Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sometimes you don't want to care. Sometimes you don't want to feel. Sometimes you don't want to deal with problems. But you have to. I guess this is called being an adult.
I don't want to care that I have no meaningful relationships in my life. I don't want to care that everytime that I try to make a meaningful, lasting relationship, it falls apart or fades away a few months later.
I don't want to feel the hurt of being alone and having people that do not care. Oh, people say they care.. when I scream give me attention. But, on an everyday series, they don't. Or at least they don't show it. What is the point of caring if you don't show it?
I don't want to have problems. I don't want to have depression where if I don't constantly have solid friendships, my stress levels go up which increases my depression sessions. I don't want to have apraxia which gives me all kind of issues.. still. Like the last few days, I have felt so uncoordinated. In self defense, I felt my partner, someone else I usually don't have, blamed me for us messing up.
So, many things have sucked in the last few days.. so today.. I don't care about calories. I don't care about exercise. I don't want to care about it anymore. So, for one day I won't. I will just care about me and what I want.