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finding my way back

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

wow, August was my last post. That's when it all started going down hill. I wish I could tell you why or what caused it but I cant. I am sure the stress of my husband being unemployed and all the financial worries that go along with that, is the root of it all. But somehow I let it get the better of me. I let it consume me. Since I couldnt go to dance class and with the weather getting colder and us not able to ride, I pretty much stopped doing everything. Why? I dont know. I know I have a stationary bike, and random exercise DVD's. But did I do them? nope, I sat, I made excuses, I found reasons, pretty much I just stopped caring. So much is going on inside my head that keeping track of what I ate or did was the last thing i was worried about. It should have been the first thing.

I lost 60 pounds. SIXTY! Thats a small child for the love of pete! I have since gained back about 15. ( iam guessing since I am afraid to step on the scale--yes a grown ass woman and I am afraid). I sit and wonder what happened? Where I lost control, but I think it was so gradual that I just comfortably slid back into old habits. Now restarting seems to be harder than starting originally. I think I have a case of the "poor me's" or something. I dont know, I just lack motivation. I have the sense to know I need to straighten things out but not the energy or drive. So I guess I am asking,...Where do I find some motivation? I am not a person who likes asking for help. But I honestly dont know what else to do. I am afraid at this rate I will regain everything, and I dont want that. I would appreciate any suggestions, that anyone has.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you so much Shelly, your post meant a lot to me. I am glad I could help you, and I really appreciate your being there for me. ~~hugs~~
    3483 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5195119
    Hi Lisa! I'm sorry you're struggling right now....I wish I had some words of wisdom to get you back where you want to be...but I'm not sure what to say. I do know that YOU are the reason I'm here! I was commenting on Facebook about how unhappy I was about some class reunion photos..and your hubby (who I lived down the road from in the old days) told me about the 'wonderful site' that had changed your life. YOUR SUCCESS led me here and is one of the things that keeps me going! Look back on all you've done and think how great it felt! You CAN do this!! ~hugs~
    3485 days ago
    Thanks guys. I have been reading alot on these spark pages, and knowing I am not alone does help. To know others have gone through this, sometimes more than once, and still succeeded helps me know it can be done. Towhee you're right, my mind is trying, but my emotions are all in a mess. I am working on straightening those out too. Your brain is a funny thing, the way it will turn things around on you, or allow you to rationalize things that are ridiculous. I have to really get inside my own head and clean house so to speak. Thanks guys for listening and for the words of encouragement. Please...keep them coming :)
    3485 days ago
    Your brain is ready to get back to work, but your emotions aren't. Until you can get ALL of you working as a team, it will be a struggle. Do I have an answer? No. I've been there more times than I can count. I don't like it any more than you do, but I do know that one morning you will wake up and KNOW that today is the THE day. In the meantime do the best you can. Like learning a new language or a new musical instrument, it takes practice, practice, practice. So go through the motions until THE day happens, then soar with the eagles.

    Best wishes,


    3486 days ago
    Lisa - I'm so glad you're back on here, I missed you! I wish I had answers for you, but everyone is different. I think for me, I just got sick of being overweight and buying "fat" clothes. I don't ever want to go back to 170 pounds (or 190 pounds either) again. I got rid of my fat clothes and if I gain weight, my behind will have to go back to the stores and buy bigger clothes and I'm not prepared to do that again.

    It's a battle everyday because of emotional issues I am dealing with and I'm an emotional eater on top of that, but I'm working hard at not turning to food this time around for comfort and just dealing with my difficult and painful issues head on instead.

    If I don't, I will turn to food for comfort and be right back where I was when I first started Spark People back in February. It's very painful and there are days I want to just stay in bed and do nothing but cry, but that wouldn't accomplish anything and I'm determined to survive the pain and quit avoiding it so I don't run to chips and hummus for comfort.

    You have the tools and know what to do, it's just putting them into motion. Unfortunately no one can do it for you (which sucks, LOL). Work on a baby step, drink lots and lots of water or just exercise 15 minutes a day (or every other day) or whatever small goal you want to work on or feel you have the time for. You're worth it and know I'm rooting for you!

    I hope you guys had a great Christmas this year, I know it has to be so hard to deal with all the financial things with him being out of work. Hang in there! emoticon
    3486 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/28/2010 7:58:56 PM
    I wish I could give you answers you seek, but alas I find myself in the same boat. I have gained back 10 of the 18 pounds I lost. Funny thing is I know what I did to get it off and I just can't seem to get back to that place. I have had a set back in my personal life and it seems to be holding me back. I keep telling myself to let it go and get back to the business of taking care of myself but there is this thin line holding me back. I mean this with all my heart, Good Luck.
    3486 days ago
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