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I am SO embarrassed…

Sunday, May 09, 2010

You know how you suddenly know, suddenly, that your youth is gone and you are a hopeless geezer? Here's how I know.

I almost never go to Starbucks. I’m not a big fan of coffee, in general (I’m a tea drinker); I don’t drink caffeinated beverages anyway; I like weak, mild coffee (Starbucks is strong and bitter), and I’m a miser so I’m not paying that much for coffee. I go occasionally with a friend, maybe twice a year.

BUT, I do have a Starbucks card and a Starbucks account for that occasional visit, and Starbucks was nice enough to send me a postcard good for a free drink of any kind to celebrate my upcoming birthday. So I did some research and discovered I could have a light mocha Frappucino for about 150 calories and thought I’d go for it. I didn’t really know what a Frappucino was but it sounded good.

So yesterday I dropped the girls off at gymnastics, dropped off the dry cleaning, and stopped at Starbucks for my free drink. I stood on line, bewildered (as always) at how many people can’t start their day without a big honking expensive trademarked caffeinated beverage, and tried to inconspicuously listen in on all the crazy complicated things they were ordering. I practiced my order in my head so I didn’t sound like I didn’t belong there. There was definitely a system there – everyone looked like they knew what to do except me – and I felt like an outsider. When it was my turn I placed my order, the guy rang it up, and then he just stared and stared at the postcard. I directed him to the side where it promised the free drink, but he just said “oh, I was reading what you wrote”. I told him I had researched the nutrition information on the beverages (and written it all down – you’d need a microfiche reader to understand it) and he laughed, and then enthusiastically wished me a happy birthday.

I needed a quick potty break but ran back out and hoped I hadn’t broken the flow of the customers picking up their orders…no, everything *looked* okay, no one was staring at me…so far so good.

An order was called and the person who had been on line ahead of me went up and picked up her drink. OK, I waited…and waited…and then they called out *something* (I’m really not sure what), a drink was placed up, and no one moved…so I went up, saw a band on the cup that said “Frappucino”, took it and was surprised it was a hot drink, but what the heck. I tasted it…and got a second surprise that it wasn’t sweet. Okay…went and put a Splenda in it, stirred it, recapped it, and went out to my car.

I’d driven maybe two blocks away, on my way to the grocery store, when I decide the coffee isn’t too (temperature) hot and I can take that band off it. At the light I do that, and read it. It says Frappucino but it’s NOT a label, it’s and ad…for a Frappucino…which it clearly states is “Ice Cold”.

Suddenly it hits me…the drink I’m drinking…it is NOT a Frappucino. It’s probably a latte. Without sugar. Maybe with whole milk. It’s not my Frappucino. It’s someone ELSE’S drink. Who knows whose? Not. Mine.

I am MORTIFIED. At some point after I left Starbucks, apparently, a Frappucino was put up on the order table. No one claims it. It sits there. A minute or two later someone asks about their latte. The one they ordered quite a while ago. Which hasn’t appeared. I wonder how long it takes everyone to figure out that some doofus (me) grabbed the wrong drink…a hot drink when it should have been a cold one, of all things!...what idiot can’t even do a simple thing like order a coffee, wait until it’s made, and then get it??? Who, in this day and age, can’t recognize their own Starbucks order? Who, in this day and age, can't figure out how to negotiate her way through a Starbucks? Who, in short, was that GEEZER???

I am so embarrassed I don’t even go back…I mean, what could I do? The Frappucino has melted, probably, the other person given her/his re-made drink…I suppose I should have at least offered to pay for the drink, but I don’t think about this until later. At the time all I’m thinking is THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHO THE IDIOT IS BECAUSE THE POSTCARD HAS MY NAME AND ADDRESS ON IT.

I realize about halfway through the drink that it is most likely caffeinated, and spend the next two hours jittery and anxious either in anticipation of or because of the caffeine.

It will take me a while before I gather the courage to go to Starbucks again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • OZXIA1
    Love your story here! Things/trends seem to change so quickly...sometimes you forget until you wander into the "wilderness" - which is definitely an area of Starbucks!

    I used to drink the evil concoctions a few times a week...but when the economy started shrinking (and my waistline started expanding) - I gave up the treats. Admittedly, I never did the super fancy ordering (usually picked something straight off the board)...but I learned firsthand just how complicated some people's orders get. At the rest stop during our lengthy travel to another state, my younger sister hurried off into the ladies', but left me with her order for Starbucks....little did I know I was going to have to say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I need a skinny vanilla latte - hold the whip - cooled with ice - make sure it's created using only milk taken from a dancing blue cow milked at seven minutes past midnight..."

    I think I may have misunderstood the last thing she said...

    Anyways....don't feel like a geezer...sometimes it's better to be unaware of these types of things - think of all the potential pounds you've avoided simply by not knowing it! Hope you had a grand mother's day - and thanks for the giggle!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3858 days ago
    Happy Birthday! Loved your story and you are not a geezer!
    3859 days ago
    I have to laugh. This sounds like something I'd do. You're not really a geezer. You're just a mom that is so busy you have no time to keep up with the trends. emoticon
    3859 days ago
    Love the story! emoticon
    3859 days ago
    Oh, now I'm so glad I blogged about this...I am not along. Thanks for the support...I'm REALLY laughing now!
    3859 days ago
  • no profile photo CJAC24
    I loved how you told this story. It was too funny. I remember the first time I went to Starbucks I ordered something and then just stood there expecting them to give me what I just asked for. The cashier is staring at me and I'm still waiting for my drink...the customer behind me then says..."Are you gonna pay?" I was sooo embarrassed cause I didn't know I had to wait for my drink after I paid....derr. And I was like 22 so don't sweat it. Ugh, I agree it is way over-rated. But hey, the Frappacino is really good, you should definitely try one!
    3859 days ago
    First of all- Happy Birthday! It's my birthday this month too but I didn't get a card for a free drink- I'm getting free underpants from Victoria's Secret- so I can't be a geezer emoticon

    I would have to bet that you are NOT the first person to take the wrong drink at a Starbucks. I'm thinking it probably happens all the time- no worries. I think too that they probably are not ready to toilet paper your house because they have your address emoticon

    When we turned 40 we got permission to do whatever we want without worrying who is looking my friend. So return to Starbucks whenever you wish.
    3859 days ago

    This is TOO funny. If it makes you feel better, I've NEVER been to a Starbucks. I have no idea what the difference could be between a Latte and a Frappucino. I don't drink coffee. I too am a tea drinker. It has to be fresh brewed because I hate instant hot and iced tea.
    3859 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6770550
    Wow! Honey you took that way further than it needed to go. You need to just relax. Don't be so hard on yourself. It was just a simple mix up. To tell you the truth I've never even been in a Starbucks before. I'd rather just go to Tim Hortons for coffee. I understand the embarrasment, but it's just coffee. Starbucks is such a busy place I'm sure no one even noticed the mix up. Happy Mothers Day sweetie.

    I'd also like to add that you're NOT a geezer.
    3859 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/9/2010 4:23:39 PM
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