hope you dont mind...
Friday, December 31, 2010
Hope no one minds a good "poor me" blog post, cause I feel like this is what this one may turn into. I am still trying to wade through the sloppy murky mess that is going on inside my head. I am searching for what ever it is I need to fix or find to make me happy and get myself back on track. I simply feel numb. Everyday I get up and go through the motions, and I get nothing from anything. I am very concerned my depression is rearing its ugly head again, so I am truly trying to help myself through this so I dont have to go back on meds. Maybe it's just burn out, from dealing with everything and juggling and worrying. I honestly and truly thought I had a hold of all this emotional eating business, but right at this minute I am fighting with myself to not finish off that box of whoppers, and the half bag of sunchips. Am I hungry? no. I am trying to fill a void or make myself happy. But why am I unhappy????? Thats whats making me crazy, there is a reason and yet I can put my finger on it.
I have tried to tell myself, look...lets make a deal, you lose one pound this week and you can do or get whatever....But I think, no you wont you dont have the money, and there is nothing right now you care enough about to get excited over. My frame of mind right now is just pathetic. It is honestly amazing to me how much power your mind has, you really can convince yourself of all most anything. How strong the emotions are that they are able to out weight even your common sense. Your sense of survival if you will. I know I need to eat healthy and take care of myself and yet my emotions have convinced me its really not all that important.
I have come into a large quantity of yarn, so I went through and picked out what I thought I would use, and kept all the baby yarn. I have retaught myself to knit and I am hoping to start knitting baby blankets to donate to the childrens hospital. I am hoping this will not only help my frame of mind, but also keep my hands and head busy from idle eating. Wish me luck.
I am trying hard ladies, and I appreciate all the feed back your giving me, please hang with me through this. Hugs to you all.