by Lysa T--something, I'll get the info if anyone wants it.
I highly recommend this book to any Christian girl who struggles with weight issues. For years I have known that my issues go deeper than just the fact alone that I like to eat and enjoy food. I've also recently thought of my weight loss journey in a more spiritual light, because the discipline is important. For me, this book tied it together, acknowledged some of the thoughts and issues that were in my mind, and really helped to start over. I will probably expound on this in the future!
My husband says this time is different, he's noticed a change from any other time. So have I. Here's an example... Since being home I have lost about 3 pounds (already amazing since I've been stuck at one weight for a LONG time), and I don't freak out about the scale anymore!
I used to put too much weight (haha) on what the scale told me. Then I'd get upset when it wasn't good one morning and make unhealthy choices. Sounds backwards, but that's how it worked. After seeing 164.4 yesterday (a weight I hadn't seen in a long time) I hopped on the scale today and it told me 167.4! For whatever reason, it fluctuated way up. Yesterday wasn't my best day so far eating-wise, but it was ok, and I have been doing well till then. After a slip up and crazy scale increase, old self would probably pout and decide to bake fresh warm cookies. New self (I am a new creation in Christ and should be acting like it!) didn't care so much. Tomorrow will read differently, and even if it doesn't yet, it's about the discipline right now! I still got up and made a tasty bowl of oatmeal, I'm going to keep watching my portions and monitoring when I really feel full... I feel freer! Like I know that it will happen this time because I really am committing to a lifestyle change.
Lifestyle change. That's something I heard and even said but must not have felt. It's not a restraint, it's freedom. I want to feel like I'm in charge of my eating, and now I feel like I can ask God for help. Of course He cares about an area of my life that isn't disciplined, and He wants to be my comfort instead of food.
I'm glad I like food, I'm glad I like to cook and bake. So many thoughts going on in my head, it's probably all coming out jumbled. The point is, I think I really have finally reached that point where I am honestly ready to... just eat till I'm full. stop running to food out of boredom or for comfort. choose the healthier choice. keep treats a treat. I feel... excited. free. nervous, because, after all, this is only week 2 :) But it really is different this time and with God's help will continue to be so.
I had two pieces of pizza out for lunch (homemade and pretty healthy) and towards the end of one I was feeling full. I quickly gave the other piece to my husband before I could change my mind. I can't remember the last time I stopped at ONE piece! And do you know what? I was satisfied, I enjoyed every bite, and I'm not sitting here wishing I had eaten more! I know that someday again I will have nice healthy pizza and I don't have to feel like I'll never get another piece if I don't eat 4 pieces NOW :)
I have started running again, taking it easy and slow. I ran a half marathon in March, but oh, how soon the body forgets if you let it :)
I'm excited about some of the spiritual epiphanies, if you will, that I have had over the last couple weeks. I'm not saying that to brag, not at all. If anything, it is humbling to see what has stopped me from losing weight, and I feel silly I haven't prayed about this more before now. It's not a big church topic, and I really am glad that a like minded Christian woman stepped out and wrote "Made to Crave"... Worth the read!!
I will keep you posted, good days & bad. Thank you Jesus for this new chapter in my journey-- of life and food :)
ps. not so short, but sweet!