Saturday, May 14, 2011
Okay, I know that I just recently had my restart. And i've lost 5.6 pounds in two weeks. But, I am NOT a patient person, and although i dont need the number on the scale to immediately move down, I'd like my body to LOOK different.
Now, I've been a constant exerciser. Even when I wasnt eating great before the restart, I was still exercising. Anyway, my green capri pants (size 6 remember these?) that were NOT fitting at restart, finally fit again. And I dont mean tightly, they are back the way they were so that was good. Made me feel confident.
So, today I took a trip to Old Navy. They had their swimwear on sale, and as some of you may know, its been a goal of mine FOREVER to be able to wear a bikini in public, confident. I find the ones l like and head to the dressing room to see how they look...
MELTDOWN! I did NOT like what I saw. And, honestly, I dont usually have that reaction. I've posted BAD photos on here before, and I knew they would be bad. Last year I posted bikini photos that were not 'great' but not terrible either. Today, looking in that mirror, I was crushed. The suit fit, but my body, its like I didnt even recogonize it as my own. Honestly, and I feel stupid writing this, i was just sad. I KILL IT at the gym and while running and I feel like I'm not seeing anything for all that blood, sweat and tears.
After that experience, I didnt buy the suit for motivation (the original plan). I left and headed home. I wanted to eat. I wanted to go to the drive thru and buy anything warm and cheesy and fatty. But I didnt. Luckily, I made plans with a friend to workout. But honestly, I wasnt feeling it. Not my usual 'lets do this jillian style' attitude. Got on that treadmill and walked for a bit on a 4.0 incline. Then, didnt want to do NOTHING, so i ran for 30 minutes. I was sweating a LOT so that felt good, and I'm glad I went..but honestly, that feeling in the dressing room is still haunting me.
I can feel my body wanting to binge eat..I already had dinner and i'm wanting more. Its only 7pm here and I have awhile to go before bed, so hopefully can stick on plan. Not feeling super positive tonight, except for that so far I'm on plan. I have 4 points left to use tonight if I want, and I got my exercise in. I've tracked everything I've had to eat today, and have had over 5 servings of freggies.
Hope you all had a great saturday. I'm stayin away from bikinis for AWHILE *sigh*