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THECRAZYMANGO
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I don't see the 75# when I look in the mirror.

Monday, September 27, 2010

For the last month or so, I haven't been staying up this late.. but I can't sleep. I have alot on my mind. To potentially help me sleep, I thought I'd like blog.. so.. here goes nothing.

Basically, my problem can be condensed down in one thought: I have lost nearly 75 lbs but I still feel insecure and fat.

When I look in the mirror, I see me. I feel like I haven't changed. My shape is the same. I am just smaller.

What has changed are guys paying attention to me. I mean attractive, cute guys that I couldn't even fathom before. Now I think I find them checking me out. And, honestly, it scares me. I don't know how to be confident and flirt. I freeze up.

For most of my life, I have been the ugly one. Not to me.. but to them. I was the girl with speech issues or a little on the chubby side in school. It was not cool to like me. Now I am a nice size 12 emoticon and I have all kinds of guys on my hands.

I am sure they are all very nice guys.. but they are not for me. How do I know? I honestly don't think they can understand my insecurities. Can they understand why I don't feel confident? Can they be patient with me when I mess it up when they try to kiss me? You know the awkward silence at the end of the date? I tend to mess that up.. every time!

More importantly, can I trust them? Most of the time in High School, I was ridiculed by the most popular boy. Now, I don't trust popular athletes. More and more, I am finding some are nice but dating wise I want nothing to do with that heart break.

If that wasn't enough, my ex-boyfriend, who I was close friends with, is like putting a move on me. Or it sure feels like it. To me, putting your hand on MY knee is more than friends. Either way, I feel its one big game.. something I don't know if I want anything to do with.

There is a guy that has taught me to laugh again. Seriously, I didn't realize I was so serious and didn't have laughter in my life until about a month ago. According to SHERYLDS, laughter burns calories so just for that reason I will keep him in my life. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 1CRAZYDOG
    OMG, keep the one who makes you laugh1 Definitely!!!
    3538 days ago
  • CTUCCI
    finding laughter and support from someone are some of the most important qualities. The key though is finding that confidence in you. Keep on exercising, and eating right, take that time to look in the mirror and point out to yourself all of the wonderful things you see. You spent a long time being that heavier girl - it might take you a little while to get to know this trimmed down you. I have a feeling you are going to love her!!!

    We all have some of those days - but in the end, from within, we lose weight and grow as individuals! Congratulations on all of your accomplishments. You are an inspiration.


    3538 days ago
  • WOMANCHEF
    Keep the one who makes you laugh. It will be hard for you to become a butterfly now that you are out of your fat cocoon and you need someone with a sense of humor. If you are not ready for dating then don't date yet. Your confidence will build in time and then you will be ready. Good luck and congratulations of your weight loss!!! emoticon
    3538 days ago
  • VICIOUS421
    In time you will start to feel more confident with yourself & the way your look & how it affects the male population. This guy who makes you laugh sounds really nice, who knows where it could go? You will find when you meet the right guy you 2 will laugh about that awkward moment & find a way to get past it then it won't feel so awkward any more.
    Congratulations on your weight loss!!!!!!!
    emoticon emoticon
    3538 days ago
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