I am SO embarrassed…
Sunday, May 09, 2010
You know how you suddenly know, suddenly, that your youth is gone and you are a hopeless geezer? Here's how I know.
I almost never go to Starbucks. I’m not a big fan of coffee, in general (I’m a tea drinker); I don’t drink caffeinated beverages anyway; I like weak, mild coffee (Starbucks is strong and bitter), and I’m a miser so I’m not paying that much for coffee. I go occasionally with a friend, maybe twice a year.
BUT, I do have a Starbucks card and a Starbucks account for that occasional visit, and Starbucks was nice enough to send me a postcard good for a free drink of any kind to celebrate my upcoming birthday. So I did some research and discovered I could have a light mocha Frappucino for about 150 calories and thought I’d go for it. I didn’t really know what a Frappucino was but it sounded good.
So yesterday I dropped the girls off at gymnastics, dropped off the dry cleaning, and stopped at Starbucks for my free drink. I stood on line, bewildered (as always) at how many people can’t start their day without a big honking expensive trademarked caffeinated beverage, and tried to inconspicuously listen in on all the crazy complicated things they were ordering. I practiced my order in my head so I didn’t sound like I didn’t belong there. There was definitely a system there – everyone looked like they knew what to do except me – and I felt like an outsider. When it was my turn I placed my order, the guy rang it up, and then he just stared and stared at the postcard. I directed him to the side where it promised the free drink, but he just said “oh, I was reading what you wrote”. I told him I had researched the nutrition information on the beverages (and written it all down – you’d need a microfiche reader to understand it) and he laughed, and then enthusiastically wished me a happy birthday.
I needed a quick potty break but ran back out and hoped I hadn’t broken the flow of the customers picking up their orders…no, everything *looked* okay, no one was staring at me…so far so good.
An order was called and the person who had been on line ahead of me went up and picked up her drink. OK, I waited…and waited…and then they called out *something* (I’m really not sure what), a drink was placed up, and no one moved…so I went up, saw a band on the cup that said “Frappucino”, took it and was surprised it was a hot drink, but what the heck. I tasted it…and got a second surprise that it wasn’t sweet. Okay…went and put a Splenda in it, stirred it, recapped it, and went out to my car.
I’d driven maybe two blocks away, on my way to the grocery store, when I decide the coffee isn’t too (temperature) hot and I can take that band off it. At the light I do that, and read it. It says Frappucino but it’s NOT a label, it’s and ad…for a Frappucino…which it clearly states is “Ice Cold”.
Suddenly it hits me…the drink I’m drinking…it is NOT a Frappucino. It’s probably a latte. Without sugar. Maybe with whole milk. It’s not my Frappucino. It’s someone ELSE’S drink. Who knows whose? Not. Mine.
I am MORTIFIED. At some point after I left Starbucks, apparently, a Frappucino was put up on the order table. No one claims it. It sits there. A minute or two later someone asks about their latte. The one they ordered quite a while ago. Which hasn’t appeared. I wonder how long it takes everyone to figure out that some doofus (me) grabbed the wrong drink…a hot drink when it should have been a cold one, of all things!...what idiot can’t even do a simple thing like order a coffee, wait until it’s made, and then get it??? Who, in this day and age, can’t recognize their own Starbucks order? Who, in this day and age, can't figure out how to negotiate her way through a Starbucks? Who, in short, was that GEEZER???
I am so embarrassed I don’t even go back…I mean, what could I do? The Frappucino has melted, probably, the other person given her/his re-made drink…I suppose I should have at least offered to pay for the drink, but I don’t think about this until later. At the time all I’m thinking is THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHO THE IDIOT IS BECAUSE THE POSTCARD HAS MY NAME AND ADDRESS ON IT.
I realize about halfway through the drink that it is most likely caffeinated, and spend the next two hours jittery and anxious either in anticipation of or because of the caffeine.
It will take me a while before I gather the courage to go to Starbucks again.