None of that 'Sis'-sy Stuff - Strong Friendship Advice!

Emailed from a friend who, I know, would likely do anything listed here!

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Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of True Friendship.
You WON'T see cutesy little smiley faces on this note; just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you're scared, we will high tail it out of here.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have...
8. When you fall, I'll pick you up and dust you off -- After I laugh my rear off!!
9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end.

'Why?,' you may ask; because you are my FRIEND!
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Friendship is like peeing your pants; everyone can see it, but only YOU can feel the true warmth.