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Day 460: The Big Picture

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Friday, April 01, 2011

I was lying on my stomach. He was looking down at me as he lifted the edge of my shiny black panties with the extra wide band to rub minty cream in the nape of my back.

Crud.

Why am I always wearing the undies that come up to my navel when some dude is gonna see them? [Sigh.]

His hands were so I’ve-never-done-hard-labor soft, caressing my back softly as some new age music crooned in the background. And I swear I smelled girly air freshener dancing through the darkened room.

After a few minutes, he asked me politely to roll over and proceeded to bend my leg, pushing my knee toward my chest. “Let me know how that feels?” he queried. [How about friggin’ AND awesome?!]

I have never seen a man so meticulously pretty. I am not even into pretty men [give me some dude with a few dinks and dents and a tool belt any day – and I am good.]

I keep my eyes closed while he attends to my body because he was too shiny to look at directly without sunglasses - like the sun. He had a boyish face with chiseled features, salt-and-pepper short hair and was about 6’4” [just super yumminess all over.]

Rub me again, doctor. [No, really. Over and over again.]

This was some serious sensory overload.

I had just come from work, my herniated disc was killing me because I tried to lift my old couch to make room for my new couch [yes, I know – that was dumb] and this was my first visit to my new chiropractor, Dr. Feelgood. [Now, I understand the glowing recommendation.]

He stood behind me as I lay on the table lifting my hair in a very caring way, massaging my neck with his thumb [and I have never loved my HMO more than I did in that moment.]

When we were done – he asked in completely professional way, “Do you have any questions?” [Yes, be my luvah. Oops. That was not a question. My bad.]

“Nope. I’m good. That was all very interesting,” I said matter-of-factly. He laughed. Even his teeth were pretty. [I know. Right? Get a grip.]

In general, I love chiropractors more than cheesecake.

Once, I dumped some dude because he launched into this whole “I don’t believe in chiropractors thing” in my house after I said I had an appointment. [Blasphemy!]

One of the reasons to own property is to relegate such ridiculata to places far away from me.

And I hate when people analyze the joy out things. Such lame concepts like fun or pleasure for pleasure’s sake must be picked apart like the sale rack at a department store.

If the only reason a person is dislodging the stick in their asparagus is to share some nuggets of negativity, please keep that stick in tact [I friggin’ implore them…um, in my head. Consider it community service or something.]

Everything doesn’t have to be serious or debate-worthy or soapbox-ready.

Sometimes all I need to know is the big picture. Does it make me feel good? Does it work for me? Is there yummy touching? Great. Bring it on. Next.

That is why I am talking about touchy subjects like my abusive childhood [like the last blog.] Those events gave me perspective in a lot of things.

And that is when I learned to focus on the big picture – getting out.

And it taught me the difference between what is really bad

And everything else.

On this journey, water weight or losses or gains or scales or bad nutrition days

Are just part of the gig. They are just regular things.

And certainly not the worst things that could happen to a person.

And weight loss is not even the best part

The best things – bar none - are freedom and peace.

New dresses are great.

Looking in the mirror and loving whatever I see is better.

I am not trying to undermine the importance of the twists and turns of this journey.

I am saying I refuse to spend 2 years counting down pounds like I am shuffling to the guillotine.

Every step tentative, every step immersed in impending doom.

I’d rather count adventures

Or how many reasons my life rocks or days I feel amazing for no reason at all.

I am considering it payback for all the years I tortured myself and my body.

Here is how I am gonna remember my plateau [which I am calling my FDP - Fabulosity Development Period]

Walking around naked in high heels

Learning to love and respect my curves

Travelling more

Finishing my Master’s degree [in web design]

And starting a new one [maybe an MBA. Tell me not to do this. Really. My job pays for it. To me, it’s like a sale. Why wouldn’t I go?]

Having parties and people using my toilet [which I hate, but I did it]

Embracing all that I am [the recluse, the big mouth, the quirky part, the conservative part, the old me, the new me, the jiggly bits, and the thighs that are so in love they refuse to stop touching.]

Making new friends who love and understand and accept me [and ridding myself of some clunkers]

Feeling comfortable in my own skin - even when I go to the corner store wearing black socks and brown sandals [I know. Right?! I morphed into someone’s grandpa. Goddess of all things fierce, RuPaul, would have quivered in her stilettos.]

And slaying emotional dragons and winning [natch]

So I can start a brand new life to match the brand new me.

That is the big picture.

Living is the big picture.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WHIRLEDTRAVELER
    "the thighs that are so in love they refuse to stop touching" How perfect and hilarious is that?! Hey! I got me some of those, too! I also got myself a chiropractor to help me with my knees after all the asswipe doctors told me 1) there's nothing wrong with my knees and 2) take this pill and go away. So I totally get where you're coming from.
    3064 days ago
  • no profile photo FITJANE6
    I love your blog! You have fantastic wit, and such an individual style! Keep enlightening and entertaining us!

