finding my way back
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
wow, August was my last post. That's when it all started going down hill. I wish I could tell you why or what caused it but I cant. I am sure the stress of my husband being unemployed and all the financial worries that go along with that, is the root of it all. But somehow I let it get the better of me. I let it consume me. Since I couldnt go to dance class and with the weather getting colder and us not able to ride, I pretty much stopped doing everything. Why? I dont know. I know I have a stationary bike, and random exercise DVD's. But did I do them? nope, I sat, I made excuses, I found reasons, pretty much I just stopped caring. So much is going on inside my head that keeping track of what I ate or did was the last thing i was worried about. It should have been the first thing.
I lost 60 pounds. SIXTY! Thats a small child for the love of pete! I have since gained back about 15. ( iam guessing since I am afraid to step on the scale--yes a grown ass woman and I am afraid). I sit and wonder what happened? Where I lost control, but I think it was so gradual that I just comfortably slid back into old habits. Now restarting seems to be harder than starting originally. I think I have a case of the "poor me's" or something. I dont know, I just lack motivation. I have the sense to know I need to straighten things out but not the energy or drive. So I guess I am asking,...Where do I find some motivation? I am not a person who likes asking for help. But I honestly dont know what else to do. I am afraid at this rate I will regain everything, and I dont want that. I would appreciate any suggestions, that anyone has.