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What would you say to a friend...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Dear Friends:

This week I had a great disappointment, and I am having trouble shaking it off my mind.

I had a *friend* who turned out not to be a friend. I knew someone who posed as a friend, and sent me many affectionate messages with plenty of *hugs*, and then left me wondering why there were suddenly no more friendly messages. I cared enough to ask if I had inadvertently given offense and I offered to apologize for any possible offense, but I was reassured there was no problem between us. Home and work were in crisis, I was told, but would someday be back to normal, and our communications would resume -- or at least that was implied.

How would you feel when there was no communication between you and this friend over several months? I believed what I was told, and waited patiently for things to get back to normal (whatever that is), and I sent occasional friendly messages that went unanswered, until a few days ago, when I suddenly found out (by omission) that I had been removed as a friend.

As a caring person, what would you have done in this instance? If this happened to you, would you be disappointed? Would you be sad? Would you be mad? Would you want closure, or would you simply move on? Would you be able to just shrug it off and let it go? What would you tell your better self to do after an experience like that?
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  • TIGGER622
    That is really disheartening! I know I have grown so close to many sparkers and, understanding that we all get busy here and there, I dont know what I would do if they unfriended me... I guess if it were me, I would try and appreciate the connection for what it was, for what it taught me, not matter how short. I actually came across this quote this morning... "For one moment our lives met our souls touched." Oscar Wilde ... some friends weren't meant to be forever... You are a terrific person - I hope you can find some peace with this - I know it is hard to lose a friend :-(
    3805 days ago
    I had a "friend" situation some what similar. I found that the friend would "unfriend" me when it suited her, and then "friend" me again when she wanted to basically see what I was up to. I actually found that situation insulting as she had given me the silent treatment for quite some time...I finally "unfriended" her and actually feel relieved that she is not "snooping" into my life. That said, your situation is different in that you might be feeling hurt or confused at this person's choice to step away from the friendship. I think it's really hard when you don't know what happened cos it raises so many questions. But, I think the ball is in this person's court. Seems to me you've done all you can to find out what might be the cause of the change in the relationship and it may have nothing to do with you at all, but every thing to do with what ever is going on in this person's life. If you can let it go for now, you've got lots of other friends who relish your ongoing friendship!
    3807 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2112467
    I am so sorry you have had this happen. I know one thing - this person is missing out on a warm and caring person!

    It hurts, to wonder what happened. I kinda need closure on things too - I wonder why. I had someone "unfriend" me as well. We didn't interact alot, but I was still hurt to see I wasn't a friend anymore.

    I think there are two schools of thought here:

    One- Some folks think online isn't real, and it won't really hurt anyone. They turn out to be dishonest, etc. So they think you won't be hurt, and they just don't really care.

    Two- Some folks treasure those who they have met, respect those they friend, and are honest.

    You and I and many others are in the second school of thought.

    Just know that you do have "real" friends, and you are treasured!

    Perhaps something happened to this person, but it would have been great to have at least gotten a good bye!

    I had a friend leave SP and he never said a word - he was a co-leader of my team. He has done this before, and we let him come back. I think some folks don't think about the "friends" they leave behind. How geniune can someone be if they just "Pull out" ? You wonder how honest they are?

    We will never understand these things!

    3808 days ago
    I would have to agree with the others to just let it go. However, I hear you and I think it would bother me, too. I would want to know what happened but the reality is you probably will never have the opportunity to find out. Focus on the many friends who are able to support you. Hope you feel better!
    3808 days ago
  • PACKY62
    yes i agree if this is a online do not worry. i know that easier said than done. when i find someone here to talk to and help as much as my day permits. i guess we all look and long for those types of lasting friendships.
    today real friends are so hard to come by as most people get offended to easy. also we live in such a big world that we work more, travel more and so on.
    i never realy had long lasting friends growing up as i moved every year from one school to another with my mom from when i was 10 till i was 18 and went into the air force.
    i am truly sorry for you, your friend may be having a lot of issues and just wants to shut down, walk away till all is straight then come back hopping for your friendship back?
    3808 days ago
    I agree. If this is an online friend, I'd let it go. Who knows--maybe she (I'm assuming) really is going through family and work crises, and has unfriended EVERYBODY to close herself off. Besides, you have plenty of other friends here at Spark.
    3808 days ago
    Sounds like quite a predicament you're in.

    I had to remove a Sparkfriend a while back. He was always pushing at me and trying to make everything a contest. It was a tough decision to make, but I'm glad not to deal with it any longer.

    I hope that you can find a resolve for your problem that you feel comfortable with.
    3808 days ago
    If this is a Sparkfriend, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know that I have un-friended people here that no longer interact with me. I try to limit my friends to a number that I can interact with and keep up with. That friend may be doing the same thing and just didn't have the courage to tell you. Interact with the friends you have and don't worry about the one who "went away".
    3808 days ago
    Is this "friend" strictly an online "friend" or someone that you know in person? I get the impression that it's an online only friend.

    If that's the case, I would just say "eh - whatever". I have too much going on to mess with people who play the "friend/de-friend" game. So, I would figure that this person just saved me the time to figure out that they are (most likely) an assjack.

    Hopefully you will have a good day tomorrow. :)
    3808 days ago
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