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Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Asthma, Sleep Apnea, Degenerative Disc Disease, Factor V Leiden, Protein-S Deficiency, Chronic Venous Insufficiency, PCOS, Anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD. I wanted to get that out in the open first thing. I''m not asking for sympathy; I listed my health issues because I know other people are out there suffering the same or similar difficulties. It''s tough staying motivated when everything hurts. When it''s a bad day emotionally, it''s even harder. I used to be in pretty good shape. As a teenager, I was just 100% absolutely without-a-doubt positive that I was humongous. Looking back, I''d love to knock some sense into myself. When in my mid-20s, I developed venous stasis ulcers. My ankles & lower part of calves were rotting away. After fighting it for about 18 months, I admitted defeat; it hurt so much & the damage kept spreading. I was admitted to the hospital by a vascular surgeon. He hoped to replace the faulty valves that played a part in a series of blood clots (including small pulmonary embolisms & a completely occluded inferior vena cava). Further testing showed he wouldn''t be able to place the artificial valves because I had no valves in my legs; with nothing to work with, he had no way to connect them to blood vessels. After a lot of blood work, I was diagnosed with Factor V & protein-s. The wounds were treated by pumping me full of heparin for about 2 weeks & wearing knee-high compression dressings on each leg. I was sent home with the dressings still on & on a high dose of Coumadin. Home health came out 2x weekly to test my INR (how "thin" my blood was) & to change the dressings on my legs. Peeling dried bandaging off of a slowly healing wound is not anything I ever want to experience again. I could barely walk & I wasn''t discharged to return to work. I missed my job (special education) & became more & more depressed. I started gaining weight then, eating too much because of my depression. Once I regained some mobility, I lost some weight but not all I had gained. I still couldn''t return to work & had to go on disability. The significantly lower monthly income was a shock & led to further depression (cue weight gain). Life wasn''t fair; I was too young for this. I stayed depressed then, my weight going up & down. I thought things couldn''t get worse; I was wrong. My husband & I had a beautiful baby boy, born with multiple severe disabilities, one being hydrocephalus. I had to deliver him naturally (no epidural or pain meds). I wasn''t aware of it at the time, but I almost died. Our baby went through many surgeries, on & off a ventilator. He was discharged numerous times, the constant back-and-forth an emotional & financial drain. On 10 November 2012, I fed him & gave him his morning medicines. He was happy & wiggly. All of a sudden, he just stopped breathing. We''d had to give him CPR in the past, always succeeding, but this time it didn''t. He was rushed to the nearest ER, and it took 90 minutes to bring him back. It should''ve been impossible, and I accepted it for the blessing it was. He was then flown to the (thankfully) nearby Children''s Hospital. For the next two months, he would improve & worsen repeatedly. It was the most emotionally taxing experience in my life until the worst happened. On 7 January 2013, just after midnight, he died in my arms. He would''ve been 2 the next day. I broke. I just couldn''t function after that. The depression grew ever darker, and I was also diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD. I had flashbacks all the time to begin with. He was in my lap when he quit breathing at home. I kept reliving that moment. It drove me to self-injury (cutting). I stayed in bed most of the time (eating junk food). As I gradually started to improve mentally, I noticed how much weight I''d gained & how horribly out-of-shape I was (all physical ailments aside). I''d watch my diet and begin exercising, but the depression remained. I wouldn''t feel like going to the gym one day, then the next, and next, etc.. I couldn''t stay focused and motivated. I stopped going and felt it was too hard to start going again. My husband started going, which helped me. He doesn''t drive so I took him, and I worked out while there. Then he had a stroke. He''s improved a lot, but the home health physical therapist hasn''t released him yet. He can''t get out much while home health still visits. Hopefully, he''ll be able to return to the gym this month. Reading through this, I realize I have disclosed a lot of personal things. I find that it doesn''t bother me like it used to. Maybe it''s my medications or perhaps it''s going to therapy on a regular basis. Whatever the cause, I feel comfortable posting this here. Current Goals: - eat more organic/natural foods & less sugary/over-processed ones - do at least a little physical activity every day - go back to the gym & start going to water aerobics again - drink more water Known Obstacles : - high price of eating healthy - depression telling me "Why bother? - hate going to gym alone - water aerobics in morning & not a morning person I have a weight loss goal set because this app prompted me to, but I''m honestly more concerned with eating healthier foods, and getting (& staying!) in the habit of exercising. If I happen to lose weight I certainly won''t complain, but I want to focus on an overall healthier lifestyle.

Member Since: 10/10/2015

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