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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Hi All!

I keep trying to be back on here regularly like a was before. I have not given up. Last October my life had many changes within a short period of time. I know my Spark friends have been wondering what is going on with me, so here is a brief update. Things have been out of the usual crazy, so this is just a basic outline.

I'm still here, but on an extremely limited basis. Last October, my elderly mother moved to town with high expectations of all I would do for her. She needs a lot of care and also wanted me to take over all her responsibilities - paying bills etc, etc, etc. She also had a fantasy of me being with her 24/7 and going to restaurants ( which is very difficult, because she needs so much help) This whole thing has been very strange and a horrible trial. I have not been close to my mother and have spent decades healing from hurts and here the Lord allowed this. We had only seen each other a very few times in the last 3 decades. As a Christian, I had forgiven the past, but I certainly didn't want to deal with any of it again. I have been trying to move in obedience to the Lord's will, but it's been extremely difficult and exhausting. She has not treated my husband and I very well, but she doesn't seem to understand this at all. We are both completely worn out with the effort. She decided to move into an assisted living facility, because she was unsatisfied with our efforts. Now she is unsatisfied with the facility. We get multiple calls a day with requests and complaints. I get called in to the administrator's office with complaints about my mother's behavior. It's been a nightmare. I love my mother through it all. I want her last years to be happy and peaceful. I've tried, but I can't control her behavior.

On top of this major life change, I also started a new job in October and had a grandson born. Also, I've had health problems again and been hospitalized. My husband, also, and he just had surgery. I know God MUST be doing something! I'm being molded by the Lord, I'm sure of it.

I realize the best thing for me to do is to rest in the Lord. Bask in His presence, read His Word and pray. I need to praise Him through it all and keep my joy and peace. These things are a choice, not something to feel like doing. James 1:2-3 says, " Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience." This is an appropriate scripture for where I am right now.

I miss being on SP a lot. I'm trying to get rid of my all or nothing attitude and just be on as much as possible.

I love and miss you. I'm still here as able.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am glad you are able to update us from time to time. You are in my prayers.
    I lost my dad 9/9/09. It was a very stressful time for me then also. But I was able to tell him - I love you, Daddy - on his deathbed and mean it.
    The Lord is molding us daily. It is much easier for Him when I don't try to kick and scream while HE is doing it. LOL! I am so glad that Jesus Loves us. Some days He is the only reason I get out of bed!
    HUGS! HE IS RISEN! emoticon
    3233 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/22/2011 12:52:30 PM
    They are going to kick her out and she will have to stay with you once again until you get her reloacted somewhere else. LOL

    Unless you can get her somewhere else before she comes back with you.

    Has she always been so selfish? Or is this just because she is getting senile?

    My mother was something else and so filled with hate and a foul and dirty mouth and cussing all the time. LOL

    I dont know what to say to you sweet lady. Wow, life sure can be hard.

    Your husband and job and grandson and family is more important then allowing an old selfish hateful woman a chance and room to destroy your life.

    I bet you feel guilty also. Please dont. You have really done your best.

    Cast the care of your mom over on our Lord because He cares so much for you and you know that.

    You can only do so much with someone who is so selfish and then you have to back away or end up sacrificing your entire life and spirit and soul and body to the selfish person who will continue to conrol and manipulate you to an extent that will destroy you.

    Please let peace and love in your heart be your umpire, not guilt.

    It seems to me that you have a lot of guilt,, please walk away from that guilt you do not need it. It is not yours.

    If you never got along with your mother before I doubt very much if you will now or ever. Jest face it. Not all mothers have a mothers heart. LOL

    Especially mine LOL

    I know exactly what you are going through.

    Only God, but God

    Just remember how much you are loved and needed in the body of Christ.

    You are special and unique and you have to respect yourself and be kind to yourself and pamper yourself and love yourself.

    Keep your focus on Jesus.
    3235 days ago
    GF, you have certainly had your hands full.

    I hope you and your hubby are fully recovered now and that you like the new job.

    I understand about your mother. My mother tended to have unrealistic expectations too about what I could do for her. You just have to set limits, be firm, and enforce them. Sometimes we (and the facility) just have to ignore the negative behavior while reinforcing positive behavior.

    Congrats on the new grandson!!
    3237 days ago
    I am praying for you right now that God will help you to continue to count it all joy...knowing that the trial of your faith works patience and patience experience, etc. emoticon emoticon
    3238 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/17/2011 11:08:27 PM
    So glad you posted. You've had quite a plateful, haven't you? I'm so proud of you, leaning on God's strength to get through.

    Even though my mom and I had a superb relationship, we were best friends and constant companions, I still thought I might lose my mind when I moved in to take care of her, and was once again thrust into the 'bad little girl' role. It is so hard, they want to retain control over as much as they possibly can, even though they need to relinquish that control to make it possible for others to effectively care for them. A major power struggle ensues, even in the best of times.

    For you to have to deal with this, on top of a very strained relationship, I'm sure is quite difficult at times. Isn't it a blessing in times like these to have a God to carry us, a team to share with, and Spark to help us keep our health up!

    Hang in there. It does get better. For the first year and half, I took all of mom's complaints personally, tried to fulfill her every whim, and wore myself out trying. It didn't help.

    Eventually, I met the wonderful Sparkers, and discovered that mom's difficult behavior was common, even from pleasant patients. That there are coping skills we can use, including realizing that we can't really make them happy (especially for those who have never chosen happiness). We can make sure they are safe, we can love them regardless of their behavior, we can give them the best care we are able. And for that we strive.

    But it is also crucial that you do things to hold your own family together as well. And your own sanity and health. It is a fine line sometimes, and one that takes much prayer.

    I can only say that in the end, it was worthwhile. I learned a lot. And God has never been closer.

    Hang in there, it sounds like you've already made great progress. Praying you all heal quickly.
    3238 days ago
  • no profile photo RITAROSE
    So glad you posted a blog to let us know what's going on! It also gives us info that we can use to pray more specifically for you and your needs. I doubt that you really know the drain your mother is putting on you. I felt the pressure of it just reading about it! I hope that you can sit down with her and tell her that she is affecting your health in a negative way and that you have a job and a family at home that needs to be cared for. Yes, she is part of that equation, just not all of it! If her behavior doesn't improve she may be asked to move out. She needs to be told that so hopefully she can quit fussing about every little thing. My mother did this too. My brother was going to move her to another state where he lives thinking it would make things better. I told him that no matter where she goes she will complain. She died before he could move her.
    It's so important for you to have parameters for her so that she doesn't infringe on your whole life! So thankful that you are carving out a bit of time for spark people!
    Going for walks or to the gym can sure clear some of the stresses that build up!

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    3239 days ago
    You are missed by one and all. Just keep praying and we will be praying with you and for you and your family. emoticon
    3239 days ago

    It's so good to see you back. It sounds like you've exercised some wisdom in letting others bear some of the responsibility for their own actions. You certainly can't live other's lives for them, even if it's your own family members. And, the all-or-nothing mentality----good for you!!! Like I said, it's good to have you back, girl.

    3239 days ago
  • CHARMIN944
    That passage from James says it all. Count it all joy... Something wonderful is at the end of your trial. I know you'll keep holding on.
    3239 days ago
  • YVETTE120
    Hey lady I have missed you. I am still hanging in there too, stay strong and know that you and your husband are in my prayers, I am off next week so if you can talk give me a call love you emoticon emoticon
    3239 days ago
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