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Day 263: The Return of Ben

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Monday, September 27, 2010

Remember Ben [Mr. Do You Have an Iron?].

Ben from match.com who claimed he wanted to be exclusive before he went on vacation in July, left for New Orleans and never called me when he returned.

Dead - you say? Nope. Still alive.

Lost at sea. Um, no - found.

Calling me at work? Yes. [Note to self: Looking at caller ID is more effective than not.]

I love a great story. I do. I love a good book, a country song, and my neighbor because they all tell great stories.

Here is Ben's...

Ben was being stalked by an ex. Allegedly, "she" was following him and showed up in his driveway like on CSI. Fearing for my safety he cut off all contact with me. [I know?! Right?! Fantabulous story. Oscar-worthy.]

When I inquire why he couldn't fear for his life AND email me of his whereabouts [you know, multi-task] - he said, "It would be rude." [Um... bored with you now. I have to get back to figuring out what kind of knee-high boot my smaller calves want for a Fall present... Oh, I mean working.]

I used to be concerned about other people's feelings more than mine and even if that person treated me badly - I would accept it.

I put myself last.

I told myself I did not matter and locked all of the pain inside – I was so busy being the “nice,” luscious girl.

Thus, I would get caught up in other people's stories and forget about my own.

Not anymore.

Just for context, I can’t tell you how many folks I’ve met online that have told me the “I have a stalker story” on the FIRST date. [totally wild and kinda sad, not because I think it’s true - but because most of them have procreated, sadly spreading their idiotic seed across the planet… sigh]

Still, I told Ben I am glad he is safe [‘cause I was raised right] and that I only wished him the best [Go away – I am looking for knee-high boots. It’s an emergency...]

When I returned to the home place, there were three messages on my answering machine from Mr. Has-an-Iron and one whiny email about making "it" up to me. [Ugh. I know. Right... Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Next.]

Onto someone much more scrumptious and completely worthy of my time...

On our third date, Craig [Mr. Wonderful from eharmony.com] and I went to Redbank, NJ where we watched people crab for dinner [totally interesting], went to a farmer's market and did some sightseeing.

The weather was spring-like and we sat on a bench overlooking Assunpink Creek filled with boaters enjoying the weather as well. I was hungry so he said pick a restaurant for lunch and I did [and y'all, all I can say is - steak yum! Beef is good food]. After lunch, we drove through the mountains to look at rich people's McMansions. [I love doing this. They never have curtains – it’s like they want me to look at their stuff.]

As we are driving, Craig spies a hiking path between two McMansions that he believes is part of a park leading to a scenic overlook of New York City. [Seriously, he is like the path whisperer - he has found a secluded hiking/walking path on every date thusfar in this fashion.] I have never met someone who likes walking in the woods so much. Me – I like controlled nature locales like my garden – where there are no bears and no one will have to send out a search party to find me.

I am wearing Merrell walking shoes because I have learned to always be prepared for some cardio on these dates. [Note to self: Add cute hiking boots to shopping list.]

So we walked and walked and walked to the point where I felt it was hard to look cute and hike simultaneously. [Yes, looking fab is still a goal, even in the woods.]

When we get to the top - the view is not as he remembers it. It is overgrown and the cityscape is now mostly hidden. And I am mentally prepping myself to go down the steep hill without killing myself when…

He puts his arm around my waist from behind and pulls me close to him. "It has never been more beautiful here," he says.

Mr. Wonderful is talking about me?! [I know. Right?!] And I have a waist! [Awesomesauce.] There was a time I would never let anyone hug me around the waist because I was so self-conscious. I would immediately recoil and feel shame.

Not anymore.

Suddenly, we are kissing – again.

I totally forgot about hiking and boots and falling to my death down the hill.

‘Cause this life rocks.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    and soooo glad that Ben the boob has been put in his place..
    3334 days ago
    So happy my friend..you are so deserving of the richness of life.. you have much to catch up on xoxo shine on girl xoxo
    3334 days ago
    Awesomesause is awesome and you are an incredible writer.. I just keep on reading!
    3335 days ago
  • PUNZIE73
    I actually stood up and applauded. It's like I having a world renowned writer sitting on my desk when I read your blogs, AMAZING! I seriously have to catch up on ALL your blogs! How come you haven't been on Oprah, or have you?
    3348 days ago
  • no profile photo NINJA_SMOO
    Hahah! I love reading your blogs. Your sense of humour is awesome :) Thanks so much for posting.
    3366 days ago
    your blogs rock!! (and I have a whole season to catch up with :) )

    You did good girl, keep it up!!
    3366 days ago
    I love your blogs hehehe
    3379 days ago
    You are my new favorite comic relief.
    3382 days ago
    Hope your hard searching (um, working, yeah, working...gotta get the terminology right incase the Boss is looking) won you those knee-high boots you were concentrating on so hard.

