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Monday, September 07, 2009

I have not been able to get motivated today at all. I have just been doing puzzles and watching my favorite program "Charmed" I love this show I use to watch it 4 times a day when it was on TNT that many times. Now I own all 8 seasons of it on DVD and I can watch it whenever I want. My sister and I have shared so many charmed moments together. It has made us closer. So being alone today I did what I like to do most. So it is a nice day here the weather seems ok. So when this is done I will go and do my walk for today. It is so hard to get motivated but I will do it. To be truthful I have this problem and it causes me to be afraid to go for walks. I had polio when I was a child it is a muscle and neuro disease. I now am disabled with PPS post polio. All the neurons are tired that were left after the disease killed many when it occurred. So now all the rest are very tired. It is hard for me you have to keep those muscles from not getting more atrophy yet you cannot over do it. The doctor said one day I will wake up and just not be able to walk. M whole body will be tired. This is very scary. So the other problem seems to be for mean because of muscle damage my system of muscles are not as strong as they should be. I was diagnosed with irritable bowel and this makes the walking harder if you know what I mean. I have to eat or I have no strength, yet if I eat too much I never finish the walk I have to hurry back home. I get so upset with my own body it is so upsetting that you have no control over it. That is what dieting and eating right has in common, we control what we eat. It is all our decision what we do. So I am trying hard to get a handle on this. This is one of the other reason why I do exercise tapes too cause at least I am at home. So I am venting today. Hope this was ok. I need to write this out to vent.
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