So now I'm "getting it"
Monday, January 10, 2011
I'm planning on making this a very happy and healthy new year. Happy is a state of mind, but my health is sometimes not so controllable due to a large abdominal hernia. I do my best every day to eat healthy, and follow an eating plan for weight loss, but now I am beginning to understand the "taking care of me" aspects of my health.
I will not put my self at risk for anyone, anymore, even if I have to cancel plans due to inclement weather, like snow, for instance. What I can do, however, is to not make questionable plans in the first place, or if I do have to cancel, I can at least give the other person(s) a warning ahead of time. Taking care of me doesn't mean treating others less well than myself. That's just not in my nature, so I had to find a way to come to terms with putting me first without putting down the other person. That having been resolved, I can eliminate two excuses for overeating: guilt and the fear of what someone else would think of me if I (God forbid) disappointed them!
Today I'm sitting home knowing I have had to cancel an ongoing Monday morning appointment with a dear councelor/friend, but I couldn't take the chance of falling on the ice while walking, or in my wheelchair. I'm sure the other person will understand, but it wasn't always this easy to make such a decision. That came about after long and painful years of indecision and struggle. What makes it easier for me now is my trust in God to take care of me and all my issues and needs. I am just learning the full measure of trust after many years of doubt and fear. I guess that speaks to how deep my issues were and perhaps why I ate so much for so many years. Food was the only thing I could trust to go down and relieve whatever was bothering me. It was my all-in-all. Now it's becoming less of that "allness," but
for me, food addiction is a lifetime condition. I may conquer it on a temporary basis, but it's roots go very deep. Learning to eat healthy , take care of myself , and trust in God above all things, is taking me a long way to recovery. It's taken a lifetime to get a grip on this food monster, but it was also the greatest learning tool a person could be given. As they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Thank God I didn't die of obesity before I began to "get it!" So now I'm getting it at long last, and I can feel progress, happiness and a good weight loss coming on in this new year!