The Thorn in my Side
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
This week I am suppose to write about the one thing that I really have trouble with. I guess that would be exercise and beating myself up for it. I just down right hate it. I hate sweating. I hate taking time out of my day to do it. I feel like I am only making more muscle that will hurt more with my fibromyalgia since fibro makes my muscles hurt...less muscle = less hurt. I have tried everything...I go to the pool and do water jogging and stretches...I have even tried changing my routine there. I spent a bundle getting a WII sport and WII fit...I have tried all the new things that I have opened up on it...the yoga...the hula hooping (which I am a pro at by the way) the strength training kills me on it. I have no balance so I do balance on it (knowing that the Med's I take are the reason for my balance). I walk around the neighborhood. I have walked and pushed the baby in the stroller around the neighborhood. I have tried heavy house work. Gardening. the treadmill. the cardio glide....the list goes on and on...I still hate it!! It doesn't make me feel better...I never get that high from exercising...you know the one that is suppose to make you want to do more.
Yet I get up every morning with dread until I finally get exercise done and out of the way. I do it like my life depends on it. with all the gusto i can give it!! most times until I can't do anymore without collapsing. Then the rest of the day is gone to pot because I am sooooo pooped. that is also a side effect of the fibro...
I know my life does depend on it!! It has brought down my blood readings almost within normal within the last 3 months. My doctor was really impressed!! My triglycerides cut in half. My cholesterol within normal. My BP below normal. My sugar A1C was a 5.8!!! For a diabetic that is a great feat!! She even cut some of my Med's. I know as my weight goes down it will only get better. So I know that exercise is working....Why do I feel that it is a waste of time? Why do I feel like it is taking the fun out of my life?
I judge my progress by the scales and the mirror...that is why. Scales and mirror are only devices. If they don't move then I beat myself up!! I shouldn't have ate so much yesterday. I should have exercised more...and more...and more. I have beat myself up all week because I have had a horrible cold and didn't feel like exercising but I still lost weight. And I still beat myself up!!
So what am I going to do about it?? Like it or not I have to keep it up!! It is just going to have to become a part of my life period. Eventually I WILL find something that will make me feel better about it. Maybe when I see the results in the mirror. Or when I can finally fit in that size 10 little black dress and not look flabby in it. Or when I get in that sexy bathing suit when I go to the beach this fall. I resolve to keep on keeping on exercising. I won't let the fibro keep me from it. I won't let the scales and mirror be my only reason for dieting. I will think of my health to keep me going. Pat myself on the back because I did good becaused I exercised today!!