Pity Party? Table for one?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I am in a terrible funk the past few days. I can't really put my finger on exactly what is bothering me but I am hoping that this exercise of writing (typing) will help me snap out of it.
I have been reminded often lately that I should be proud of myself for losing weight, exercising more and embracing a healthier life. For some reason with each comment I slip further and further into my thoughts and the truth that I am disappointed with myself.
I haven't lost all the weight I want to, I still have 15-20 lbs left to lose. I haven't completed a 5k yet (still not a runner). I still see wide hips, a fat butt and my pooch (that lower belly flat associated with having children) when I look in the mirror. I still struggle with push ups! Look at these area in which I have not been succesful......whine, whine...Pity Party, table for one?
Why is it so easy for me to beat up on myself and not remember all I have acheived? Why doesn't my brain just automatically counteract the negativity with my successes?
I have lost 50+ lbs since I started this journey. I am registered to run my first 5K on November 14th and I know I will complete it. My hips aren't as wide as they were, my butt either...and I can feel ab muscles under my Pooch. I can do everything my trainer tells me do it (and usually with a smile on my face). I love Strength Training, I love bootcamp, I love that my husband and I do those things together.
Maybe my brain will always need a shove out of the negative space...maybe my funks will be fewer and further between. Maybe I will always be a mental, spiritual and physical work in progress.
I'm ok with that.......................