Day 286: The Miracle
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Two weeks ago today, I stepped on the scale and realized I'd lost 35 pounds. Wow.
That very day, I binged. Self-sabotage. The next day, despite my blogging that I was recommitting, I caught myself unprepared and went over my point limit. I meant to get right back on track, but before I knew it I'd completely abandoned Weight Watchers for two full weeks. I didn't even journal my food. It was that bad.
Admittedly, they were a rough two weeks. Husband was out of the country for business for the first few days of my eat-a-thon, then the next week was the roughest I've had at work for a long while. I fell back into the "I work so hard that I deserve this special treat" type of thinking that I've used for years.
If I can say one good thing about those two weeks, I didn't fall back into mindless eating. I ate only the things I knew I loved (a lot of the things I knew I loved), and if I didn't love it, I stopped eating it. For example, I ordered one of those new frozen strawberry lemonades from McDonalds and it was horrible, so I poured it out after three sips. That is an incredible step for me. Absolutely incredible.
Today I stepped on the scale and I'd gained 12 pounds. Twelve pounds in fourteen days.
I stepped off the scale, slid back into my shoes and put my glasses back on and literally stood staring at the scale. The mental gymnastics in my brain might have earned me a 10 if there were an Olympic competition for such contortions.
Get back to it...or quit.
Quit. Definitely quit. This is just as hopeless as every other attempt I've started. I can't do this. I'm meant to be fat. I always fail, so why shouldn't I fail again?
Wait a minute...get back to it. This isn't hopeless at all. I gained back 12, not all 35. I can forgive myself (just as my Father has) and move on. I can focus on what I've learned here...mostly that I can't let my guard down. Ever. And I can work to build strategies to handle such crises, because they are sure to happen again.
I've experienced a miracle...I encountered a setback and I DIDN'T QUIT.
Once again, I choose health.