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Three Ninety Six, Baby!!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Now look. I'm not under any kind of influence of any kind of drug here. I'm not delusional. I have a long long long way to go.

Let me explain how I weigh myself, so you understand what this feels like. But first, let me tell you a story of how I weighed myself once. And I'm pretty sure that this was my all time heaviest, so it sorta makes sense. You see, if you are as big as I am, you don't just go to wal-mart and get a bathroom scale. Doesn't work. And the scales at the gym? Same story. Not enough capacity. So...what't a real honest to God Man's Man to do...simple. Hit the truck scale.

So here is what I did...because I couldn't stand not to know. I found a truck scale. Asked them to weigh my pickup and I stayed in it. Then I faked like something was wrong and got out and had the nice lady at the scale to weigh it again. And then I did the math. 454 pounds. It's nearly impossible for me to type that number.

Today, it's a little easier. As much as I don't always love Kaiser Permanente , they have really nice scales. All digital and stuff. And they can handle my lard ass. So...what I do is I go to my closest Kaiser facility and head to where I usually see the doctor and the nice lady who runs the front counter buzzes me in the door. She recognizes me now. And I, all by my ownself, go get on the scale. As I leave, I wave to my friend, tell her I will see her soon and off I go.

Today...the scale said 396. I'm so super stoked. Seriously, I have fought for every pound. And to boot, I'm sure that every year at thanksgiving, I easily gained 10 pounds. Conservatively.

So for me, a loser of what I can count to be around 500 pounds or more over my life (and a gainer of the same)....I wanna take off my clothes and run around and celebrate. But that's more of that Titanic Deck Chair Stacking Program that I don't want to part of.

Look...I'm doing it. Biggest Loser isn't calling me. I need to keep working. I need to keep changing the things in my life that don't require "time at the ranch". And the hard stuff is just coming.

Hear me. 396. It's a huge thing to be under 400. But hear me....I need more. More Cowbell. But that's not all......as the picture says....One Does Not Simply Cowbell His Way Into Mordor.

THREE NINETY SIX, BABY!! Cowbell this!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD5116448
    Poke. Where have you been? Stacking chairs doesn't take that long. Did a wave wash you away? I can see you now, hanging on to a life raft in frigid water while 6 gill sharks nibble your frozen toes. Hopefully, you have been so busy getting healthy that you haven't had time for SP. If not, I hope you come back. I stumbled across your page reading some else's page, and I can relate. I'm fat, too. "Morbidly Obese" as the Dr says. Basically, so fat it's gonna kill me fat. Also afflicted with diarrhea of the mouth and a left field sense of humor. So don't stop trying. We need more cowbell.
    3853 days ago
    Way to go!! I see this post was about a month ago...so I am hoping maybe you have gone to see the KP lady again...and maybe you have more reason to celebrate!! And if not...well...every moment is a new one, so I am sure you can find the cowbell moment again!! You need to get some blogging in...cuz I was really entertained by them!! And I could certainly use more entertainment to get me through this fat thing....less calories than food!! ;) Congrats!

    4185 days ago
    Congrats! You're doing an amazing job!
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    4209 days ago
    What great news! I'm so glad I stopped by to check on your progress. You rock! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4215 days ago
    WOOO HOOO!!!!! and you dont need to explain cowbell to this charter member of the SNL club!!!
    You ROCK!!! TOTALLY, completely ROCK!!! I am SO proud of you!!!
    again!! WOOOO HOOOOO!!!
    and when you hear that cowbell ringing...look for me willya???
    4216 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I was recently thinking how I hadn't heard from you in awhile... and lo and behold, its because you are melting those pounds away!! WAY to GO!

    Can hardly wait for the next blog...
    4217 days ago
    OK....I'm only going to explain this cowbell thing once.

    There is a famous Saturday Night Live skit with Christopher Walken, where he plays a big music producer working with Blue Oyster Cult. Will Ferrel has a big cowbell and he annoys the rest of the band with the Cowbell. But Walken keeps insisting on More Cowbell. The big quote is...I've Got a Fever and the Only Prescription is More Cowbell.

    So the joke is...and you get extra credit for saying things like...

