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Day 299: A Silly Little Thing Called Happy

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Wednesday, November 03, 2010

"You're taking it well," my friend said as I told her about my intention to end things with Sir Quips-A-Lot. She was right. IT was like having a 185 pound BM. And IT was great.

I had tons of energy and launched right into Fall cleaning [yes, I said cleaning], planting 32 mums [love 'em], boot shopping galore [I am addicted - I admit it], sorting Christmas lights [so my gaudy house can be visible from outerspace] - and oh yes, living a life of my very own. [Sweetness.]

I was certain that I made the right decision with Sir Quips-A-Lot. And then the - sorry I was an ____hole [his word, not mine] letter - with a heart sticker on the envelope arrived in the mail. [Crud.]

Honestly, this summer was all about spreading my wings and being naughty in a body in which I loved doing naughty things [and let's just say - I had a blast.]

It was also about self-discovery.

In my sporadic dating past, my pattern was to initiate dating in the spring and scurry back inside just when the heat spiked in the summer [because I felt completely self-conscious in my skin.]

This summer I found out that I get bored with dating - not because of what was once low self-esteem or body-hatred - but because its contrived nature is just kind of boring to me.

For me, it can be something I do every now and then - like vacuuming or cleaning the top of the refrigerator. It does not need to be some mandatory mission.

Maybe it's because I don't have any biological urgencies - like things ticking inside my body. My uterus might just be taking up space - like the magic flame box in the kitchen.

Maybe I don't like dudes I'm dating in my personal space or my house [like stop touching my stuff?!] or the obligatory bathroom cleaning that comes with having "company" over [sigh] or gnat-like attention spans that need to obsessively change channels every 20 seconds.

Maybe I really like my space and freedom - like all of it [not just the negotiated bits.]

Or maybe I am just this silly little thing called happy.

Just like I am.

Somewhere along the way [somewhere between crying over Ezekial bread early this summer to now - and the strength I feel from the invaluable lessons I learned dating and Sir Quips-A-Lot]...

Life became succulent and juicy and about more than just numbers or other people's ideas of who I should be.

I wasn't waiting to be loved by men or my family - I learned to love me first.

I wasn't waiting for acceptance - I had to accept me or change me or both.

I wasn't allowing anyone to get in my way - not anyone. No exceptions.

This was definitely not what I was looking for when I started my journey 10 months ago.

But this summer my "normal" became normal.

My normal became my peace.

So the letter from Sir Quips-A-Lot was a lost cause. I was still angry at that point ['cause I don't like being likened to a third-grader.] In my world, there is no justification for calling someone stupid.

That's when I embrace my inner "oh no he didn't" and fight for my power.

Name-calling like that is all about taking someone's power.

So he had to go. That is all. No exceptions.

Dont' get me wrong the dates were fantabulous - however, less talking by him would have been more. [Note to self: Consider dating mimes.]

Anyway, I recycled the letter. I deleted the phone calls. Done. Next.

Summer is over, but I will remember it like it was the best summer of my life - because it was.

And I learned lots about myself and from Sir Quips-A-Lot.

Like listen more to words in between the lines and ask better questions and give better answers [I am pretty sure that is called communication].

Also, did you know eggs have an expiration date? [I know. Right?!] This was information he happily offered while inspecting my fridge - and after he found 4-month old eggs. I now realize why he insisted on buying groceries and cooking every meal or eating out...


In his final letter he said: "You deserve the best this world has to offer, please do not settle for less."

This is not something I needed to re-learn.

But it doesn't hurt to be reminded every now and then.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I just gotta agree with RUBIA on this one.....
    3283 days ago
    Oh Teeny, you always make me laugh out loud. Thanks sweetie and keep being you!
    3292 days ago
    Your blog just gave me an epiphany. Thank you.
    3293 days ago
    I can't really add to what everyone else has already said. Just keep on being happy with yourself! You deserve it!
    3294 days ago
    Wow! You're amazing!
    3296 days ago
    Was the best summer ever... til next year! :)
    3308 days ago
    Now I see... sorry it didn't work out... but why did you continue seeing him (per later blog)??

