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No more "convenient" friend

Thursday, August 11, 2011

You're always there for them... they come to you when they need you. When they need a laugh, support, a shoulder to cry on... then something happens and you need someone to talk to, someone to turn to, to listen, comfort you or put a smile on your face. Sadly, the person you've invested quite a bit of time in is busy or not interested, or gives you a pat on the back, a "suck it up".... or a simple "it will be ok".
You need to someone to just listen, but suddenly they have all these problems and stresses to tell YOU about, because their life is harder than yours or their problems are more pressing than yours.

Ouch right?

I have had WAY to many convenient friendships. When you're my friend... you become my family. I will do anything for family.
I've cut some people off because I just can't handle it, BUT the minute they have some crisis and come to me, I immediately go back to how I was before. I do whatever I can to help in whatever way I can. Afterwards, I will think to myself "I was there... this will be the time they remember and when I need them... they'll be someone I can go to."
Next thing I know... I'm stressed out, something horrible happened, OR I'm SUPER excited about something! About a great run... about a goal I reached(or passed), the scale, some sort of success that I just want to tell someone ALLLLLLLL about!

"good job. that's great."

Ohhhh yes.... I can just FEEL the enthusiasm!

I then come crashing down to the thoughts "Maybe it's NOT that big a deal if this person or that person doesn't seem to be too excited for me."

Oh, but then there are those SELECT few who ALWAYS get excited for me, then I wonder why on earth I even call the "other" person my "friend"?

OR

They DO get excited for me at some point and the circle starts all over again- "they've changed, they've changed!!!"

If Only.

Sad stuff eh?

I have been a convenient friend for so long, it's a habit hard to break I guess.

I just hope I'm never like that to someone else. I just feel like it's taking advantage of someone... and I HATE that.

Some people could read this(since it's a public blog) and wonder if I'm talking about them... I'm not talking about any one individual... but I do have several people in mind.
I guess if you think I'm talking to you, you've come to realize how our friendship works... question is, do you want to change it?

People step in and out of my life pretty often. I recently reconnected with someone and we were both SO excited about it. I heard a lot about their problems and supported them, encouraged them. Now I've been trying to get in touch with them, and I get nothing.

Sure makes you feel special.

I need to find a way to fix this... but I'm not sure it's fixable. It's my personality and morals versus theirs.

Don't torture yourself by being a convenient friend.... and don't torture others by treating them like a conventient friend.

I'll end my little rant there ;)

Much love peeps

Rock it out!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JULESRINCON
    I can definitely relate. I had to cut one friendship not too long ago when I realized that it was always about her and it was never my turn, no matter what happened in my life. It is hard to have "friends" like that, and even harder to let go. emoticon
    3513 days ago
  • GOGETTERGIRL
    Oh, been there and done that! Had enough crap off one of my former friends to last a lifetime. Well, since I am trying to make postitive changes in my life, I have decided that enough is enough. I have just defriended her, although this goes against my morals and values. God knows I just cannot take more of her being a convienent friend; her behaviour is abusive and has taken its emotional toll on my life. I think there is a time to stop a relationship that has become nothing but destructive.
    emoticon
    3533 days ago
  • WENDEECOURTNEY
    I saw that a friend of mine commented on your blog and when I saw the title to the blog, I had to stalk it. LOL

    I could have written this EXACT same blog!!!! I know how you feel and I am sending you emoticon !!! I had thisvery thing happen to me this summer and it really hit home last Thursday through the weekend.

    It seems to me like you are like me on the friendship front. You are the "ride or die chick" and it is hard not to be there for others, but I have learned (loose term since I always go back, lol) that people will suck the life out of you and not reciprocate. Slowly dissolve them from your life. It will be less stressful and less hurtful for you and that is who is MOST IMPORTANT!!!!

    3539 days ago
  • no profile photo CD10485839
    I struggle with this very thing all of the time. The so called friends that choose not to cheer you on but always have criticism to spread and the ones that are acquaintances are the ones that seem like they love and adore your accomplishments. Just keep keeping on, love you for you and be there for you. Everyone's true colors eventually come out.

    I had a wise friend once tell me that I have to discredit the top 20% of all positive comments and the bottom 20% of all the negative comments because the positive people will always be positive no matter what, so that really doesn't mean anything...and likewise the negative people will always be negative no matter what, so you shouldn't put any stock in that either. It's the ones in the middle that matter. Put your focus on those people in the middle.
    3539 days ago
  • SAFIYAH9
    (hugs)

    Don't compromise who you are because of someone else's shortcomings. In the end, you have to sleep with the choices you've made. Let them sleep with theirs.

    I really hope things get better for you. Not EVERYONE is like that (after all, you're not. So there must be more, right?)
    3539 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6896537
    I'm not sure it's fixable either. Like you, I seem to have that face that says "Please come sit, tell me all your problems." And they do. Then when it's my turn.......nada!

    A line in my favorite song says "....I lost the friends that I needed losing, found others on the way."

    I have ONE best friend that I've had since 7th grade. I have 3 other very good friends. Other than that, just about everyone in my life is an aquaintance.

    I know that I don't "KNOW" you.....but know that I'm here if you need an ear! And I don't have too many friends that you'll get lost in the shuffle!!

    You're doing an amazing job. Keep it up, sweetie. You are SO worth it!!
    3539 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9136158
    Get rid of them, I dumped my own mother in this class too.. They always know when to wreck your weekend, sometimes I hid so they thought I wasn't home..
    3539 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4166978
    I have so felt that way in my life....I give and give and give...then I get let down when I need someone. It Hurts!

    You need just as much support, encouragement, love, and excitement as they do. You are Worth it and you Deserve it....don't think any less.

    Smile Big emoticon

    ~Brandi

    3539 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4166978
    I have so felt that way in my life....I give and give and give...then I get let down when I need someone. It Hurts!

    You need just as much support, encouragement, love, and excitement as they do. You are Worth it and you Deserve it....don't think any less.

    Smile Big emoticon

    ~Brandi

    3539 days ago
  • MOOKBALL
    Thwey are (_O_) 's. Don't fret over them.
    3539 days ago
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