Demons, or not..
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The other day I was sitting in my doctor's office for my every 3 month blood pressure check, and as usual, the conversation was far more about my journey than it was about my blood pressure. I was telling her about the amount of time I have spent puzzling over the night time eating, why I was doing it, the fact that I don't really believe I have any demons I hadn't addressed many years earlier, and then my realization that the bad habit of closet eating had re-emerged, and how I had to replace that bad habit with the good habit..yada yada yada..
Well, during this conversation, she said something to me that has stayed with me for the last several days, and I keep repeating it over and over again in my head, because it is so darn simple, yet seems so darn profound. What she said, basically, was that the demons don't have to be deep seated, dark secrets, they can just be simple every day things driving me to the food.
Hmmmm...so all this time, during all these months of driving myself crazy over the thought that my horrible night time eating was being brought on by some unimaginably horrid emotion I could not confront, it never occurred to me to look in far less sinister places for the reason..you know, places like boredom, fatigue, ordinary stress.. I was convinced it had to be some deep, dark secret I had yet to ferret out..
Why do I share this? Well, because I think the way I was looking at it was not all that uncommon. I think many of us fear what we may discover once we start peeling away those layers of emotion that act as protection from the deepest secrets of our lives. Pop psychology points us towards that belief, in my opinion. And I'm not saying that it's not true for many people, indeed, 25 years ago it was true for me. But it doesn't have to be some traumatic reason, and I think it's important to remember that, too.
Sometimes, it IS as simple as you think, or at least MORE simple than you think. So be open to the possibility. Because I was not, and I have spent months looking for something that wasn't there. Self-reflection is never wasted, but sometimes, when you look and look and look for something that does not exist, you get tired, more tired than you need to be, using energy in that process of seeking that could be spent more wisely elsewhere on the journey to health.
So, if it feels simple, accept the fact that it can be simple. And move forward.
Have a Sparky Day!!