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It was a CONCIOUS decision...

Thursday, September 24, 2009

if you can believe that! I decided to not open sparkpeople anymore. I found myself getting too stressed out about getting points and it seemed to be making me crazy! To be honest and open about things, I felt trapped. I guess it was my psychy giving me crap about changing my body once again. Losing weight is really hard and is really challenging and I kept reminding myself of that. Instead of doing what I said I was doing which is changing my lifestyle, in truth, it felt terribly hard and unreal. I'm not sure what my problem is. I guess that is why I've come back to sparkpeople.

I went to get an annual check-up. I haven't had one in a really long time. I see my OB/GYN once a year, but not a general dr for an overall check-up. I started having a pain in my sternum, on the right side. It became so intense that I called my mom in tears (out of fear) to get me an appointment with her dr's office. They got me in right away and did an EKG. I'm 32 and lying there getting my first EKG! I was shaking when it was going on...I felt like crying. But it came back normal. The doctor chalked it up to overstretching my muscles and gave me orders to rest and take advil for the pain. It is still there, but it has never gotten as bad as that day. He ordered bloodwork because at 236 pounds, he is concerned about cholesterol. It came back that my bad cholesterol is ok, but my good cholesterol is too low. He wanted me to take medications, but I decided to just start taking Fish Oil everyday instead.

I'm really messed up though. I just don't understand why eating good is so hard for me. I found a nugget of truth in my journaling recently that I think I'll do a seperate blog about later. It makes a lot of sense, but it seems like when I realized this particular something, my eating became a lot worse and I just sort of gave up for a while. Maybe it is my body's way of controlling me and keeping me safe?? We shall see. I am sad that I let spark people go, but I am relieved it is still here waiting for me.
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  • no profile photo CD2946534
    Welcome back. What's done is done & I'm happy you've reached out. I'm glad your results came back ok & that you're taking steps to increase your HDL. Anytime you need us, we're here for you!
    4216 days ago
  • MEPIN1
    Thank you so much for your kind words! It means a whole lot!! I know that it is about my journey and to make it my own...I need to work on keeping that in my head at all times! :)

    Thanks again! Talk to you soon!

    Melissa
    4216 days ago
  • DRAGONFLYSPIRIT
    Oh, Sweetie, I am glad that your EKG was normal and your bad cholesterol was low. I know how you were feeling about letting the pounds and the points get into your head. Everyone else is doing fabulous and you are stuck in a rut. I was that way a few months ago. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and give up. I dropped out of SP, the challenges I was in and the teams I was on. The time away seemed to help put things in perspective and I feel like I came back stronger than ever.
    Take on this challenge: Do this for YOU. Take care of YOU. If you want to take a SHORT break from SP so you can relax, recharge, and re-evaluate your plan, take a week away, do like I did, be stealth and lurk in the background of SP. That way you are still keeping up with SP and learning how to get healthy, but you are doing it without pressure of having to rack up the points or take off the pounds as quickly as 3 other gals on your team.
    This journey is all about you, take it at the pace you are comfortable with for now. When you are ready, kick it up a notch, no pressure.
    Remember, all of us at SP need you as our inspiration and motivation. We are here for you whenever you need us. Take care of you. emoticon
    4217 days ago
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