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Pity Party? Table for one?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I am in a terrible funk the past few days. I can't really put my finger on exactly what is bothering me but I am hoping that this exercise of writing (typing) will help me snap out of it.

I have been reminded often lately that I should be proud of myself for losing weight, exercising more and embracing a healthier life. For some reason with each comment I slip further and further into my thoughts and the truth that I am disappointed with myself.

I haven't lost all the weight I want to, I still have 15-20 lbs left to lose. I haven't completed a 5k yet (still not a runner). I still see wide hips, a fat butt and my pooch (that lower belly flat associated with having children) when I look in the mirror. I still struggle with push ups! Look at these area in which I have not been succesful......whine, whine...Pity Party, table for one?

Why is it so easy for me to beat up on myself and not remember all I have acheived? Why doesn't my brain just automatically counteract the negativity with my successes?

I have lost 50+ lbs since I started this journey. I am registered to run my first 5K on November 14th and I know I will complete it. My hips aren't as wide as they were, my butt either...and I can feel ab muscles under my Pooch. I can do everything my trainer tells me do it (and usually with a smile on my face). I love Strength Training, I love bootcamp, I love that my husband and I do those things together.

Maybe my brain will always need a shove out of the negative space...maybe my funks will be fewer and further between. Maybe I will always be a mental, spiritual and physical work in progress.

I'm ok with that.......................



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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TEENY_BIKINI
    It just takes time.

    I know with every picture you get more stunning and sassy. You are beautiful. Just keep on saying it to yourself because it is true on the inside and outside, beautiful...

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3778 days ago
  • J-ALEXIS
    I think all of us have pity parties, occassionally.... it is normal. The most important thing is to realize the "mind talking" is negative and in need of extra work in pushing it away, so that the fabulous thoughts can take over.

    You have done amazing!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Congratulations on a fabulous job!!

    Warm smiles,

    J.Alexis
    3786 days ago
  • JEA1668
    i totally agree :) i had my own litte pity party the last few days :) even after all the changes and things ive accomplished i still see this and that like how it used to be (bigger hips, bigger butt etc!) thank you for putting this down on 'paper' :-p ;)
    3786 days ago
  • ADESSO1234
    I can so relate to this post- thanks so much for writing it.

    This reminds me of something that happened to me just last week.
    I was at the dentist office, just getting my teeth cleaned, and the hygenist, who I'm friendly with, says to me "Julie, you are always so hard on yourself". Ughh

    It was a bit of a wake up call. We are always our own worst critcs-so hard on ourselves. And we should really be our own biggest cheerleaders. But being aware of it, means we can change it.

    You rock girl- i think you're awesome:)) emoticon
    3786 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/14/2010 4:09:30 PM
  • CINNAMONGURL06
    I think that we always tend to err on the side of being our own worst critics. I am finding on this journey that it takes constant effort to reverse that thinking and be my biggest cheerleader- because this journey to be fit, lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle is (in my opinion) about 80% mental- so if we can keep our attitudes positive and surround ourselves with positive- there is no room for the negatives to creep in and sabatoge our efforts.

    That is one of the biggest gains I have found from Spark- this is such an awesome/loving community and there are a ton of resources, as well as outlets (blogging) for the "battles" we face.

    I've seen all your pictures and I think you are beautiful inside and out- there will always be things we don't particularly love about ourselves but like you said if all of our work was done, what would there be to strive for- just change the way you look at it- remind yourself of all the pluses you have already mentioned (changes in your body definition, weight/inches lost, quality time with the hubby, etc.) and keep on truckin'! You've got this girlfriend!

    emoticon , Cinnamon
    3787 days ago
  • STAYCXL-NOMORE
    I think there is a point where the negative thinking takes over us all and you said it right it may never change but you seem to be happier and you are healthier since you started and I continue to see you as a great inspiration , keep up the great work !!! emoticon
    Stayc
    3787 days ago
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