The Every Day Struggles

Yesterday was rough. Like super hard. Like beat your head against the wall and not care what happens hard. Okay, well not all of yesterday, but the evening workout anyway.

Truth is, I was tired. T-I-R-E-D. I yawned through my 10-hour work shift and could tell my body was craving more fuel throughout the day than normal. (It was trying to keep me going, trying to stay awake!) And even though my physical body was tired, my mind and spirit were wired and focused. With all the wonderful compliments I've been getting lately, here and "in the real world," it's hard to say sleep. It's hard not to keep pushing, even through the blah of tired. So at 5:55pm I changed into my gym clothes and 5 minutes later was headed out the door for home...I mean the gym.

There was no internal mental struggle to go to the gym. It's become such a habit that I don't even think about it. Go to work, go to the gym, go home. Nothing much changes from day to day (except weekends, of course). I got there, tied my laces up and headed upstairs for the treadmill. I had to wait a few minutes for the RIGHT treadmill (yes, I have a favorite treadmill *lol*) but I simply did a couple laps around the indoor track until I saw Sweaty Runner Boy get off.

I got on (and tried to avoid the mass amounts of boy sweat he left behind - EWW!) and settled in for a good 3 mile walk, as scheduled in my training for the week...and then 2 and a half minutes in (I kid you not) I was begging for mercy. I was tired. I didn't want to do it. My legs were moving and I felt physically fine, but I was just DONE for the night. And that's when the hard work started.

I have these mental battles with myself that usually go something like this:

Screw this! I'm too tired!
What the crap? Come on! You're not "tired," that's just an excuse.
Maybe...but so what? I've worked so hard, don't I deserve a break?
Sure you do! And you'll get one...on Sunday.
But I'm sick of walking, and I think my blister hurts.
Are you kidding me? Really?? Uh-oh.

Hey, wait! No it is not! It's uncomfortable, yes...but it's not hurting. You can still walk on it and just keep a mental eye on how it's doing.
But I just don't want to...*pout*
I know you don't. Sometimes walking is boring...and you forgot your book at home. I'll make you a deal though...
A deal? Ooh...what is it?
Don't think about 3 miles anymore. It's really okay if you can't do it today...you ARE tired. But just go as long as you can.
Okay...I guess that's alright...
*1.67 miles in*
OMG! It's SOOO hard! Why is it so hard?
Let's not think about "hard," let's figure out how to get through this for just a LITTLE bit longer, okay? I mean, you are halfway there already!
Yeah. Okay...you're right. So I guess when this thing cycles through the scan feature it equals about 2 one-hundredths of a mile.
That's good! Now let's just focus on getting to 1.69 then.
1.69....1.69....1.69....169...
169...169... Phew! There it is! Okay, let's get to 1.71 then.
You can do this! Just get to 2 miles...that's all I ask of you today!
Okay. Two miles. Yes. I can do that!
*2 miles in*
Good job! Can you do any more?
Yes...

3 miles and 59 minutes...my legs were definitely worked out and while I still didn't feel great about the walk, I had done it. I could give myself a sticker later. And even though I knew I was supposed to row for 15 minutes after, I knew my body couldn't do it. I went through the same reasoning and realized it was a reason, not an excuse. So I opted out of rowing for the day and figured I'd either try to squeeze it in later this week, or I would just be happy with my 3 miles for the day. And because I knew it was ST night, and I didn't really want to do that either, I used my every-ready excuse-repellant:

If you don't do it tonight, you're just going to have to do it tomorrow...which will make your next day Saturday...the day of your 5 miles. Do you REALLY want to come to the gym after your 5 miler to do ST?....Uhm, no.

So I finished out with 60 crunches with the 4lb medicine ball and a full round of ST. And then I went home and ate and spent the rest of the night feeling strong, but still very tired.

I'm still very scared about my 5 miles on Saturday. I have to get up very early to do it because Ethan has a scrimmage all day in Parkersburg that day (still not sure of the time, but probably sometime after 11am at least), and because I can't complete this at the gym. The treadmills are set up for 60 minutes, because they don't want people hogging them for any longer than that...and I don't blame them! I would hate to see someone hogging MY treadmill for an hour and a half! Plus, I figure it's better for me to train for this road race by doing my long Saturday walks on...well, the road. (DUH!) I think the hills just about killed me last Saturday because I hadn't walked outside for a while.

So the plan is to map out the route using Spark's map route feature, and then check the satellite image so I can get an idea of where I should stop and turn around. I'm going to avoid the two major hills by the house, but other than that, it's on like Donkey Kong. I've decided that I will time myself only to see how long it took me, but I will not push myself to go super fast. The goal is endurance on Saturday, so I will simply remind myself to endure. If I need a break, I will take it. I will take some extra water with me to make sure I stay hydrated, and I will make sure that by the end of the 5 miles I can tell Hubs and the boys, "Mommy did it!"

Onwards and downwards (on the scale)!