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Thought of late...

Monday, July 12, 2010

It's very weird. I have always..always been a person who believed in the "Everything happens for a reason" idea. I'm having a problem with that now. I'm an RN in a long term care facility and I care for residents with health issues, as well as memory problems. Many times they have no visitors..a couple lucky ones have their sons or daughters that visit. They are mostly in some kind of distress..pain, stress, depression, exasperation.. I give them lots of TLC as if they were my own parent, but not all caregivers do. So tell me. Why is it that after a life well lived with hard work and persistence, do we end up like this? Why do we end up suffering, when it seems we should feel loved and comfortable and happy after so may years of "doing" life. I'm not understanding this at all. Funny thing...not too long ago I had wanted a tattoo of 6 flowers representing my 6 beautiful daughters, on a pretty vine made out of those exact words.."Everything happens for a reason". Now I'm not so sure, and I'm glad I got busy and didn't have the chance to make the appointment. I feel a little shaken because that belief was always somewhat of a comfort to me. Brings me right down to what is the purpose of life? Geez...just give me a bottle of wine. :-)
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  • LMB-ESQ
    I had a hard time deciding how to respond to this blog. I've had either personal or vicarious involvement with several people in nursing homes recently, and I have to say, it is one of the most depressing things I've ever seen. I have a friend in the rehab part of a nursing home right now, and she isn't doing well. She seems to have given up hope of really getting well enough to get out. I don't really know what to do for her. I visit her as often as I can, even though I know it isn't enough. I'm fostering her cat for her, and I took the cat to visit once too. It seemed to brighten her up, but then we left, and then what? She was alone again.

    The people in the nursing home part seem like they are being warehoused, waiting to die. Most of them get no visitors either. I can't even imagine living a full life and then ending up like that. So I'm with you. I can't figure out "reason" on that one either. And the staff there doesn't seem as dedicated as you are to giving them any TLC.

    Makes me doubly... triply... glad we were able to keep my dad at home right up until the end. He never went into the hospital, or a nursing home, no doctors, no prodding and poking, no needles, no drugs. It's a much better way to go.

    All I can say is, keep doing what you're doing. I know those people appreciate everything you do for them, even if they can't express it. Maybe a reason will occur to you, maybe it won't. But in the end, you'll know in your heart that you did a good thing for them, went above and beyond, and gave of yourself in a way that gives back to you too. emoticon my friend... keep fighting the good fight.
    3596 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/25/2010 7:52:06 PM
  • 1DEBIE1
    Things do happen for a Reason....sadly, we can not always find the reason to justify the outcome of each and every situation.

    I firmly believe that the Perfect Person, comes into our life at the Perfect Time.......you are that person!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3602 days ago
  • GRACEC29
    Hey...hi there! I can relate also to what you're thinking is on all this. I've had the same thoughts as I've seen and been with the kids that I've taught that are in the crappiest and saddest of homes and families. Why does a child have to start life out suffering!? I figure I have a choice as to what I want to believe about this. Either I can believe there is a loving Higher Power, who I choose to call God, that has everything the way it is for a higher purpose, or not. If I think not then how did and do all the miraculous things come about in our world? Even the world itself? I mean it seems awfully arrogant on my part to think that there is no power greater than myself that is responsible for such miraculous stuff!. So, I do believe that there is a Higher Power going on and it flows around us and through us and that there is something way bigger going on than we as tiny little human beings can see. We just aren't ever going to have the answers to everything so we won't know the reason as to why we some people are suffering the way that they are. It feels a lot more comforting to me to have a belief in a higher power that is all loving and all about the positive. I mean if something were to happen to let's say a son of mine in some sort of freak accident, I could either have the belief that something waaaay bigger is going on for him that is meant to be the way it is or I could believe that nothing bigger is going on and that there was no good reason for the freak accident and I'm so smart I must know that for sure so, yes, that's what I'm going to believe because how can it all be about love and light and peace and beauty when horrible things happen!? I know it's easy for me to sit here and be typing happily away about this and would I actually be able to have faith in the unseen and find comfort in the middle of tragedy? I think faith gets tested like yours is right now by situations we find ourselves in or events that happen. It's like there's a fork in the road of our journey. Do we take the road of believing that there's a reason for everything or do we take the road of not. I figure I have nothing to lose if I take the believing road whereas I do have something to lose with not believing and that, like you said, is that source of comfort...a sense that we are all safely held no matter what it may look like. So, why would I want to do that to myself! I certainly wouldn't want anyone that I love to lose that feeling of comfort.

    So, I think your tattoo is a wonderful thing to get and I love the words. As your faith gets tested along the way, those words could be a powerful way to draw you back to your higher self that believes those words and believes that things may not be as they appear and that no matter what we are all safely held and everything is ok rather than allowing yourself to stay in your lower self place with no belief in a power greater than yourself and no belief that it's all ok no matter what. I think it would be a testimony to yourself that you took the path that takes courage to walk down. It doesn't take courage or action to go down the path of cynicism and no faith or belief. As you well know, our children learn by watching what we do not by what we say. This could be a turning point for you and the tatt could be a symbol that speaks to which way you turned...for yourself...and for your 6 beautiful daughters. How cool would that be!!!!