    •*´¨) † God's Blessings
    ¸.• ¸.•*´¨)¸.•*¨) †
    (¸.• ♥ Kathy ♥
    3313 days ago
    There is a silly little thing called happy isn't there? I place it right up there with the unwritten commandment. More of us need to realize that and truly go for it in the skin we are in. I am happy for you that you were able to realize that there is life after relationships. its ok to enjoy being with yourself and enjoying you which it seems that you do.
    3321 days ago
    Missed you and reading your blogs! It looks like I missed a few Time for catch up... emoticon
    3322 days ago
    i commend you on finding happiness with in your inner self..
    You have the right to true happiness, a man can help.. but often they try to change you.. much easier to just have boy toys around when you need them. enjoy your newfound freedom and enjoy your life you deserve it..
    3322 days ago
    Brilliant you. Period.
    3324 days ago
    As I said a few minutes ago. Amen.


    You mean that the top of the fridge needs to be cleaned? UhOh. I'm in trouble.
    3330 days ago
    I saved this one and read it just now! If you ever start writing a daily column I will be your number one fan! I realize this is your life but you have a gift and every few weeks we get a juicy tidbit about a life well lived with some joy, love, a little turmoil,and lots of fun stuff sprinkled in there. When my daughter gets old enough (she is only ten) I want to share your blog with her --so she can have a great vast knowlege of self love and self discovery.
    3332 days ago
    Girl, if you decide to date mimes, remember to stock up on the olive loaf. (And if that reference is utterly lost on you, you need to go read some vintage "Bloom County" and memorize some Opus quotes of your own. Hee.)

    I LOVE reading your blogs. You're me. But better. :-)

    3335 days ago
    Well I'm glad you were able to move beyond someone like that and find true happiness. Don't worry, the right one comes along eventually...you just gotta be patient!
    3335 days ago
    only learned about the exp date on eggs a couple of years ago.....lol
    3336 days ago
    You DO deserve the best!!
    3336 days ago
    Teeny, i wish you would write a book because when you put it on paper, it all hits home! it's all so true and something that all women, (even us married ones) need to pay attention to. hmmm, maybe i could get my husband to read it! i think he might benefit from your "column"!
    3338 days ago
    good for you! " my normal is normal, became my peace" I going to steal this line for myself and embrace it!
    3338 days ago
  • PUNZIE73

    Isn't self-discovery great? Good for you!
    3339 days ago
  • CHARLEY9291
    ~~It always warms my soul when women grow, learn and accept themselves for who they are.~~Embrace yourself first. All else will fall into place.!~PEACE!~
    3340 days ago
    Once again, you put a voice to what so many of us need to hear. God Bless You
    3342 days ago
    I too love reading your blogs, I laugh out loud no matter where I am when I read them. You have sure come a long way since you got here on Spark, talk about self-discovery. You have learned sooo much, what is important, what isn't important, and most importantly WHO is the MOST IMPORTANT, YOU!!! You made the choice that was best for YOU, I am so proud. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and your new found happiness.
    3343 days ago
    Way to go :)
    3346 days ago
  • KITKA82
    *sigh* you go girl.
    3347 days ago
    I didn't realize that I have not subscribed to your blog! I need to start writing some of my own now! you are such an inspriation!
    3348 days ago
    Oh, I am so proud of you. You have come a long way this summer. You have always felt you are worthy of so much more & now you know who you are and you are Worth It. Like the old Kenny Rogers song "Know when to hold them & know when to fold them". He was talking about cards but it is true in life as well. I am glad you folded Sir Quips-A-Lot. You saw the path of his mind set. You are not stupid & you are so smart & beautiful inside and out. I think you have always known what you wanted and have not compromised on the out come.

    I would love to see your new Mums that you planted. I would love to see a picture of the front of your house when you get all your Christmas lights up & turned on. I think you should post a new picture of yourself for your holiday picture.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3348 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/17/2010 2:51:07 PM
    "A silly little thing called happy". emoticon
    You know I had that a long time ago and I gotta find it again and hang onto it this time!!! Definitely have to find my happy and "my inner "oh no he didn't" and fight for my power" attitude. They've been gone quite a while but I can get them back. Because I deserve the best this world has to offer, and I don't want to settle for less anymore. I'm not sure which one is worse; what people do to us or what we let them do to us. You are a good, strong woman and I really admire you for your awesome attitude and your awesome strenth. Thanks for reminding us that we are worth so much! Stay happy!!!

