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Changing Times and a HUGE Realization.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I've been on sparkpeople for 2 years this week. And I don't feel like I have much to show for it. I haven't put any real effort into it. I get bummed when I don't lose and when I over eat.

I'm a food sneaker. I never realized that was what I was really doing. When I eat fast food, and I'm not with Nick, I pull up to the apartment and throw the trash in the dumpster so he won't know I ate it. It's the same with my mom. If I eat fast food in my car on the way to her house I'll get out of the car and brush off and stand for a bit to make the smell go away. Wow... This is like a huge wow moment for me. I hadn't really realized this until I wrote it down.

I think I know a few reasons I've been doing it in these situations. The stuff with Nick started as me feeling bad for getting fast food when we are so low on money, but then it turned to feelings of guilt linked to the food. The other thing is when I've had fast food and don't tell him and he then wants to eat, I'll eat another meal! This is horrible.

With my mom it comes from the fact that when I have fast food she gives me the disapproving stare and tells me it's bad for me. Like I don't know that! Which then just makes me feel ashamed of myself and makes the cycle worse. I can't believe I've been doing this. I have to stop feeling guilty for eating. Yes, fast food isn't the best choice, but it isn't the end of the world. I'm going to have a talk with Nick now and come clean. I don't want to keep doing this.

I've finally realized that just because I eat something horrible doesn't mean I should quit or not log it. I feel guilty for eating something bad and I don't want to log it and let people see. This time around I think is different. I've logged my bad food choices. I put the McDonalds and the Sonic I had on my food log! Wow maybe this is a change...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It helped me alot when I realized that I wasn't the only one who did this. Yes, I would sneak food, too, and still do sometimes. Not until SP did I realize how many people do this -- I am not alone and it doesn't do any good to sneak it because since so many others do it, it's not a secret anymore -- we all KNOW that we do it! Now that you've admitted it to yourself and to Nick, you can leave the guilt behind and start making progress!!!!! We are all here for you and we've all been through it! I wish I had found SP at your age instead of waiting until I was 50 to finally take care of myself. Your life will be so much better -- YOU GO GIRL!!!!
    3963 days ago
    I'm glad you are coming clean =) It is hard to but not only will it make you feel better, it will help your support grow because once Nick is aware of what you've been doing he can help keep you accountable. You know whenever you get those cravings you can always text me. You can also always tell me anything, I won't repeat it to anyone. I ate sonic yesterday too. I didn't plan for it but I didn't go crazy with it.

    Once you start to eat healthier and keep those food regularly in your body and work out regularly, your body will start craving the healthy stuff more often than not. I thought that was a crazy statement the first time I heard it but after I stuck with it my body did start craving the healthy stuff. Fruits and veggies especially. When you first start, yeah it sucks, it sucks big time but if you can make it just a week on the healthy stuff alone you'll see a big change. I can't eat fast food anymore, the grease in it makes me sick. Lol even though I was craving that sonic yesterday I paid for it dearly later. So I also try to remember that the bad food makes me sick when I have those cravings.

    Getting over the first hump is the hardest... but I know you've heard that before... you really have to see it for yourself first hand! So keep trying and don't give up! I know you can do it!

    3964 days ago
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