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You Should Have One Just Like Him

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

This is Thomas. Not Tom. Not Tommy...although I call him that because it's like some kind of wannabe mobster thing, you know..Hey, Tommy! But as always, I digress.

I ported my Blogs over to Facebook and Thomas, like many others, saw them and realized something was very wrong. He was the first call and he asked...no..he demanded that I call back and that we get in touch. I avoided him. I didn't feel like having a hands free cell phone conversation with him over my pathetic life.

You know...some phone things just shouldn't happen. Bluetooth or no.

Let me tell you about Thomas. I was in my office one day and a young college student called me. Found me on the Web or something and had all kinds of questions. Later, I ran into him at the location of his college internship. After that, someone had hired him at a place I was doing some consulting. Then another more high profile job and then another. Thomas, you see, is a rockstar. He doesn't want to hear that, but in my world and in my book, he's an ace, first call, honest to Freebird, rockstar. I've been blessed to watch him grow and now and then he's used the word Mentor for me and it makes me as uncomfortable as a banana at a monkey movie night. And the truth is, if he and I were applying for a job, he would win. He can call me any damn thing he wants, but that's the truth.

Besides all this professional stuff, Thomas is a world class adventure racer. Just think EcoPrimalQuest. Just think 10 days of not sleeping and doing the rugged stuff of hiking, biking, ropes, kayaking and not getting lost. That's fun for Thomas. He's that kind of guy and I've watched him grow into the athlete extreme.

Today Thomas and I met at his work, just outside San Francisco. He greeted me with a bold handshake and then a warm and deliberate hug. I have to say that I didn't want to come and meet with Thomas. He's overwhelming. And I was all prepared for a big lecture into what I should be doing. It's like me hitting golf balls next to Jack Nicklaus. I'm out of my league when it comes to doing the right thing. He's the Elvis of that.

Instead I was met with a man who showed me his kind and compassionate heart. Yet he was tough and in that toughness, there was love too. He loved on me with his words and with his heart, I saw that it wasn't about getting me to do things. It was about helping me do the right thing. To that end, it was impossible for me to hold back the tears and I sat and tried as hard as I could.

Thomas told me, in a way that was beautiful, that I matter. I matter to him as a friend and as a human. Not just as a consultant and mentor, but as a human. To me, those words , coming from a bit of Vulcan were better than any solo Jimmy Page could play. And he was tough...asking me why I've been kidding myself. Why have I not asked for help. Why do I sacrifice the way I do. Why all the miles. And me with not an answer one. Why, because had I talked I'm sure I would have cried out loud....and I don't cry in public, in front of men. Don't.

But when I got in my car and drove away, I turned the corner, parked and burst into tears. Sobbing and gasping for air. What a tough conversation. And later feeling a bit of a silly drama queen, I realized that it wasn't tough at all. It was perfect. Especially when he demanded that he be an active participant in my change.

So in the course of a few days, a few friends have told me how much they love me. How much they need me and how much they want me to be around. And I'm having a tough time taking this all in.

Today, I was numb and today, like a lot of days when I hurt all over...I had trouble eating. See, food for me is a drug. And so when I hurt, I wants lots of drugs. Starting with an apple has often lead to finishing with a Large Pizza and so, I just don't know how to pet the burning dog. I finally forced some food in. Finally. And I didn't seek the solace of a binge.

Thank you Thomas. Blessing isn't a good enough word. I Love You, Brother! And I don't want to let myself down and take you along with me. I'm glad I was listening today. Tin Foil and All.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey where are you???
    Did you poof yourself?
    Please come back.
    you just got here (:
    4251 days ago
    Wow! :)
    4261 days ago
    I'm glad that you have a supportive friend. My mom used to say that we meet a lot of people in our lives, but if you have 1 TRUE friend, you're a lucky person. I would say that you ARE a lucky guy! By the way, I bust out laughing when I saw the pic of the hands free cell phone!
    4274 days ago
  • ATR_1983
    I am so happy you have people in your life who care about you. I can tell you are an amazing person. Use and lean on the people who care about you because it will make this journey you are on to loosing weight that much easier. You can and will do this. Believe in yourself because I know your friends and family believe in you. You can do it!
    4276 days ago
    The only thing I can say is, "Let it Grow". Here's a long distance dedication to you by way of Eric Clapton. . .

    I'm standin' at the crossroads
    Tryin' to read the signs
    To tell me which way I should
    Go to find the answer
    And all the time I know
    Plant your love and let it grow.

    Let it grow, let it grow,
    Let it blossom, let it flow.
    In the sun and in the snow
    Love is lovely, let it grow.

    Lookin' for a reason
    To check out of my mind.
    Its so hard to find a
    Friend that I can count on.
    There's nothin' left to show,
    Plant your love and let it grow.

    Let it grow...

    Time is gettin' shorter
    And there's much for you to do,
    Only ask and you will get what you are needin',
    The rest is up to you.
    Plant your love and let it grow.
    4276 days ago
    you gotta believe in yourself !!!! You CAN do this =) one day at a time. You are such a blessed man to have so many people in your life that care for you so much !!! thanks for sharing emoticon
    4276 days ago
    Wow! What an amazing friend you have! Do you know what that tells me? You are an amazing person! Time to face facts. This journey cannot be about self loathing but rather self love. Realizing you deserve more from yourself! With all the support I am sure you can make great changes in your life!

    4277 days ago
    Your friends have let you know that you matter and they love you, now you have to believe that as well! You are insanely talented (which I can tell without ever having met you in person) which can be such a gift to the world but you have to believe in yourself to be able to give to the world. Although your humor is outstanding, if the "happy Dave" is the only one you allow your friends to see, they can't be there to help or even know you need help unless you share the bad along with the good. Glad you have Thomas--you have to be able to be a "Thomas" to yourself as well! I hope you have an excellent week knowing that you matter as much as the next person and that we're all rooting for you!!
    4277 days ago
    See, this is hard work. Dont let anyone fool you--and it sounds like you are one of those very very fortunate men who have honest friends. REAL friends. You must really be something to have this much love in your life!!!
    Can you send Tommy(oops, Thomas..sorry...came back and edited for that) across the country for me, too? I need someone to listen and not judge too. and to offer help.
    Yes, you are a very fortunate man...
    4277 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/6/2009 8:24:52 AM
    I think you know how fortunate you are.
    My friends have drifted, moved, and couldn't deal with a spinal cord injury I have.
    I am feeling sorry for myself right now.
    I am happy for you though.
    You have people in your life that truly care about you, and go out of their way to show it.
    I haven't felt that in many years.
    It's wonderful to be loved isn't it?
    4277 days ago
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