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Demons, or not..

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The other day I was sitting in my doctor's office for my every 3 month blood pressure check, and as usual, the conversation was far more about my journey than it was about my blood pressure. I was telling her about the amount of time I have spent puzzling over the night time eating, why I was doing it, the fact that I don't really believe I have any demons I hadn't addressed many years earlier, and then my realization that the bad habit of closet eating had re-emerged, and how I had to replace that bad habit with the good habit..yada yada yada..

Well, during this conversation, she said something to me that has stayed with me for the last several days, and I keep repeating it over and over again in my head, because it is so darn simple, yet seems so darn profound. What she said, basically, was that the demons don't have to be deep seated, dark secrets, they can just be simple every day things driving me to the food.

Hmmmm...so all this time, during all these months of driving myself crazy over the thought that my horrible night time eating was being brought on by some unimaginably horrid emotion I could not confront, it never occurred to me to look in far less sinister places for the reason..you know, places like boredom, fatigue, ordinary stress.. I was convinced it had to be some deep, dark secret I had yet to ferret out..

Why do I share this? Well, because I think the way I was looking at it was not all that uncommon. I think many of us fear what we may discover once we start peeling away those layers of emotion that act as protection from the deepest secrets of our lives. Pop psychology points us towards that belief, in my opinion. And I'm not saying that it's not true for many people, indeed, 25 years ago it was true for me. But it doesn't have to be some traumatic reason, and I think it's important to remember that, too.

Sometimes, it IS as simple as you think, or at least MORE simple than you think. So be open to the possibility. Because I was not, and I have spent months looking for something that wasn't there. Self-reflection is never wasted, but sometimes, when you look and look and look for something that does not exist, you get tired, more tired than you need to be, using energy in that process of seeking that could be spent more wisely elsewhere on the journey to health.

So, if it feels simple, accept the fact that it can be simple. And move forward.

Have a Sparky Day!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Very nice observation! I have been known to be a closet eater, since I live alone, ther was no one to hide from, so I just ate. I needed to do something other than eat. Read, write about what's bugging you, Craft, exercise more... whatever it takes.
    Keep on Sparking!!
    3538 days ago
    Very true Tina! I know I had one starting point early on in childhood, and I know I had a father who made me feel like I couldn't do anything right, but after that it is the simple habits I have allowed myself to become trapped by. Watching TV equals snacking. Boredom equals mindless eating. And on it goes. Glad you were able to figure out this simple truth for yourself!
    3538 days ago
    What a great concept! Thank you for sharing Tina!
    3538 days ago
    Now THIS is a concept I can certainly (and most willingly) grasp over that deep dark foreboding LURKING tangle of complexity that sooo often is the *stalker*of*torment* we're led to suspect!!

    Simplicity. Life isn't all higher or over education, or there wouldn't be innocence like the faith of a child. Sooo... yes, T, I can see a plain, less scientific event as a *thing* to drive us semi-mindlessly to, grazing(s)!!

    Maybe, instead, look at what a day's events transpired. Deliberately find the SIMPLE, i.e. a comment someone said, via work, radio, school, home... etc., or... a look you *read* on a face, or a *feeling* you *felt* at a certain moment. All those give us *puzzles* too!!

    Keep me posted on what you discover, T. I am very interested in the research!!
    ::hugs n kisses::

    3538 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/22/2011 10:55:53 AM
    Thanks for sharing, I will think about this on my journey. It is an interesting shift in perspective.
    3538 days ago

    Many people think everything is complex, others look at the simple answer.

    3538 days ago
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