I want to run. I want to say that I'm a runner, but more importantly, I want that feeling of running. I was never much of a runner because I was always told that fat girls shouldn't run. Had Spark been in my life when I was about 15 I would've told people to F-off and would have run anyways, but it wasn't, and I didn't. No going back. Now that I'm getting in better shape, I still have this almost heartsick urge to run. Nearly every day this thought plagues me.
Oh, I can hear you all now. "So you want to run? Then run! Stop with the excuses!" But since my knee surgery when I was about 16, and the following additional weight added to my joints, my left knee is absolute crap. I have tried to run (and loved every second of it!) but it's always followed by one of my knee-popping incidents. And I hear the same thing over and over - don't run. *sigh* I'm so SICK of hearing that I shouldn't run.
What I want to hear is that I CAN run. I want to hear how to fix the problem. I want to hear that there IS a way to build the strength in my knee so I can run again. I want to hear how you can wrap a HUGE knee so that you add stability, without the wraps rolling up and 1) being completely ineffective and 2) causing pain and rubbing to the back of my knee. I want to know in some sciency way how I can get around this problem and achieve my heart's desire...to run.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to run super-fast sprints. I don't even need to run fast. "Wogging," as some call it, is quite fine with me. But I WANT to run. Do you know that I have this distinct fear that I will be in a bad situation one day and won't be able to run away? How crazy is that? But I still think about it. I had hoped that once my 10k training was done I could start the C25k program and PERHAPS run my 5k in mid-October...even if I was really slow! But still, I don't know how to work my way around the knee...and my choices are to 1) go for it anyway and risk injury or 2) resign myself to walking for now, or possibly - forever!
Sometimes I wonder - How sore am I supposed to feel? Is this enough? I've read a million fitness articles in my day. A million and one, probably. And all of them talk about that good sore. I know the difference between the two (good sore/bad sore) thanks to last week, but now I'm struggling with - how much do I do on sore muscles?
And this foot thing...the new skin that hurts a bit. How much time does that need to heal? Will I be ready for Saturday? What do I cover it with? What do I do if it starts bleeding again? Do I risk having to have my friggin' foot amputated if I push too hard? (Yeah, I'm weird and do actually think these things.) Can you put moleskin over new skin or would that be a bad idea?
Let me explain, the old skin that was removed was tough skin that I could easily say was an inch thick (because I have hardly any visual interpretation of actual measurements *lol*)! What I really mean is that there is a small "dent" in my foot now between the old tough skin and the new skin. What the crap? Will this level out or will I always have this strange hole in my foot? *sigh* I'm confused.
I keep my real life and my Spark life separate. Don't get me wrong, I love meeting Sparkies IRL, and I hope to do more of it. But many of my IRL people just can't take the amount of honesty I have vowed to keep here on Spark.
Today, I broke this rule. I invited a friend from school to Spark. She started running this summer and has worked herself up to 5-6 miles! She's trying to lose weight, she admitted today, and so I sent her a message on FB and invited her over here. No clue if she'll take the opportunity, but I put it out there. I broke my rule and let my real life bleed into Spark a bit. (Except for my Momma, who I told immediately because I can trust her with just about anything! *lol*)
Do you guys do this too?