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Day 286: The Miracle

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Two weeks ago today, I stepped on the scale and realized I'd lost 35 pounds. Wow.

That very day, I binged. Self-sabotage. The next day, despite my blogging that I was recommitting, I caught myself unprepared and went over my point limit. I meant to get right back on track, but before I knew it I'd completely abandoned Weight Watchers for two full weeks. I didn't even journal my food. It was that bad.

Admittedly, they were a rough two weeks. Husband was out of the country for business for the first few days of my eat-a-thon, then the next week was the roughest I've had at work for a long while. I fell back into the "I work so hard that I deserve this special treat" type of thinking that I've used for years.

If I can say one good thing about those two weeks, I didn't fall back into mindless eating. I ate only the things I knew I loved (a lot of the things I knew I loved), and if I didn't love it, I stopped eating it. For example, I ordered one of those new frozen strawberry lemonades from McDonalds and it was horrible, so I poured it out after three sips. That is an incredible step for me. Absolutely incredible.

Today I stepped on the scale and I'd gained 12 pounds. Twelve pounds in fourteen days.

I stepped off the scale, slid back into my shoes and put my glasses back on and literally stood staring at the scale. The mental gymnastics in my brain might have earned me a 10 if there were an Olympic competition for such contortions.

Get back to it...or quit.

Quit. Definitely quit. This is just as hopeless as every other attempt I've started. I can't do this. I'm meant to be fat. I always fail, so why shouldn't I fail again?

Wait a minute...get back to it. This isn't hopeless at all. I gained back 12, not all 35. I can forgive myself (just as my Father has) and move on. I can focus on what I've learned here...mostly that I can't let my guard down. Ever. And I can work to build strategies to handle such crises, because they are sure to happen again.

I've experienced a miracle...I encountered a setback and I DIDN'T QUIT.

Once again, I choose health.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • AMANDAJCD
    That is awesome.

    Self-sabotage is one of the biggest hurdles I've faced myself. You can do this though -- you're proving it!
    3125 days ago
  • TUNIE-
    I cried when I read your blog. emoticon

    Something similar happened to me earlier this month. I didn't have the same weight gain, but I did come to a point where I had to make a choice, and I chose to come back to sparkpeople.

    I sometimes wonder if it will get easier at some point, but for right now, I just have to be super vigilant. I'm not ready rest on my laurels -- I need to keep thinking, keep logging, and keep in contact with my support system.

    I hope that I can be there for you on your journey, too... I believe in you.

    --Trish
    3129 days ago
  • TJHIERS
    emoticon sometimes we learn from our slip-ups and it makes us even more determine to lose this weight, sound like you want to continue to move towards your goal !
    good for you ! don't let that scale defeat you. we can beat it ! emoticon
    3132 days ago
  • SPARKLELIN
    Good for you. So glad you did not quit. and it sounds like you are back on track. believe me I have been off track for months recently so a couple of weeks does indeed seem like a miracle to me too.
    Linda in Winnipeg
    3132 days ago
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