    My experience in Recovery has taught me that spirituality is like a muscle that needs to get exercised or it weakens. If I don't stay disciplined to do the things that keep it strong I start to get that cynical, icky, feeling about life and what's the purpose and why the hell did this or that happen and blah, blah, blah and I don't feel much joy about anything and lets bring on the alcohol to at least feel a little euphoria while in the grind of this crap life! Lord knows I go to that place pretty easily. So, unfortunately, for me, what it takes to stay out of that negative place are some daily actions that strengthen that spirituality muscle. Do I do this all the time? No, I get lazy and then end up having doubts like you are.

    Who knows why those old people end up like they are. I really do believe that we are all meant to be right where we are at any given moment for a reason. Maybe you are meant to be there to learn about compassion for old people which will help you to draw upon your higher self when it comes down to how are you going to treat the mom that you have issues with when she becomes like the people that you give all that TLC to. Maybe the people that you are giving the TLC to were meant to have you walk into their lives so that they could finally get to experience what tender loving care feels like before they leave this world. Who knows? I don't think it was luck that brought you to these people. I really do believe you are meant to be there..for those people...for a reason that is all about the Higher Power that flows through you to them...for them....and they, also, back to you.

    I know I've rambled a bit here but I think you blogged about this for a reason. I'm really glad that you did because it helped me to realize I need a bit of a tune up as they say. I need to get back to doing some of those daily things that I usually do that help me to feel like I have a strong relationship with my HP. It's pretty critical for me as a recovering alchy or I tend to slide right into a can(s) of Bud Lite to either a. numb out feeling cynical and/or negative or b.wanting to experience some chemically induced feelings of happiness and joy which don't last very long and then I'm off to the races chasing that short high I got for maybe an hour or less.

    So, I totally get the give me a bottle of wine comment at the end! I hope I haven't sounded preachy or stupidly philosophical. And I really do think you should get that tatto. It would also be a way to model for those 6 beautiful daughters of yours how strongly you believe in that saying. I'm sure you want your girls to have that faith that God has a plan and everything is for a reason. I remember when Ross was growing up and I'd drop him off to school each morning I'd say "Don't forget! God has a plan!" He seemed to like that and I sure as hell would rather have him believing in God than not. Same with Cameron. He believes there is a reason for everything and that there is a Higher Power. It's such a lonely scary feeling to think that there's no good reason for anything...for being here...for what we do..that we just live our crappy lives and then we die.....how bleak and empty! Get that tatt, girl! Seriously! There'd be a reason for it..ha!
    Love ya!!!!

    emoticon
    3607 days ago
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    I'm a nurse too. Critical care. I saw so many people die who wanted to live and deserved to while others destroyed themselves with alcohol and drugs. I guess we are not meant to have all the answers.
    3608 days ago
  • LP2278
    I'm not sure where you stand on matters of faith, but I am a Christian and truly believe that God has a higher purpose for everything that happens. We don't often get to see his purpose in the day to day happenings of our lives and those around us, but the Bible says all things work together for the good of those who love God. I believe that we go through trials to prepare us and grow us. I know it's hard to see a reason for your patients to be where they are, but God knows where each of them is and may be working through you or another caregiver to minister to them. Try not to get discouraged. Be a light and a smile to each one.
    3609 days ago
  • HEALTHY4ME
    I too work in long term care and know what you are speaking of. there is someone here on spark and I can't remember who that defends her position as the daughter that never visits.
    She said us caregivers don't know all the family dynamics and what happened with them as children. She said in her defence she cant be around her mum but did her best in getting her quality care and anything she needs for her comfort. She said she has had much councelling ect and it is in her best interest to not be around her mum, she gets high bp, increased heart rate, anxiety ect.
    I know she is only one, but after reading that and wondering about someof these old people and how grouchy they can be even with us I have learnt to take it as it is and give the ones that are grouchy and no family visiting a bit more of that TLC.
    now with my mum recently gone and my dad causing a lot of issues with me, ( only child) some understandably so I am really wondering if i want to make an inlaw suite in our basement for him. He has always insisted he wil NOT go to n. home but hey if there is no option then what. I have gotten flack from my dd if I chose not to care for him at his or my home. she is young and doesnt know what all it entails but I am actually tihnking I may not feel as guilty as I thought if have to place him at some time. Granted right now he is 84 and still alone in his apt.
    So praise to us all that do this biz. cos is hard on head and body, I am off for bad knees and previous off for bad back.
    But I do understand exactly what yu are saying and as a co worker in that field My hats off to you for all the TLC you give!!!
    HUGS now enjoy your wine
    3609 days ago
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