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IMOFF2DLOONYBIN

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Done, I give, The towel has been tossed, the white flag is waving.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Gives. I give. This is it world, I bow down before you crushed and done and I just give. I still haven't gotten back in my Chem class (in case I didn't mention this I got removed from my Chem class because enrolling me was a "mistake, past enrollment limits".) My dad "tried" to commit suicide tonight. I'm not sure if it was a serious attempt or not since he called a friend and then called my mom to tell her where the keys to the truck were. Then he hit my mother. SO most of the sympathy and compassion I have for him has kind of disappeared. I know he had a stroke and so his brain isn't working right, his mom died, and he's been depressed, but really? Really? SO anyways I'm stressed and tired and something new and bad has happened every day for the past week. Literally a week. I was called a week ago to go to the hospital for my grandma. I think I'm about ready to just call it a year and climb in my bed and wait for 2011. Also, with all this stress I succumbed to food. Went to McDonalds, bought Mint Oreos that I haven't opened yet, but will. And you know what, I don't care! I don't. If food will make me feel even remotely better right now then I'll take it, it's better than the alternative fix. I know food isn't going to fix everything and I know the weight gain won't be nice, but right now I need something and food is something.
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  • KIYOSHI04
    im sorry you are going through all of this. seems like a lot all at once. i hope writing has helped a little.

    when it comes down to it, you cant do anything to change what happen. it sucks and will probably ruminate in your mind. i hope that you can push past it.
    3955 days ago
  • TILLERY2
    emoticon I just wanted to stop by and tell you I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother and the time you're having. You'll be in my thoughts.
    3955 days ago
  • SHERWOODCYCLER
    IMOFF- When life sucks, it can be really, really bad. I don't know if you are able to stop and take a deep cleansing breath, but it seems like you need to take care of yourself....whatever that takes.

    The Oreo mint isn't something that will help you take care of yourself. I suspect you need a big virtual hug from us Sparkers and someone you know and trust to talk to.

    My thoughts are with you.
    3955 days ago
  • MNNICE
    You are facing tremendous stress. I think just about every college offers free counseling services to students, and you should take advantage of it right away. You can't fix your grandma, dad, mom, brother -- you can only fix yourself and sometimes we need help with that. Please check into the college counselor - he/she will be able to help you get through all of this and give you guidance on where else you can get help with finances, books, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for help - it's what they are there for.
    3955 days ago
  • FLYINGBUNNY
    I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don't know what to say to comfort you, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and saying prayers for you. If I can offer just one thing...try not to eat the Oreos...or just have 1 serving. I know food is a comfort, but it is a fleeting comfort that will disappoint you in the long run. In the mean time here is "hug".

    Denny Marie
    3955 days ago
  • ROSEWAL
    Amber, I am so heartbroken for you! My sister committed suicide 6 years ago and it was absolute hell. I know that this is hard for you, I do not condone what your father did, he should not hit your mother, but he lost his mom. He is in a lot of pain and confused because of the stroke. I am sure that he cannot communicate the way he wants to. He needs to get some help and he needs his family. Your mother does too. Do you have someone at school that you could go to and talk? That would be really good for you, but so is this. You are getting it out there and that is a good thing! Can you take you chem class next semester? Like THEXWOMANN said earlier, everything happens for a reason. Love yourself right now, let yourself feel the pain, but don't try to make it go away with food, that will only add to the problems. I just want to reach through the computer and hug you!
    3955 days ago
  • NANC304
    I'm sorry you're going thorugh so much. I know that sometimes life gives you more than you think you can handle, but you're strong. You can get through this. I'll be thinking of you.
    3956 days ago
  • MRSSASS2010
    I just wanted to offer my support and send some hugs your way. What a week. I'm so sorry for everything you and your family has been going through. Whether you eat the Oreos or not, keep coming back to us here on SP. We are here to support you and wish you nothing but happiness.

    Chin up girl. It will get better!

    emoticon
    --Krista
    3956 days ago
  • IMOFF2DLOONYBIN
    After the week I've had I'm tired and done for now. I don't have time to just lay back and relax for very long and meditating hasn't helped. Walking is out of the question because it's freaking cold and that always gives me earaches. I'm just tired. Monday- grandma went into hospital, kidneys shut down. Tuesday - Grandma dies. Wednesday - Find out I have absolutely NO money in my account which means going to school is really hard since I commute, and I need books, and I need parking permit, and I need an ID, which are usually free but because I did concurrent enrollment in high school (2 years ago) I already show up with an ID and can't get a free one. Thursday - Woke up early to go to Aunts to be with family, go urn shopping, watch my grandfather fall apart which I've never seen, witness my dad being an asshole to mother. Friday - Funeral, huge family fight. Saturday - Mail comes in, I've been dropped from the ONE class I need, the ONE class that made em decide to go ahead and transfer schools. Sunday - Found out my first test is next Monday, couldn't get my stuff for class printed, my brother (31y/o) made my mom cry. Monday(today) - Still can't get in Chem class, Father tried to kill himself/hits mother, and who knows what else may happen in the next 11 minutes before it turns midnight.
    3956 days ago
  • THEZWOMANN
    Hi Amber,

    Hopefully, you read my message before you downed too many oreos (those things are addictive...but they are also ridiculously high in sodium, so be careful). It's really hard when our parents do things or behave in ways we do not understand or wish to understand. Right now, the focus just has to be on helping your mom work through everything and making decisions about her life. Maybe, just maybe, this is why you're not in the chemistry class this semester. Maybe you're needed at home (or your time is needed if you live far away). I don't know...it's just a thought. It does seem like everything happens for a reason, and maybe you just need to focus on something else right now other than chemistry. I will say a special prayer for your family tonight...that you make it through this. You will. Save the oreos for tomorrow...when you can look at them more objectively. HANG IN THERE!!!
    emoticon

    Laura
    3956 days ago
  • IMOFF2DLOONYBIN
    I usually don't eat that many, Btu here lately I haven't gotten them at all because I know they are bad for me.
    3956 days ago
  • KMILLER990
    I completely understand how you feel. You've had a really, really tough week. You know the food won't make you feel better and you'll just feel worse later, but you don't know what WILL make you feel better. Throw away the Oreos and go for a walk or meditate. My 2010 was a year to forget and this year (that I was hoping would start off better) isn't looking so great either - no job and no prospects in sight, sick husband (repetitive strokes since 1991), friend having serious (probably cancer) surgery... I could go on. But two days a week I volunteer at a VA hospital and see people who are worse off. AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE WORSE OFF! It's okay to have a short "pity party", but then you have to change what you can and figure out how to let the rest be.

    Thinking of you.
    3956 days ago
  • THEZWOMANN
    Wait!!!! I just want to give you a big hug. You're going through a lot right now. Wow. Just take a deep breath. I wish I could make it all go away, but I can't. However, I can encourage you not to eat the box of oreos. Could you limit yourself to ONE serving size? I will write more...but just wanted to get this out there before you self-sabotage.
    3956 days ago
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