    Word.

    jane
    3134 days ago
  • IMJUSTFLUFFY
    I'm just cruising back through your blogs! They go so good with coffee! A lovely re-read! Please consider putting these in book form!
    Rhonda emoticon emoticon
    3136 days ago
  • LINIS_THIN
    sigh.... I just released a whole lot of junk through my mouth on one sigh of relief!

    Somebody had to say it!!!

    I'm glad u did!!
    3142 days ago
  • SUSANSCH
    Loved this!!
    3159 days ago
  • BARBARAWEBSTER
    I laughed really hard at the idea of naked in high heels! YOU ROCK!!!! Thanks for the giggle. I'm really tired today, not enough sleep. Too many things to do, and the medical bills are driving me to distraction and chocolate! I do like naked, mind you, do it all the time, but barefoot, never in high heels! It takes a STOIC person like you to wear high heels well. I don't even own a pair. (Hurt my feet! Give me tennies any day.) Love you girl!!!! Enjoy the up coming three day weekend. And YES I do believe the brain needs special stimulation, and college is great for that. New ideas and all that. ((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS!)))))))))))))))) cyber-mom emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3170 days ago
  • BOSDAPHNE
    Love this blog, can't get enough of your writing. emoticon
    3179 days ago
  • FLOOSIEMAGOO
    My dear friend,

    I laughed so hard, I nearly fell out of my chair. I've been so sad, for a long time (my mama is sick) and the dawn is here.

    Thank you for being wonderful, warm sun.

    Chana
    xoxo

    3179 days ago
  • HEARTANDMUSIC
    "the thighs that are so in love they refuse to stop touching"

    This phrase made me so happy! Wonderful blog!
    3179 days ago
  • KIMBALI
    You are such a gifted writer! reading your blog has me grinning like a possum and relating to my own adventure in a new light. emoticon
    3179 days ago
  • SNOWANGELDIVA
    emoticon for "I am saying I refuse to spend 2 years counting down pounds like I am shuffling to the guillotine." Life is my fuel as well.

    ..."and the thighs that are so in love they refuse to stop touching." Seriously, you are brilliant. Luved this quirky but oh so familiar anecdote.
    3180 days ago
  • CATHYPT
    I love your writing - amazing. Thank-you!
    emoticon
    3180 days ago
  • TURQUOISELOTUS
    Mmmmm, mmmmm.... loving this blog! Yes, you have a great handle on the big picture.. and that's what it's all about. I know, I thought it was the hokey pokey for a while too.

    Good for you, Life is is way too short to not enjoy. And good for you - how wonderful to experience a plateau as fabulosity development period! That's why hikers loooove plateaus. You get to stop, beathe and integrate all the fabulosity you have experienced.

    Big hugs to ya! Keep rockin! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3181 days ago
  • no profile photo KOKOMOROCK
    Awesome. Give me more.Please.
    3184 days ago
  • RR1_RR1
    Ok thats it- I need to get a chiropractor! emoticon
    3184 days ago
  • ELAINEROSE5
    Just love to read your blogs!!! You make me smile and you say the things I sometimes think but don't verbalize. You're my hero!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3185 days ago
  • SUZANNEMW
    The only thing better than a good chiro is an awesome massage therapist...Go for the MBA! I wish I could. One day, when my kids are out of school, I will. Until then, I will study vicariously through you! Keep enjoying life!
    3188 days ago
  • AVOVATA
    I love my chiropractor, too. Mine is a woman, though, but if any woman could give me those thoughts, it would probably be her. She's just beautiful. She looks like JLo actually, and she's very good at what she does. Every time I see her, she tells me I should be seeing a massage therapist, but I've yet find one that is as satisfying. I wish I could just pay her to be my massage therapist.

