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Sometimes, I'm just at my wits end..

Friday, February 13, 2009

Thursdays is Cub Scout day for my son. A couple of Thursday's a month, my son's den meets, and one Thursday a month is the Pack meeting. The two monthly den meetings begin at 6:30 pm, and most Thursdays DH is not home in time to take him to those meetings, so the duty falls to me. It is the most miserable hour of the week for me, by far. My son is a bundle of energy, all the time (Katherine, you might not want to read this!). For the most part, he is able to contain that energy. He does very well in school, he's good in church and Sunday school, and he knows when he's playing sports that if he doesn't listen to his coach and do what he's supposed to, we will simply leave. In every other instance, he has begun to exhibit the self-control one would expect of a child his age.

But for reasons I can't explain, this whole Cub Scout experience is completely out of control. Now, he's not the only one running around and wreaking havoc, but he certainly is one of the 2 or 3 kids that has a hard time just walking back to his seat and listening to the den leader after all the running around when they are called back to have their meeting. And no matter how much I try, and how many times he tells me he is going to behave, it just doesn't seem to happen. He won't listen to me, he speaks out of turn, he is fresh to his fellow scouts, he's a little monster. Now, the thing that baffles me is that this is the only place he behaves like this. I have asked his teacher if he exhibits this kind of behavior in school, she says no. I see him playing sports and this behavior is nowhere to be seen.

I have had conversation after conversation with him about what Cub Scouts is about and how it's supposed to be about learning to be a good citizen and a good person. My husband has done the same. He claims to understand, but then, it just keeps happening. I have seriously considered just pulling him, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I mean, he's never going to learn if I just take him away from it. I'm not even sure he's miss it all that much if I did pull him from it..but you know, this is the only activity he has that is aimed at building character, so I"m really torn about taking him from it, even though it certainly does not seem like he's learning anything.

I have thought about talking to the den master. Now, this man is just one of the dads in the group. He's never done it before, and I honestly believe that the behavior begins when the running around chaos happens...I mean, it's 6:30 at night, it's been a long day, and thinking that a bunch of 6 and 7 year olds are just going to calm done on a dime after being allowed to run around this huge room (the meetings are held in a school cafeteria) is probably not the best approach to getting the most out of them at that hour. But, some of the kids are fine, and some are not.

I don't know how to try to have the conversation without making the guy think I think he needs to take more control over what they do. And, make no mistake, I am not making excuses for my son, because NO ONE is harder on him than I. That said, I'm not overbearing or too hard, but I do make him tow the line because he needs a firm hand.

I don't know a lot of things, but what I do know is that I cannot keep watching this, because it is so upsetting to me that it really puts me in a funk for that night and even the next day..and I start yelling at him and it's not healthy or pretty, this much I know.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 2LABS2LOVE
    emoticon Ahhh...this is all ahead of me! I can see Nason leading the pack...literally!

    Perhaps Tony just likes these few boys so much that he can't help himself. I feel for you. I wish I had some answers for you, but since I am having the same issues...I wish I knew the answer. I know...lots of WINE!

    emoticon

    Hang in there...this to shall pass!

    Christie
    4252 days ago
  • CYNEDRA
    I am a little late in posting, and every one else might be right with their thoughts. But I had another idea. Is he just tired by Thursday night? Is the moving around, etc, just an attempt to keep awake. My son is much younger, but when he is tired, his behavior gets worse. I also remember (sort of) back when I was a kid that by Thursday I was sometimes tired. I'm probably wrong, but it is something to think about.
    4276 days ago
  • OMELYN
    OMG Tina, My He$# Night, aka Pack Meeting night is one Monday a month... compound your valid and apparently rampant concerns by the fact that we have religious ed on mondays from 5-6 before the Pack mtg most months.

    I almost hate it. The running must be a requirement. I've been involved in Girl Scouts as a parent for years. It is nothing like this. I was ready to "quit" after last year, but my girlfriend (who has a7th grade son) assured me it gets better as they get older, and that when they are Boy Scouts it is well worth it. My DH has had class on Monday nights 3 of the 4 semesters we've been involved. His brother is the treasurer of the Pack. I'm stuck for awhile.