    Keep deleting those messages. They get in the way of other more important things...like trying to find just the right outfit to go with those boots!

    Yay YOU!!
    3384 days ago
  • BETHIE-22
    This is just an awesome read!!! And I have to tell you, that I had a guy give me a similar excuse - he had his pilot license and lived in Virginia, working for a very popular company. He just disappeared one day and I received an email from his sister stating that he was flying over the weekend and his plane went down. She gave me this whole BS story of a search party and EVERYTHING. I scowered over the news, and even went as far as checking the FAA and found nothing. About a year later, he sends me an IM and says he had to "hide" from an crazy ex. Whatev!!! The lengths men will go through to blow you off!
    3387 days ago
    Girl you are a natural born storyteller. You could make a trip to the potty seem like an adventure. You rock.
    3387 days ago
    i have never known anyone but my 2 close friends and i to say "Awesome-sauce"...i love that we're so far apart yet use the same word, emoticon
    3388 days ago
    Ok, I just have to tell you that "Awesomesauce" made me laugh out loud, literally. My husband's giving me funny looks from the other couch.
    3389 days ago
  • 250STRONG
    So so so so so cool! And I love how you articulate all of this because it is so parallel to my own trip right now. I used to always just lap up every ounce of attention from any guy - and now I find myself ignoring texts and being super selective because I would rather be alone or with my friends than with someone who is a waste of my time.
    3389 days ago
  • TWISTINA5791
    HILARIOUS and touching at the same time! This is awesome, keep up the great work and enjoy your life!
    3391 days ago
    Girl you deserve every hug and kiss that man gives you. You are rocktastic!!
    3391 days ago
    I thought of this blog this morning. I heard this 70's song on the radio..."I Will Survive". LOL.
    3391 days ago
    Stalker?...Really now. Anyway, happy you seemed to have found someone much better. Good Luck! emoticon
    3391 days ago
    Lame-o Mr. Iron head! Classic liar with a wife or girlfriend story. Hahahaha! LMAO as usual about your awesome antics. Keep up the good work!
    3392 days ago
    You need to write a book...seriously. This is the best story about boots I've ever read!
    3392 days ago
  • IXCHEL23
    So happy for you!!! You are such a awesome writer! LOVE your blogs and love your sunny spirit that is always uplifting to me!

    3392 days ago
    Totally inspired that you are the author of your life
    3392 days ago
    I read this before from my phone but you know y i never commented!!

    This is so awesome!! I'm so happy you are enjoying a romantic experience!!
    Hoots and hollas to you girl!!

    Be good! emoticon
    3394 days ago
    Awesomesauce doesn't even BEGIN to cover it! You totally rock, you know that!! It's so fun living vicariously through you because your life is nothing short of FABULOUS!!

    3394 days ago
    Oh how I missed your blogs while away from SP for a couple of weeks! This read just like a novel! You should really, really write a book or something! You have such a way with words and keeping the reader's interest...just awesome!
    So, so, so glad that you saw Ben's "stories" for what they were....stories, lies...whatever you want to call them!
    Keep loving yourself and putting yourself first! I wish all of the best for you on this journey! You're still my She-ro! :-)
    3394 days ago
    You're My Hero...putting yourself first...I JUST LOVE IT!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3394 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/11/2010 3:16:30 PM
    I seriously had to go make myself some hot choco (and popcorn emoticon ahahah) to sit back and read this!! I LOVE your blog and will start working my way back to Mr Ben (and beyond) ahahahah!!! Mr Wonderful IS a keeper!! I'm soo happy for you (happines, waist, future cute boots etc.)..

    PS: LMAO @ "controlled nature locales" and "hard to look cute and hike simultaneously"..MADE MY DAY!! bahahah
    3394 days ago
    I could write blogs all week about ALL of the things I love about this blog!!!!

    The stalker story is classic...CLASSIC!!! And I so relate to what you said about always putting other people's feelings first!

    You are a gift and I am so grateful to be connected to your story and your life through SparkPeople.

