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URSULA125

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A Message/Update to My Spark Friends

Friday, December 17, 2010

I miss you guys terribly. I never thought I would be mia this long. I hope my friends remember me. I'm updating you briefly with this blog. If you don't know me you will surely be wondering what I'm talking about. If you don't know the background forgive me as I can't give to much background or info right now. My mother moved in with me. It's been way more difficult and traumatic than even I expected. I started a new job about the same time. My grandson still isn't living with me. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I am currently fighting illness with all I know. I want my grandson, but I'm forcing myself to be realistic. My mother is trying to get me not to work so I'm home with her all the time. She has been insulting to my husband about how I have to work. It has been really rough. We have treated her like a queen. She has seen things and done things she never thought she would get to see or do.

I have only been on SP a few minutes in the whole last month and a half. I have not had a real workout or anything. I'm in survival mode. I know people do care for a parent without all the drama I have, but I can't change my Mother or her situation. It is possible she may have to go to assisted living or something similar. I'm putting in a tremendous effort to keep her here, but she can't be insulting to my husband any more than I'd stand for him being insulting to her.

I am exhausted and fighting illness. Please forgive the rushed writing. My head feels like an explosion waiting to happen. My holidays are not going well either. I heard someone on TV say if you are feeling down this Christmas season, focus on Jesus not the holiday.

I want/need to get back on track with my life and program. Please forgive me for neglecting you for this long. It was not my intention. It just sort of happened and I am shocked at how long its been.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WALKINGSPARK
    Praying for you.

    Wendy
    3280 days ago
  • ABIGAILSING
    I can see, as I have read several of your blogs to catch up with you, that you are going through a difficult time. You are in my prayers and I hope to hear of God's hand moving you through this season. Hugs to you.
    3280 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    Miss you too and of course we have NOT forgotten you.

    I can relate as my mother lived with us for a while and it was very difficult. My prayers are with you.
    3333 days ago
  • BORNAGAINBRAT
    Just know we are here and praying for you. emoticon
    3355 days ago
  • DEBBIE_C
    emoticon A true friend can be MIA for a time and come back to expect the same support as before. Praying for you through this difficult time. You obviously have some hard choices to make and you can't fix it in one day. Remember you are no good to anyone if you don't be good to yourself! Truly trust God for the answer. It may sound cliche' but I tried Him and I found Him to be a friend.

    Hang in there my sister and praise your way to a breakthrough!

    ~Debbie emoticon
    3360 days ago
  • BOBBIENORTHERN
    Baby Girl, our Father loves and cares and values you so much. Only you and Him know what to do in this most tramatizing situation and life style. You know that the enemy works in people that we care for and his time is short and he is working feverishly and working over time to get your focus off of Jesus who is your life and your very next breath. Please allow and follow the leading of Holy Spirit who has given you the wisdom of Father God and the mind of Christ in your life for any and ALL situations. You have to be here for the long haul, you do have a special and unique calling on your life which you alone are gifted to full fill and only you have this special gift to accomplish this. Please, take time to love and care and to nourish yourself. Please keep Jesus in the forefront on top and then next yourself. If you fall who will take care of you, no one but Jesus. Please, do what you are being led to do by Love Himself. I have missed you so much and am so glad to hear from you. Just never ever forget that you are more than a conquorer, you are an over comer and a winner no matter what because you have the indwelling Holy Spirit from Love Himself, and the word of God written who is Jesus Himself, you have the name of Jesus and the blood of Jesus which needs to be applied to every area of your life. The enemy hates and despises the blood and the name of Jesus and cannot stand against the word and the blood and the name of Jesus. Please, get up, and stand and once you have done all, just stand knowing the enemy is a defeated foe because the word of God says he is and no weapon formed against you shall prosper and it is up to you to condemn and put down that old enemy that serpent of old, the cross of Jesus crushed him and then when He was resurrected that made us all over comers in Him. You are so well loved and valued and missed, you are so important to the body of Christ. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3360 days ago
  • BBGOOGIN
    Monika,

    I will always remember you. emoticon

    Take some time to stop and see what God's direction is. When God leads us, it brings peace and lots of grace on the inside even when things are tough. If you don't have His peace reigning in you, you need to stop and find out why. Your relationship with God and your marriage comes first. Don't be afraid to do the hard thing with your mother--Put her in God's hands....Put your grandson in God's hands. If you try to save your life you will always lose it, and if you lose your life, you'll find it and keep it.