    I really love your writing. You're a natural, and you make it enjoyable to get to know you better. emoticon
    3191 days ago
  • SHAYGETSFIT
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    3192 days ago
  • CALIFAMILY
    Really love the ending. Slaying some emotional dragons--that was 2010 for me and it made 2011 the year that things really started happening. I know you have had so many successes and this is all just the beginning as you continue this journey and continue to inspire others here on SP. Keep it up!!
    3193 days ago
  • SANDIEMAC1
    awesome as usual miss thing! and i'm sure that even rupaul (as fabulous as she is....and she is) has worn socks (brown or quelle horreur...even white!) with sandals to the paperstore...of course she did it as her alter ego (no one would expect HIM to know how to dress anyway...) LOL
    3195 days ago
  • ARDELIAC
    Awesome, and usual.
    3197 days ago
  • KATRINA_89
    Thanks for the smiles! What a great blog! emoticon
    3197 days ago
  • TRAVELINGIRL18
    you are (as always) Right on target!! Love it!!! Kick those Nay-Sayers to the curb and keep your anti-parade-rainer device at hand at all times! :) Hugs and love and laughter! :) - Karen emoticon
    3198 days ago
  • ROSECHLORIS
    I know I've said this before, but I really do love the way you write. It's not like reading a blog so much as reading an editorial or a creative short story. Also, lucky you for getting a rub down from the yummy doctor!
    3199 days ago
  • NOLAZYBUTT110
    wish could see your Chiro, maybe I would not be complaining so much about my pain and use it as a ticket to some instant pleasure? lol Im Bad! (Just stop me from day dreaming!) Wish it was that easy to get rid of my pain! No I would have to be too afriad of someone touching me; its why I have a Tens unit instead! Boy am I coveting your ight now! I want my pain to go away! Hope your feeling better! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3199 days ago
  • WITHSPIRIT
    Hmmm, I love my chiro too but you have made me jealous of yours, lol!!!! I cackled with empathy over the thighs so in love they won't stop touching!! You never fail to bring a smile to my lips and a tummy workout from laughing! Thank you, girl!!
    3200 days ago
  • LUNADRAGON
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    You always make me smile!
    3202 days ago
  • JAZZID
    Interesting... thanks for sharing. ~ Dee emoticon
    3202 days ago
  • MY_HEALTH_BABY
    ....I always feel great right after reading your blogs....instant cheer/thx... emoticon
    3202 days ago
  • ALLEY2300
    I so love to read your blogs! They are always enjoyable and always hit on a big point of life!
    3203 days ago
  • TYEASLEY
    Living is the big picture. I love it!!
    3203 days ago
  • SM-ARTGIRL
    Living is the big picture.
    You have sure got your priorities in the right place Teeni!
    Love, love, love this blog and YOU, Spark friend.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3203 days ago
  • KENIACHENAE
    "Living is the big picture". I have now found my new motto.... lol. Thanks a million, you are a true inspiration. ---Kenia
    3203 days ago
  • VEHAMILTON1
    emoticon emoticon

    Your blogs are always a good laugh!

    Love,
    Vera
    n> emoticon

    3203 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/22/2011 3:48:31 PM
  • TMARIEONFIRE
    Thanks for sharing. I Loooooove going to the chiropractors too. I may have to ask who you see. :) hee hee.
    3205 days ago
  • MSILVER94
    Best reading around!
    3206 days ago
  • GLASSGIRL1027
    Love your insight and humor, as always!
    3206 days ago
  • MAAYOTTE
    You should get an editor! Love your writing as always.
    3207 days ago
  • SML1122
    i have been waiting ever so patiently for your next blog - how in the world did i miss it until now?

    "Feeling comfortable in my own skin - even when I go to the corner store wearing black socks and brown sandals [I know. Right?! I morphed into someone’s grandpa. Goddess of all things fierce, RuPaul, would have quivered in her stilettos.]" ---------------LOVE THIS!

    by the way, after the beginning of your blog.. i think i need a cigarette. and i dont smoke. girrrrl!!!


    3208 days ago
  • SML1122
    i have been waiting ever so patiently for your next blog - how in the world did i miss it until now?

    "Feeling comfortable in my own skin - even when I go to the corner store wearing black socks and brown sandals [I know. Right?! I morphed into someone’s grandpa. Goddess of all things fierce, RuPaul, would have quivered in her stilettos.]" ---------------LOVE THIS!

    by the way, after the beginning of your blog.. i think i need a cigarette. and i dont smoke. girrrrl!!!


    3208 days ago
  • RITZIBROWN
    Love your Life inlook and outlook. emoticon emoticon
    3208 days ago
  • GREENSCRAPCAT
    Girl, you should be getting paid for this!

    You rock as always!
    3208 days ago
  • EMMASB
    Thank you Teeny for your wonderrful blog - always inspires, encourages and leaves me rolling on the floor. ..Grandpa morph's, chiros & dragon slaying- oh yeah! Got it all going on sis!

    I just had a pedicure while drinking a 'designer' coffee with a couple of g/f's. I now have diamonds on my toes. Through a week of moving mayhem and overwhelming piles of work -at work...i kept thinking- i have diamonds on my toes! Tee hee!
    emoticon
    3209 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/17/2011 1:06:40 PM
  • JESSIEE11
    Love the blog and love you. Thank you for making me laugh and making me think. Sooo, when are you publishing a book? (You should, you know!)

    3209 days ago
  • WILLOWCAT1
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    You are TRULY fabulous and intuitive and thought-provoking. I LOVE that in a person!

    I just really can't say enough...

    I guess, simply, I mean emoticon for being YOU in all of your glory.

    emoticon
    3209 days ago
  • SANDYTRADEWINDS
    Love your blogs! Amusing, poignant, real and just all around AMAZING! Thanks for the inspiration.
    3210 days ago
  • SKATVEN
    Hysterical! You rock! I need to go snatch up a fine pair of high heels!
    3210 days ago
  • no profile photo BEST_LIFE_NOW
    emoticon
    3210 days ago
  • BBORDEN86
    Haahaa! I read this and thought, "oh my... should I really be reading this at work?!" My boss even came up behind me after I read, "... he asked me politely to roll over" and I minimized it. LOL! You definitely succeed with the attention getter there, and you're a great writer! I really enjoy reading your blogs, you can't help but feel good about yourself. I'm starting to love my "jiggly bits", as you like to refer to them. : )
    3210 days ago
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