    Rock on girl - you are da bomb!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3394 days ago
    WOW I love it! What a fantastic date, and "fit" must feel sooo great, you deserve every minute of it, you've earned it. And off to the wayside with Mr. ....what was it? Iron? LOL Who the heck was that? Who cares!@@
    3394 days ago
    What a GREAT story!! Looooooved your search for the proper boots while listening to psychotic Ben.

    In the Domina Manual of Life, as recommended by both Oprah and Johnny Depp, the search for THIGH-high boots trumps ALL men. Well, that search trumps everything....

    Loved the story of Craig... this is fabulous sweetness! Go gorge yourself and enjoy !! Enjoy, enjoy him, enjoy having a waist... just enjoy it alllll! You deserve it!

    3396 days ago
    Great feeling to be told you're beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
    3396 days ago
    Awwwww! You ROCKed his world!
    3396 days ago
    Great story. Good luck with Mr. Right; He sounds like a real keeper, someone to hold on tight to.
    3397 days ago
  • no profile photo CHOCMOM
    emoticon for sharing your life with us - always brings a smile to my face. Yes, Ben is soooo OVA!!!! Not worth your TIME! You are emoticon
    3398 days ago
    You could seriously write a book about weight loss and dating. It would be a best seller. You have some real talent.
    3398 days ago
  • IN_IT_2_WIN_IT
    You go gurl. I have to admit I was waiting for the part where you told Mr. Do You Have an Iron? that he was full of crap and his "stalker" story was just as phoney as he. But you handled it like a classy lady.
    3399 days ago
    Once again you make me laugh and sigh all at once. I think you missed your calling....AUTHOR perhaps?
    3399 days ago
    I LOVE IT! (especially mr. ben's oscarworthy story (and the winner is....). Mr. eharmony sounds amazing!
    3399 days ago
  • 1D1W1Y
    Too happy for you is all I can say and Ben-OVA :)
    Dust your hands off he is done ;)

    which thigh highs did you decide on... !!?
    3399 days ago
    You make me laugh out loud! Who are you, woman?! Thank you for sharing your story... Your life is a light, dear emoticon emoticon

    3400 days ago
  • DMARIE671
    Simply love you.Great story. Go for it!!!!
    3400 days ago
    emoticon Sooooo romantic!
    3400 days ago
    I, too, connect shoe shopping to working...funny how that happens, isn't it? I'm SO glad you're enjoying life and you finally have someone that makes you happy!
    3400 days ago

    Woo! Hoo!
    3401 days ago
    OK OMG!! First of all you totally made me laugh when you said I HAVE A WAIST!! AND when you said "I have to get back to figuring out what kind of knee-high boot my smaller calves want for a Fall present..." I love your attitude and I always say I am so much like you in these stories, but I know exactly how you mean about always caring about others and putting their feelings before yours! I do *record scratches* DID that myself and it is the most liberating feeling to just stop it! I found out that my ex was cheating on me when I was at his house one evening for dinner. When I found out. I, very lady-like of course, got up and walked out. Have not returned his messages, acknowledged his apologies or spoken a word to him since. Not that Im trying to be mean, I just don't feel the need to any longer. Before I would want to talk to him so that he could explain himself and give me some "GOOD" reason why it happened and give him another opportunity to lie and "make it all right". Not interested, on to the next one, like you said "someone much more scrumptious and completely worthy of my time". You rock!!! emoticon
    3401 days ago
    Go YOU! You deserve only the best in life and ALL it has to offer! Glad you enjoyed your time with Mr eharmony emoticon
    3401 days ago
    Yayyy teeny! So romantic, I'm loving it! Thanks for filling in on Ben's story, wondered what happened to the creep!

    Enjoy the lusciousness of fall with your newfound friend!
    3401 days ago
  • IMOGEN39
    You have such a great sense of humor, I was laughing all through this blog....soooo happy for you
    3401 days ago
    Woo Hoo! I love your blogs. I am glad you are having a wonderful time. Forget the guys with stalker ex-girlfriends. Their loss (oh, and a huge loss it is!). I am glad you are exercising while dating (isn't that something. Most dates are all about food and wine and lazying about on a couch gazing into each other's eyes) Have fun, you deserve it.
    3401 days ago
    Beautiful!!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! You deserve to be happy! How awesome is it that you're putting yourself first and letting the Bens of the world go where they deserve to go!
    3401 days ago
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