I know I keep getting on and off spark people but I still have that spark of hope and here I am.
The biggest lesson I have learned so far is, that I am in control of my ownself. I do not need to carry the weight on my shoulders anymore. Sometimes we feel so responsible for other people's feelings, problems, and their emotions. I am learning to detach myself from everything and everyone I encounter and realize I have this responsibility for myself. We cannot control the world but we can control ourselves. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but I guess that's the best way I can put it into words.
When I realized that for the first time, I feel less burden and the need to eat because I feel like I have detached myself from emotionally eating. It's a great feeling and I eat when I get hungry and my body signals for food. I also have motivation to exercise, but I'm human to and I get lazy, yet once my legs overcome the fatigue of starting my workout, I'm on the go again.
Life can throw darts at you, but its up to you to control yourself so you don't get hit by the darts. Everything else doesn't exist, you are the most important person out there.
Its time to stop hiding those emotions we crime ourself when we feel angry, sad, or happy;
instead acknowledge it and realize what is going on with us and let it out. It goes a long way, and it rids you of trying to over eat because of the emotions you have been hiding inside of you. It's okay to cry when your sad. I have been hiding my emotions within and continued pretending I was tough. That was hard.
I somehow got wrapped into helping everyone and making the world a better place. It controlled me and I hid my emotions from myself. I somehow lost myself in the process.
I felt rock bottom until I could find out what was wrong with my ownself. Have you ever felt that you lost that connection to your inner deep soul? I did.
I had to let go of it. I realized my wanting to help everyone maybe sabatoging their own lives to because they may not be able to take responsbility for their own problems that they need to solve, or the lessons god is giving them to act upon. I thought I was always right and had so much experience in life. I had a big heart and didn't want to see people hurt. The only person I realized was hurting was myself.
I'm glad I'm learning all this in my 30's, some people never realize. I hope some of you out there can relate. I wonder if many others have the same experiences. It's time to let go and put ourselves first to recover. I believe acknowlegement and forgiveness is the key. You cannot change until you acknowlege it. I do not want to get worn out anymore and I want to start living "my life". Honestly, I am filled with so much uttermost grattitude because of these changes I'm making. Slowly but surely.
I guess when you realize there is a need to change, a light opens for you and guides you on your path, like they say in the self-help books, it's a paradiam shift.
Let go and let god. He is with us, we just need to help ourselves and stop controlling the future and present. He is in control. We are not. Acceptance is the key.
That my dear friend, is my own break through that I have made. Glad to share my experience with you.
P.s. Cheers to a new life and a new celebration to living life. Go for the impossible.
I always wanted to write..maybe one day...as I build my courage and figure out what I want to write about. ;)
Here is my greeting cards instead.