Now look. I'm not under any kind of influence of any kind of drug here. I'm not delusional. I have a long long long way to go.
Let me explain how I weigh myself, so you understand what this feels like. But first, let me tell you a story of how I weighed myself once. And I'm pretty sure that this was my all time heaviest, so it sorta makes sense. You see, if you are as big as I am, you don't just go to wal-mart and get a bathroom scale. Doesn't work. And the scales at the gym? Same story. Not enough capacity. So...what't a real honest to God Man's Man to do...simple. Hit the truck scale.
So here is what I did...because I couldn't stand not to know. I found a truck scale. Asked them to weigh my pickup and I stayed in it. Then I faked like something was wrong and got out and had the nice lady at the scale to weigh it again. And then I did the math. 454 pounds. It's nearly impossible for me to type that number.
Today, it's a little easier. As much as I don't always love Kaiser Permanente , they have really nice scales. All digital and stuff. And they can handle my lard ass. So...what I do is I go to my closest Kaiser facility and head to where I usually see the doctor and the nice lady who runs the front counter buzzes me in the door. She recognizes me now. And I, all by my ownself, go get on the scale. As I leave, I wave to my friend, tell her I will see her soon and off I go.
Today...the scale said 396. I'm so super stoked. Seriously, I have fought for every pound. And to boot, I'm sure that every year at thanksgiving, I easily gained 10 pounds. Conservatively.
So for me, a loser of what I can count to be around 500 pounds or more over my life (and a gainer of the same)....I wanna take off my clothes and run around and celebrate. But that's more of that Titanic Deck Chair Stacking Program that I don't want to part of.
Look...I'm doing it. Biggest Loser isn't calling me. I need to keep working. I need to keep changing the things in my life that don't require "time at the ranch". And the hard stuff is just coming.
Hear me. 396. It's a huge thing to be under 400. But hear me....I need more. More Cowbell. But that's not all......as the picture says....One Does Not Simply Cowbell His Way Into Mordor.
THREE NINETY SIX, BABY!! Cowbell this!!