Stuck in solitary...
Saturday, March 06, 2010
So here are a few ramblings...thoughts that have come to me tonight as I set at work...not my usual position next to the huge window with wonderful sunlight coming through (sometimes...this is Northern Michigan). This office is tiny...and with only one little window in the door. Im here by myself in this closet with nothing really to do but wait for the phone to ring or the printer to spit off something to do... Anyway... these are my thoughts of the night...
1) What do I REALLY want my goal weight to be??? I am 5'9 so realistically weight hangs a little better on me than someone shorter but still... So a "Healthy" weight according to BMI 19-24.9 is 129lbs-169lbs for me. I have been 170 as an adult, prior to having my baby. I had alot of family, however, tell me that I looked sick at that weight. Was it because I really looked that skinny? (I wore a size 8 so seriously?!?) Or was it simply because they had never saw me that size before???
~So this takes me back to what do I want my goal weight to be??? I originally said 170...my prebaby weight Then I set it to 165, (I would be in the healthy range). So while doing some research tonight (very slow office) I discovered to be snuggly in the "healthy" BMI range of 22 I would need to weigh 150.
~~~ Definately food for thought...still not sure what Im going to do ~~~
2) I have not yet decided my fate nor my relationship with my scales. I try not to live by them nor let them dictated how my day will go but like a magnet they draw me to them everyday. I do my best to resist yet day after day I find myself standing on them. I keep telling myself..."only on Thursdays!!! I mean it this time!!!" And even if I see a loss on any given day I still get mad that I didn't wait.
~HOWEVER~ the scales are also one of my bigger motivators!!! It shows me that what I am doing is working and pushes me to work as hard or harder the next day!
~~~Still undecided true outcome of relationship with scales~~~
3) I AM doing the 5k on May 1st. Yes I have had several set backs since begining to train for this...1) diagnosis of asthmas 1 week setback *couldnt breath* ...2) foot injury 2 week set back *hopefully can start training again Tuesday! But so what??? I had a couple set backs!!! I have continued to work out this whole time according to what my body allowed. So what if in the end it is a run/walk....yes it is technically a race but SO WHAT???? It is a major accomplishment that I want to say..."Hey...I DID THAT~!" I want to prove to myself that I can do that....and more!!!
4) I REALLY don't like setting still!!! hahahaha It is driving me nuts just setting here in this stupid little office. I have taken my break and went and walked a mile, Im doing Strenght training that doest require me to get on the floor (at a hospital...yuck) or weights...dont have them and I forgot my resistance band. It may not be much but it is proof that I have changed. I need to move...I WANT to move.
5) So I went to my March Goals blog so that I could print it and hang it in my bedroom and workout room at home so that I can see it on a daily basis and keep me going...what I discovered was kinda disturbing to me... I kept saying that tomorrow was my last day smoking...Monday is my first official day smoke free...Im breaking the rest of my pack tomorrow night and throwing them away...
~~WELL...when I looked at my list...TODAY is my last day!!! WHAT?!?!? Although the medicine is really working and I don't have the "craving" for one anymore and Im down to like 2 a day...my anxiety is HIGH tonight. But for once in my life I am sticking to my goals!!! I could have just gone in and edited my goals blog to have the date say the 8th instead of the 7th but NO!!! I have only smoked 2 cigarettes today and it is 9:36pm. I took one out of the pack for the ride home and have already given the pack away. (realistically I am frugle/cheap beyond amazement!!! I would rather know that someone smoked them then the pack be wasted!...dont ask) So last hurrah with a cig on the way home...IF I smoke it. And Im done.
Ok, so now that I have written a book...I'll let you all get back to your normal lives...Just wanted to share some thoughts, pass some time and ignore how small this room really is...driving me nuts actually...think I'll go take another walk.