    3348 days ago
  • TLMS007
    I love reading your blogs, one thing you said that really caught my eye was that you have to love yourself first. I'm the kind of person that give 150% to everyone in my life, of course this leaves little for myself. I'm learning to love myself first.
    3351 days ago
    Life is a journey. The road takes us to highs and lows...but it does take us and we go. You are learning so much on your journey. Your insights are ones to store away and ponder and learn from. I'm so proud of you and so happy for you. You're really coming into yourself. What a great part of the journey to be at. Enjoy! Keep sparking! emoticon emoticon
    3351 days ago
    It is my kindred soul so many miles away! I agree with all of these folks I seek your blogs OUT they are so wonderful. You are an amazing woman! So glad to have found you here and your inspiration keeps me putting one foot in front of the other and me at the front of the line!
    3351 days ago
    I love reading your blogs! Once again your words are an inspiration...thank you for sharing your thoughts!
    3351 days ago
    I love reading your blogs and what really touched me was something I hadn't thought about in a while--name calling and the fact that people do that to try to take your power away from you! You are strong and truly a blessing! I appreciate you! emoticon
    3352 days ago
    Teeny what I love about your blogs is you share your lessons of strength and are helping make others strong around you! You certainly have given me lots to think about as I am slowly re-entering the dating world... and like you, I'm just not quite sure that I even need it as I'm already HAPPY! emoticon
    3352 days ago
    Seriously you need to write professionally - you have got it all! I chuckle, and cry at your blogs , YOU just make sense!
    AND you have also taught me a few things as you found yourself, I am working on the loving me part... but I know its in there!

    You do deserve only the best, and I am sorry for the loss of this one, no one needs to be likened to a 3rd grader.. ever. and really no one has the right to speak unkindly or sarcastically of others... another lesson learned by me - and again you make it sound simple!

    take care and keep rocking this planet... emoticon
    3353 days ago
    As usual, way to use your own experience as a teaching experience for others... Thank you (as usual) for putting it perspective. The it, I guess, is life in general. You're insight is fantastic. And I really mean it, if you write a book, I'm so buying tons of copies! You have a gift. Apparently, several gifts. You're AMAZING. emoticon
    3353 days ago
    Once again, I just love your blogs. You are a fantastic writer with a great wit and fantastic insights on a great personal discovery journey. Thanks for sharing it all with us.
    3354 days ago
    You are great--and authentic!
    3354 days ago
    As usual, I loved your blog. I love, love, love....that you are happy with or without a man! Now that's inspirational for a lot of women! emoticon
    3355 days ago
    You are such a breath of fresh air!!!! I love your blogs and I'm so happy for your humor, intelligence, and wisdom with this whole process.

    3355 days ago
    Great blog as usual! And you made the right choice! As you already know!
    3355 days ago
    There is nothing more refreshing than a women who can be happy without a man in her life. So many women feel incomplete without a man in their life no matter how destructive the relationship and how unhappy they are. I love love your blogs. and I love that you are happy with yourself. You rock the house! please keep writing your blogs because there is nothing better that a woman who will not settle for less emoticon
    3356 days ago
    Thanks for being so open and honest not only with your Sparkfriends but with yourself. You are succeeding and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
    3356 days ago
    Love your blog!! I look forward to reading it since it brings more happiness to my day!
    3356 days ago
    I know exactly what you mean. I love male companionship(all of it)but I have problems with the 24/7 concept. I love to see happy marriages that last a lifetime but something in me just can not fathom looking at the same person day in and day out for years. I'm sure that when everything flows like it is supposed to we would gladly make the necessary adjustments!!!
    emoticon HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE...a choice that no one gets to infringe upon.
    3356 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/9/2010 5:20:06 PM
    OH I JUST LOVE THIS BLOG!!! You just really made me smile today! I am sooo happy for you right now!! That you have found true happiness with YOURSELF!!! Love, Love, LOVE IT!!!
    Thanks for always putting a smile on my face...I swear you need to write books or something.
    3356 days ago
    Thanks for speaking Truth to Happy emoticon

    Have a fabulous gorgeous winter - you twinkle just the way you are!!


    OOOps... couldn't figure out how to delete this duplicate - so I'm gonna leave it to rock double the happy, double the fun!
    3356 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/9/2010 9:58:32 AM
    Thanks for speaking Truth to Happy emoticon

    Have a fabulous gorgeous winter - you twinkle just the way you are!!

    3356 days ago
    Go YOU!
    3356 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3357 days ago
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