YE GODS! Time flies....
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Wow! It has been ages since I have posted here. So much has happened. Most of it I talk about in my group, but here is a not so brief synopsis...now where to begin:
Well, the beginning I suppose. Last year was a rough year emotionally for me. Early in the year I began to withdraw. It got worse and worse to a point where I didn't care about anything....at all. I had moments of okay....good things did happen to me last year for which I am eternally grateful. I also learned I'm a better actress than I thought. *sighs*...but I felt as if I was drowning. From spending 5 hours a night on the computer, I went to just checking email...I stopped chatting at work *GASP* and became very antisocial. I never left the apartment except to go to work. I was sad and hated myself...for absoultely no reason that I could fathom. I finally went to the doctor in December at the urging of my boss,who thought I was perimenopausal. After running all sorts of tests, I was diagnosed with depression of all things.(Apparently my brain is not making enough seratonin anymore hence my year long funk). He put me on lexapro.I didn't realize how bad it was until I started to feel better and people were to welcoming me back, hugging me and just had looks of utter relief.(I love my friends). *LOL* People knew something was wrong a lot sooner then I did. So that explains my extremely anti-social behavior of the last several months. Now at long last I am back to my relatively normal, cheerful, sassy, occasionally naughty, rambling self.
I had a wonderful Christmas with my sister and her family. They took me for my first visit to the Hotel Del Coronado and it was just beautiful. I can see why my sister and my niece are so enchanted by it. I spent Christmas eve some of my spanking family. I had a blast! Kathy spent the entire day trying to get me in trouble with Floyd. Oh my goodness, it felt so good to laugh so hysterically. I finally did get in trouble though...for NOT getting in trouble. *ROFL* I did redeem myself however, as I stuck my tongue out at Kathy as we passed by...of course she promptly tattled on me! It was a wonderful vacation and the best Christmas I have had in over 8 years.
January 17, I slipped and fell on a patch of black ice and messed up my leg very badly.(Yes we do get ice on odd occasions in Vegas). One day the nurses and my Chief Nuc Med tech were looking at my leg, and Jimmy( The nuc med tech) suddenly went all Toppie on me. *giggles* He lectured me about not going to the doctor sooner and made me promise I would go to the doctor that day. He even had me "Yes sirring" him. I suppose one could say I am just a wee bit stubborn(But you didn't hear it from me!) I know I will hear about this from my REAL Toppie friends when next I see them . I ended up at the doctor's and found out I had cellulitis which is just nasty. I was put on antibiotics and have only one sore that is refusing to heal, but that should resolve itself soon. I declared that this is as bad as this year is going to be and it can only get better from here. So there!
As a result of my enforced down time due to my leg, and my feeling ever so much better with the medication, I have spent a large amount of time lately in deep contemplation and doing a lot of soul searching. So much good has come of it. I am feeling very centered, very grounded and very happy.
Let's see what else...Oh! My dark Celt is back in my life. I had been afraid I would never see him again, so imagine my surprise when he contacted me on December 18th! I was so relieved to hear his voice on my voice mail, I absolutely lost it. Cried for about a half hour in sheer relief and joy. I was so afraid he was going to harm himself after he disappeared. In any event, I had a date with one of my favorite people in the whole entire world. He is the one Bad Boy in my life and I absolutely adore him(even knowing I couldn't possibly live with him, cause I would eventually want to do him harm! *LOL*)
I had not seen him in a year and a half. I was all sorts of twitterpated. I did all the typical girl things to get ready! *LOL* Hair, nails...even my toes!It wouldn't have mattered though, if I had done none of those things. We had the most wonderful time. He took me out to dinner and to see Cirque de Soliel's Love. The absolute best part of our date though, was all the talking we did. I understand him so much better now and love him even more dearly. I felt so much closer to him and am so grateful he trusted me enough to open up to me. He is doing so very much better now. He is so happy in his new home. I can't wait to visit him. I have never been to New Orleans. He lives right in the middle of the French Quarter. Actually, he is one of the items I have been pondering and working on... lo these many weeks. It a very long story, but suffice it to say I was in love with him at one time...I will always love him, but he will only ever be a dear friend.
I have also been contemplating a new real relationship, we'll see. He started out as a good friend I have known for two years, but over the last year we have become closer. I'm just enjoying the journey!
I had gained 14 pounds during the winter. We started "Biggest Loser" competition at work on March 3rd. I have lost 12 pounds in since then and am almost back down to where I was before I got sick and then fell. Yea me! 8 more pounds and I will be 299...for the first time in I can't even tell you how long! This tells you how far I have come...there was a time when NO ONE knew how much I weighed. My mama died never knowing my weight. But I have discovered that it is just a number. I love who I am, right now. The important thing is to continue to get healthier. The weight loss is just gravy.(Although I admit....I am jazzed about my goal)
Which pretty much brings us to today. Which is pretty cool. Life is good...I am good....and there is a lot of promise in the future.
Part two to follow....*LOL*