That Scale, Part II... and going from KNOWING to OWNING My New Way of Life
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
It has been almost a week since I swore off the daily swings of the scale. Well, I got on it this morning, and to my great, great, pleasure, found that I have lost 3 lbs since last Wednesday, which is the last time I weighed myself. Other than losing 3 lbs in a week, which is a pretty big deal itself, it is a much bigger deal because by refusing to watch the daily swings, I have taken the "head game" part of eating away.
By taking the daily weigh-ins away, I have been able to concentrate more on just eating as well as I can as often as I can. No frustration (and the eating that comes with that frustration) from unexplained increases, no internalized complacency after a particularly good day or days, just plain doing the best I can for the sake of doing the best I can, and coupling that with a manageable, not overwhelming but according to all the experts very adequate exercise program, and daily visits to SP to keep in touch with my goals and buddies, these are all the core aspects of what is really, a very simple process when you peel enough of the onion away to look at it.
I won't say that I don't still think about getting on that scale every single day...I do. I am "addicted" to it, but I did not give in for a week, and I don't plan on giving in anytime soon. Once a week, for my mental health, and for the health of my program. This journey is, in many ways, in its infancy. It is amazing to me that after years and years of ups and downs, I can still be learning and growing. I think I can honestly say I have never been more prepared to call this a way of life and not a "diet," to know these are lifestyle changes and not temporary adjustments. In the past, I have lost HUGE amounts of weight, sometimes through lots of physcial activity, sometimes through just eating better...but I have never found that balance of both, coupled with a plan. This despite psychological, nutritional and medical counselling... I have always KNOWN the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's" but I have never OWNED them. I do now, and going from KNOWING them to OWNING them is a process.
I think the most important part of this journey was the realization from deep, deep down inside myself that getting to the gym (or exercising, in general), is not a luxury it's a necessity. It is always easy to say something, but then, knowing it in your gut, well, that brings ownership of it. And I began to understand and own it when I realized that for all the years since I've become a mother, I really did think of going to the gym as a luxury, one that, as a full-time working mother I couldn't afford...when suddenly my blood pressure was up higher than it should be, and suddenly, it wasn't a luxury anymore, it just HAD TO BE. But you know, even once I took OWNERSHIP of the concept, it wasn't any easier to get to the gym.
Then, one fateful early December morning, I found those fitness videos "on demand." And suddenly, it all fell into place.. get up 40 minutes earlier in the morning, do 30 minutes, and be done with your cardio 5 days a week before stepping in the shower, then going to the gym on Saturdays to do some machine cardio work.. That sure beat needing 75 minutes to get 45 minutes 4x a week at the gym in, because by the middle of the day, well, life just happens, you know?? And so , as often as it was getting done, it wasn't. It finally clicked, and was finally something I could do without adding more stress to my life, and there it is. And the strength training? I do that at night, in my bedroom where I have my free weights, my leg weights, and my bench, and my DS often comes in and chats with me while I'm doing it. It's the best of all worlds, and very, very satisfying.
So it has finally, after almost 50 years of living this life, all fallen into place at the same time. I've a LONG WAY TO GO, and I know there are unknown, unknowable, obstacles ahead...but, as Scarlett O'Hara (who I am very laughingly comparing myself to right now) said..."tomorrow is another day, I'll worry about that tomorrow." (did she say exaclty that?? heck, I don't know!!)