Yesterday was crap.
Yesterday I ate a bunch of crap.
Yesterday I went to bed feeling like crap (most likely because of eating the crap).
Yesterday I was stressed over crap I can't control.
I was jazzed in the morning, but still tired from the week. Funny, I didn't work out this week nearly as much as I did last week, but for some reason I've been really tired. Probably stress...it's a killer! (Ever watch Anastasia?)
I sat around in the morning. I grabbed a bowl of Trix for breakfast because it was what I really wanted....I shouldn't have given in. Ironically, when our friends called us over for a pancake "breakfast" at noon, I was really good. I had 1 1/2 plain pancakes. No butter. No syrup. With fresh blueberries. I ate one small piece of sausage. And I had a small cup of 1% milk. But that was the only time I was "good" yesterday.
I left from their house and went to work. Worked much longer than I expected (about 5 hours working on my day off! WTF, dude?) and when we got back to town, the thought of heating up the stove (and, therein, heating up the trailer) just didn't suit me. I bought pizza because it was quick and cheap and easy...and then I proceeded to eat too much. Like 4 pieces!?!? (WTF is my problem?)
By 5:30pm I realized I hadn't even attempted a workout yet. I saw a storm coming in and Ethan and I attempted to dress quickly and get a short walk in before the rain hit. And we walked outside...and it hit. So I went back inside and told Ethan, "Maybe it will stop soon."
About a half hour later it didn't "stop" but it had slowed down to a very light drizzle. It was still hot and humid outside so I figured walking in the rain wouldn't hurt either of us. We walked, did a couple little "sprints" of jogging, and finally just decided to walk up to my MIL's house, where Hubs and Logan were already. The walk went fine. I felt fine. I had to stop twice to catch my breath up the hill to her house, but nothing major. (BTW - my abs are KILLING me! Could this be from the "jogging" I've done two times in the past week? I don't do much, just a little here and there when I feel I need a little challenge. It's not timed...just one of those "let's see if we can go to the mailbox right there." And I "jog" VERY slowly.)
After about a half hour there, Hubs drove us home. And all was well until I went to get out of the car and my knee went out. Bad. It hurt. I had to force it back in and it's been really sore ever since. Between the stress/frustration over the knee, stress over our money situation right now, stress over New York, stress over not finding the right suit for the right price yet, stress over time running out, stress over work and how much I hate doing so much work for less than most people here get paid....well, the rest of the night was horrible.
I ate some sugary cereal. I ate some chips and salsa. I ate another slice (or two?) of pizza. It was a BAD, BAD night. I stayed up late, even though I was exhausted and could've slept it off around 9pm, I was up until 11pm, because I really wanted to watch The Road with Hubs. When I did finally go to bed, I couldn't sleep. (Stress, again.) I got back up and cleaned the bedroom up, folded clothes, made some nice piles. (And still didn't find the 2 pairs of pants I was looking for! *GROWL*)
I don't tell you this for sympathy, but to be accountable. I ate like crap and feel like crap today. I'm sluggish and tired. I want to go back to bed. My stomach hurt like he11 last night. And I knew it was all my fault. I could've made the right decisions for myself and had a much better evening....I could be having a stellar Monday morning right now. But I chose the wrong path and it has led me here...where all I can think about is crawling back in bed, not eating a thing to make up for yesterday, drinking mass amounts of coffee just to stay awake, and feeling bloated and just plain gross. I caused this. And is it no wonder that I felt like crap for the past few years? Crap goes in = Feel like crap. It's a very simple equation.
So I'm fighting the aftershock of what was a bad Sunday. My knee hurts. My stomach hurts. But I'm still keeping track of what I eat. I'm still counting calories and planning on doing a VERY modified Zumba class tonight. I brought an umbrella so I can walk at lunch...very slowly. I will be slow today, yes...but I will move. I cannot stand still because standing still accomplishes nothing. My "brisk walk" scheduled for training today? Not going to happen...but I'll make up for it with a few short, easy walks.
Time to get my head and heart back in the game. Time to really remember what this is all about and who is going to benefit from it (not just me, but my boys and my husband, and any future job offer!). It's time to remember that "I will act now." It's time to remember that I am a warrior, that I want certain things in life than can only be achieved through forward motion.
Stomach in, shoulders back, chin up, eyes forward, and MOVE.