Doing Battle Within Myself
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I've been at this weight loss thing for more of my 49 years than not. I've tried every diet known to man, done every program, spent thousands of dollars on gyms, programs, equipment in my life. I have succeeded at times, been determined to never gain weight again, and then done just that, usually plus more than I did the last time.
A little more than a year ago, I found SP and its message of lifestyle change versus "diet" really resonated with me, because goodness knows I'd done the diet route and that doesn't work, or at least it certainly hasn't worked for me. So, I came up with this mantra of "baby steps," and certainly have found many friends here that live by the same mantra.
I have changed much about my lifestyle in a good, healthy way over these last months. I've lost about 30 pounds, and I have incorporated regular physical activity into my life pretty consistently.
The war certainly continues to be waged, as I have much, much more weight to lose, but I can live with that, I can live with the gradual weight loss that comes from the gradual lifestyle adjustments that I believe with all my heart are here to stay. I have won many battles.
There is one enemy that continues to get the best of me. I have talked about it, I have joked about it, I have studied it, I have analyzed it, I have tried all sorts of modification techniques, and yet, there it is, still waiting for me every single night. The urge to eat everything in sight at night, after dinner is over and the kitchen is cleaned up and my son and sometimes my DH are in bed.. I have this restless sense...what can I eat? And, because much of the worst choice food is not even in my house, I improvise..and I just keep going and going, till I feel yucky and finally drag myself upstairs.
For a long time, I just didn't come back downstairs after I would go up with my son for his nighttime rituals, this went on for a long time. But, I don't want to admit defeat, I will not give into the idea that I cannot master this, that I have to avoid it. First, avoidance is just not healthy, and second, you know, sometimes it's nice to be in my house when it's kind of quiet, relaxing on the couch, watching some grown-up television, reading the newspaper, hanging out with DH... all that stuff. .
Gotta figure it out..otherwise, all this great work will be for naught..