That's right, ladies and gents...I went back to the gym last night. Oh what joy I felt when I heard my little keycard *BEEP* it's pretty little beep. I didn't care that I was tired. I didn't care that I was in for a long night. I was going to sweat and feel so good after. (When I have trouble getting to the gym, I just imagine the afterglow and it usually spurs me in the right direction.)
Zumba was amazing last night. Difficult and challenging, and there was a girl there who looked just like I would LOVE to look someday who was perfect in my eyes and doing the moves perfectly and I wanted to punch her in the face until I realized I could use her to find even more ways of doing MY moves. I could use her as a challenge to myself. "Can you do what the perfect girl can do?" I asked myself. Then I proved to myself I could, or I almost could, or that I liked doing it a different way. I sweated a TON and felt GREAT after...sore and exhausted, but fully energized as well.
I then did a few laps with Hubs around the track as he was just finishing up 30 minutes on the elliptical. (I am so darn proud! When he started last month, 5 minutes on the thing made him want to vomit. I told him it would get easier and he'd soon be doing 30-45-or even 60 minutes. He didn't believe me, but there he was last night after 30 minutes and 2.23 miles of elliptical training. *PROUD*) I told him he had to walk the track a few times to get his legs back under him, and I walked with him.
Downstairs after a couple track laps, we headed over to the machines and got to work on our legs. He tried keeping up...
Target: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12 - weight: 60/70/80/90
After that he said his legs were jiggly. So we moved on to...
Donkey Calf Raises
Target: 4 sets - reps: 20/16/16/16
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 20/16/16/16 - weight: 50/60/70/80
By this point he wanted to kill me. He said he was sure I was torturing him and he was sure I was doing it wrong. So we moved on to...
Machine Leg Curls
Target: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12
Actual: 4 sets - reps: 16/14/12/12 - weight: 40/50/60/70
He got in the first set or two and then said he felt dizzy and wanted to vomit. (Maybe I'm not the only one who hates the lightheaded feeling this stupid machine gives me. I hate the positioning of my body while doing this and it feels wrong somehow.)
I stretched before ST and after cardio, after my short warmup work before cardio, during my ST, and again after my ST. I felt like I was back in full force. I felt like a champ again. My legs HATED me and I loved them for the burning and soreness because it meant a better tomorrow.
Later on the phone last night, Hubs was talking to his mother and told her that we had just gotten back from the gym. "I tried to keep up with her," he said, speaking about me. "And then I just had to let her go without me. I couldn't keep up, I was so dizzy!" I know the point of those comments were more to explain how much I had put him through last night, but am I the only one who hears pride in my husband's voice? He's been letting me train him more at the gym. He asked last night when we were going to do arm work and I simply said, "Tomorrow." Okay, so I may have followed that with, "Now sit down and do 12 reps....if you can..." ;) It's been fun. I even offered to train my FIL if he wanted to join the gym. I love having someone to do the workouts with, and I always tell Hubs that if there's anything he wants to work that I'm not working, just let me know and I'll show him what to do and spot or watch him. (So far he's turned me down, but he also used to turn me down on ST with me at all, so maybe he'll come around eventually.)
Throughout the ST portion of our workout though, the M-word came out. MEXICAN. You see, there's a Mexican restaurant right across the street from the gym. It's an evil place full of fat, salt and margaritas. (Okay, the margaritas are actually quite good...) When Hubs is facing a hungry belly after workout he brings it up from time to time. Last night, he brought it up and, as always, asked what I wanted to do. I usually give in...it saves me from having to cook. But the night before when I was supposed to cook grilled chicken and roasted vegetables, we ate Captain D's. (GROSS!) I had put this chicken/veggie dinner on my tracker TWICE and now I was going to have to take it off AGAIN for something more fattening? *sigh* I hate disappointing them. Logan was already asking to go out, and now Hubs wanted to as well. *sigh* And if I went home and made dinner, it would likely be 10pm before we got to eat (because my stove/oven SUCKS!)...the kids were supposed to be in bed by 9pm.
I felt guilty.
I felt ashamed.
I felt determined.
I thought maybe I could go with them and not eat.
Then I realized that was probably not possible AT ALL.
Finally I ran off to the locker room and told Hubs to let me think. I thought and thought. I finally walked slowly back out, turned to him, apologized and explained that I did not want to go out. I told him that I was sorry, but that I didn't want to waste the calories. I asked him if he would like me to pick something up for him and the boys on the way home, maybe. Hubs told me it was alright and drove off with the boys to pick up pizza and take home. I went home and started the LONG process of making a very SIMPLE meal. (I drank a glass of soy chocolate milk while cooking to hold me over.)
And at 10pm, when I sat down to eat my grilled chicken spiced only with sea salt and cracked peppercorn, and my roasted fingerling potatoes, green, red and orange peppers and green beans with only sea salt, cracked peppercorn, olive oil and some Italian seasoning, as I drank my water I felt amazing.
"See?" I told myself. THIS is why you belong at the gym and at the stove. This is why it's worth the wait. You don't feel guilty or gross. You don't have to admit to any eating out. You don't need to overflush tomorrow all the salt you ate today. You can just enjoy this meal. You can even allow yourself a few more veggies, if you'd like. You can enjoy this food AND feel proud. Kids were taken care of, and so was I.
(And I'm salivating just thinking of the leftovers I get to have tonight!)