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June 11 2011

Friday, June 10, 2011

I live my life highly stressed, sometimes stress is the actual fuel that gives me the drive to go with my days. The past year or so though I've really been contemplating what life would be like if I lived it in the opposite manner. You know the whole stopping to smell the flowers and being in the present, instead of getting caught up in the rat race (grades, weight, calories, household duties, 5K's, money, investment portfolios) blah. It seems like a lot of noise.

So even though I have been yearning for something different, I have yet to do anything. Maybe the catalyst was my last term of school. Accounting classes up the whazoo, its my last year, and I am mentally falling apart. Everyday busting at the seems, my poor family, but in reflection this has been my life for many years now. That could have been the straw, or my starting of a being very engrossed in the Eat Pray Love novel that promises of a life full of tranquility and pasta. I do know this, I will not be happy if I continue living my life in this manner, and I worry about the longevity of living with such stress.

I'm ready to change, and here are what I think my initial changes are going to be: Im no longer going to weigh myself. Im a binge eater and I binge when I stress, and than I gain weight. The scale stresses me out, counter productive I think. Also on the same lines, no longer measuring the calories, eat when Im hungry, indulge when the food is just that fabulous that you have to, and no longer exercise because "I have to". If I don't feel like running that day I don't have to, i live a very active life, far from sedentary so what does it matter? Plus if I skip a day of exercise its probably to hang out with my son, do you know what kind of workout playing with a 4 year old gives you?

Im also going to blog about my stressors and see what comes of that. Today I was stressed about not sleeping well and having to take a final on very little sleep. I was stressed about not getting the grade I needed on the final even though if I didn't there is an assignment I can do to make up for lost points. Im stressed about my son being sick with a fever, and what to do for "fun" and to "relax" this weekend. Yea Im so bad with the stress, I get stressed about planning fun and relaxation. What a ride this is going to be...
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