    Love you, sister!
    ~Susan
    3360 days ago
  • no profile photo DEB4HIM1
    Ursula,

    I am sorry to hear that you are going through a very difficult time right now. Thanks for letting us know what is going on, so we know how to pray for you.

    I was feeling really depressed this month. I cried out to God every day. Every day, my words were: Please help me.

    It sounds like you are doing the same. What helped me was I went to my doctor and was put on an antidepressant. I feel a lot better. I am even looking forward to Christmas now.

    This may not be your answer, but I pray the Lord guides you to what you and your husband need to do regarding your mother. On one hand, you don't want her to go to an assisted living place. On the other hand, you need to look after your mental/physical well being. It sounds as though you are burning the candle at both ends and if things don't change soon, you may have a nervous breakdown.

    Please take care of yourself. I know you used to walk every day. If it's not too cold there, take a few minutes to take a walk outside. Or walk around the mall where you work. You will feel a lot better. If you can afford it, try to get a massage. That may sound too expensive, but your health is worth it. Take care of yourself.

    The Lord just showed me a vision for you. You and your mother are on a plane that is experiencing great turbulence. The flashing lights come on and you are instructed to put your oxygen mask on. You remember that the flight attendant said to take care of yourself first, then attend to your loved ones second. But you selflessly administer the oxygen to your mother first, thinking that you are strong and will be ok. But the Lord is telling me, you are not okay. Take care of yourself first and now, before it is too late.

    Dear Heavenly Father,

    Thank you for being Ursula's shelter in the storms of her life, for listening to her cries of despair, for lifting her up when she feels overwhelmed. You are her salvation and her joy, regardless of the circumstances around her. Blanket her heart with Your peace which prevails over all.

    In the name of the One who commanded the storm to be quiet; and, it did. Amen.

    emoticon
    3360 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/17/2010 9:25:04 AM
  • 4DOGNIGHT
    You definitely need to focus on Jesus. At times like these, he is a comfort. One of my favorite mantras is "learn to be calm and you will always be happy!" Philippians 4:1-9 "Do not worry about anything but in...prayer...let your requests be made know to God"
    I empathize with you having your mother with you. My mom-in-law is 91 and in a retirement home. Even though I love her, I could never have her living with us. My husband and I would kill each other. Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season. And check in, it helps to vent.
    3360 days ago
  • 1GROVES2
    Dear friend, I am sorry for what you are going through! I will pray for you and all involved in this situation.
    Hugs and I wish I could do more!
    Margaret
    3360 days ago
  • NORTHWOODSMOM8
    PRECIOUS Ursula, Bless your hurting heart! I will be praying for you and asking the LORD to give you wisdom concerning your mother. I so admire you even trying to make it work. A scripture that blesses me is: "Surely a spirit is in man, And the breath of the Mighty One Doth cause them to understand." Job 32:8 I know HE can give you understanding and wisdom in these situations. May you lean upon Him in your time of distress. Our cries to Him are 'better than a Hallelujah sometimes". Enjoy this song, my dear SP friend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm5k
    x3xqmg0

    emoticon & prayers, Susan
    3360 days ago
  • ALLFORHIM8
    I didn't know you were going through all of this! I will be praying for you to have the endurance and strength you need to go through this season of your life. Don't be afraid to set boundaries with you mother, you can do it in a respectful manner. It is right to keep your eyes on Jesus and not the holiday, it will pass but He is enduring! Many are having a struggles this season in various ways. I haven't been able to get the gifts for others like in past years. I figure a blessing in prayer for them is better.
    Please keep in touch!
    Much love,
    Linda
    3360 days ago
  • no profile photo RITAROSE
    Dear Ursala,
    Thank you for letting us know what is going on in your life, it helps to be able to pray for you! I am sorry there are challenges on all fronts. It sounds very difficult.
    Don't lose heart, the Lord provides for the challenges that come our way, and he is never late in pouring out just the right amount of grace and mercy. I will be faithfully praying for you, dear friend!!
    Hugs, Ritarose
    3360 days ago
  • LOVEDAILYLIFE
    I am so sorry that you are going thru so much right now!! I can't even imagine!! That is a tough situation to be in!! I hope you feel strength or a little less burdened sharing what has been going on...I hope you just continue to blog to get these feeling out because you prob can't tell most people!
    I went thru a super hard time too this year and don't beat yourself up for not being one here! This will still be here when you are ready to get back on track...keep on venting and journaling! it helps! Praying for you!!
    3361 days ago
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