    I love the salad, but it needs more cowbell.
    That paintjob needs a bit more Cowbell.

    Got it? Google this if you want to know more. It's a seriously funny skit.

    4217 days ago
    is this a midwest thing?? i am not understanding the cowbell reference.. (new yorker) but i get the PURE pride and absolute thrill that you have achieved this success. rock on!! the pic of the naked guy is going to stay burned in my psyche for a little while.. totally makes the point!! love it.. all the best--jen
    4217 days ago
    How COOL IS THAT!!!!! Congrats Congrats!

    Your comment, "Biggest Loser isn't calling me". All I can say is Thank the GODS Biggest Loser isn't calling you!!! Every week I watch the show thinking to myself...people, 2, 3 or 4 lbs a week is healthy, what your putting these contestants through CAN NOT BE HEALTHY! But, then I remind myself...they are producers...not people! emoticon

    I'll be sitting here waiting to read your 386 blog, and your 376 blog...and and and....

    WAY COOL!!!!
    (I used to sneek out to the warehouse and weigh myself on the industrial scale when the guys were busy)
    4217 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/2/2009 5:14:54 PM
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    Congrats and cowbells to boot! Awesome job!!!! And this season is different!
    4217 days ago
    I am so proud of you. Keep plugging along and keep on holding yourself accountable - you are doing a wonderful turn-around in your life and we are all behind you! WHOO HOO!

    NG (cow bells going nuts!)
    4217 days ago
  • RASTUS55
    AWESOME!!! Keep up the great job!!!
    4217 days ago
    Quite the milestone. Keep it up!
    4218 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Congrats! You are well on your way. Keep up the good work!
    4218 days ago
    Excellent! Those benchmark milestones are fantatic for motivation to keep it up.

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    4218 days ago
    You are awesome! I know how proud you feel and I am so proud and happy for you!! Woo!Hoo! Keep it up and you will be dancing around naked in no time!!
    4218 days ago
    HERE'S YOUR COWBELL! HERE'S YOUR COWBELL! You deserve it! As someone who's run a few races I understand the importance of cowbell. And A LOT is a good thing! Those cowbell moments get you through the times when there's NO cowbell. So, I've got a whole chorus of cowbell for you! Woo! Hoo!

    That must have been a great feeling, to walk out of there knowing you were under 400 and you worked for every bit of it. And you didn't have to go to a truck scale, you could do it in a way that many people take for granted - in privacy. Cool! HERE'S YOUR COWBELL! HERE'S YOUR COWBELL!

    Hold onto to that cowbell because there are going to be so many dance-naked moments along the way. And you'll see that many of them have zero to do with the scale. They have to do with you. HERE'S YOUR COWBELL! HERE'S YOUR COWBELL!

    Congrats on your progress and I look forward to breaking out my cowbell for you many, many times to come!

    4218 days ago
    Great job and great story!
    4218 days ago
  • JKSTEIN123
    I think your very ingenious to come up with that idea! I never would have thought of it. I see the vet clinics get people too! I have seen where people buy 2 scales and use them and add the numbers together. What ever it takes to get the job done. emoticon

    It makes for a good story on you journey to good health. I think you are awesome for taking control of your life and having some fun on your travel down the road. emoticon
    4218 days ago
    You are on an inspiring journey! I followed a friend here to your blog and am blown away. Congrats on making a great start and best wishes for continued success!

    One day at a time. It's not easy. But you're worth it!

    4218 days ago
    I weighed at the local Vet until I was down under 150 kilo's there I was lined up with the dogs, what ever it takes keep on keeping on emoticon
    4218 days ago
  • ATR_1983
    Congrats. I am so happy for you. You are doing great. Keep up the good work.
    4218 days ago
    I just LOVE the story about weighing at the truck scale... and it made me remember once when I was at the animal hospital with a dog (afghan hound) and they weighed by asking the owner to carry the dog on a scale and then withdraw the owners weight... humiliating and I was not brave enough to refuse.

    Congratulations to your achievement, I aend you strength and courage!
    4218 days ago
    Great Job!! You are on the right track, keep it up

    4218 days ago
  • ADAM_2019
    Keep up the hard work brother.

    One day at a time...
    4218 days ago
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