    Nothing to offer tonight accept understanding, sympathy and the reminder that if your Pack is like mine, the "Blue and Gold" banquet and Pinewood derby are soon, and we'll be done for the year soon after that.
    Lynn
    4276 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/14/2009 1:23:29 AM
  • _RAMONA
    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}

    I know how you feel, Tina. My 4-year-old GIRL is the same in only certain situations. She exhibits wonderful self-control and leadership qualities everywhere else. What I've noticed is that it happens in situations where the 'adult in charge' really isn't... and if you really think this has to change, that's where I'd start.

    But perhaps you'd like to take a step back first and consider whether or not it really has to change. Are there signs that the 'adults in charge' are upset by this? Is he the 'ring keader' of the mayhem, or just too easily led astray? Do you want him in the activity more than he wants to be there? Maybe this just isn't his thing. These questions have helped me maintain perspective... and don't get me wrong... I HATE it when my love behaves below my expectations and below where I know she is capable, but it can't be my role to 'ride herd on her' in every situation. The leader of the pack has to be the leader of the pack.

    What is making an impact on my daughter is that, after the fact, we talk about her behaviour, to flat out state what I don't like seeing, to tell her how people generally perceive children who behave in this fashion (other people think you don't want to be good, other people won't trust you with ceertain things) and to talk to her about good choices and being a good example for others to follow. I blatantly say that not all children make good choices, and that she would be a better friend if she helped her others by choosing better... it's her job as a friends to teach good choices. She laps this up like anything. Dunno... might work with your son. Also, in situation where I need for her to meet a standard of behavior, we simply leave when she doesn't - no matter how awkward... just like you do with the sports. We've only have to do this a couple of times to make the point... now we only ned say, "Looks like you are ready to leave" and the out of control behaviour stops.

    "I don't know a lot of things, but what I do know is that I cannot keep watching this, because it is so upsetting to me that it really puts me in a funk for that night and even the next day." I would say remove yourself and don't watch this. It's impacting negatively on you and your relationship with your son. If the 'adults in charge' aren't intervening, you need to do something different for yourself. A child's extra-curricular activity just isn't worth it.

    Again,
    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}

    4277 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/14/2009 10:48:28 PM
  • no profile photo CD1426087
    Well Tina, after you tell me I may not want to read your blog today, you know I have to come and read it. LOL

    Actually it makes me feel better that there are others out there struggling with their kids. Since this is the only place your son does it, it probably is lack of structure with the leader. I'm sure you don't look forward to those evenings. But look at the bright side, someday they will be grown and have kids of their own. LOL
    4277 days ago
  • NO-41_RAZZYS_PL
    Tina... he's ONLY 7-8 yr old, and you know as well as I do (or you wouldn't want to try to say something to the dad that's trying to teach 'character') that... the guy's got it ALL wrong!! First of all, in order for a child to LEARN anything, they HAVE to be kept BUSY with earning ranks and badges, that have a bit of exciting 'to do' stuff. Your son is BORED- he doesn't come there to get a lecture, and he's going to KEEP building up a resentment TO Cub Scouts if he STAYS in that 'crippled' learning environment! He NEEDS a more ACTIVE team. Are there any other teams that you know of? That CAN'T be the only Cub Scouts team in your area, can it?! He really needs a lot of... oh, teaching that incorporates all the wonderful Scouts' philosophy like getting to serve his community and PARTICIPATING IN ACTIVITIES... those ARE the things that HELP him to develop his character- NOT some 'droning' blah, blah, blah, going on- with some man towering over him giving a sermon. It sounds like... it is the pack, not the son, that is out of sync, Sweetie. Just because it 'says' it's part of the BIG PICTURE (as far as the organization goes) doesn't mean that it's anything but a poorly run class room! FIND him another pack. He's isn't happy there and YOU know how he is when he IS 'in his happy place' and I'm SURE he doesn't want to disappoint you or his dad, so he won't tell you that his pack SUCKS!! You're sooo GREAT at seeing to his needs and giving him a WONDERFUL little boy life, Tina, and that's WHY this irks you!! You KNOW this should be FUN... now tell me... IF you were a little boy... would you be THRILLED with THAT pack?!! Just a thought, Lovie.
    Love, emoticon
    *´¨)
    ¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ *Annie
    4277 days ago
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