REDSHOEBLUE
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  • v SHARON10002
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    Happy Friday!! I noticed when looking at the grocery ads that June is designated as National Dairy Month. I thought it might be appropriate to start off the month with some milk jokes. I'll apolgize right now, because a couple of these are utterly ridiculous!

    Where do astronauts get their milk?
    From the Milky Way.

    What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow?
    Spoiled milk.

    I bought a can of evaporated milk, but when I opened it - it was empty.

    What kind of milk do yo get from a brown cow?
    Chocolate milk.

    What do you call a cow that won't give milk?
    A milk dud.

    What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow?
    Milk of Amnesia.

    I hope these jokes weren't too sour for you.

    Have a wonderful Friday, and a wonderful weekend!
    62 days ago
  • v SHARON10002
    It's Motivational Monday, and it's the first full week of the new month of June. I just love synchronicity! Start down the path to your goals with these thoughts to keep your spirits high while moving forward each and every day this month!!!
    Have a good week and an even better month!


    emoticon J - Joy is food for the spirit. Love is food for the body and soul.
    emoticon O – Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll experience positive results.
    emoticon Y - You can handle whatever life throws at you today.
    emoticon F - Focus on the present moment to discover the positive in your day.
    emoticon U – Understand that the present moment is all you ever have.
    emoticon L – Love yourself as you are no matter where you are in your journey.


    emoticon J - Just breathe . . . relax . . . feel your stress melt away.
    emoticon U – Use mistakes as stepping stones to deeper understanding of yourself.
    emoticon N – No matter how high the mountain is, it cannot block the sun.
    emoticon E – Envision success in meeting your goals through the power of intention.

    Let's find our joy and happiness in ourselves in June!
    66 days ago
  • v SHARON10002
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    It's Friday once again! I think these jokes will be just what the doctor ordered to tickle your funny bone because they're actually quite "humerous."

    A mother complained to the family doctor that her daughter laid in bed all day long, and all she would eat is yeast and car wax." "What will happen to her, doctor?"
    He replied, "Eventually she will rise and shine."

    Funny medical one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries:

    Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

    Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

    On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

    The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

    Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

    Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


    What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some coins?
    A: "Do you see any change in me?"

    Why did the doctor tell his nurse to be very quiet while walking past the supply cabinet?
    A: So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.


    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to his doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

    During his follow-up visit the following week, the doctor greeted Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?!"
    Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
    The doctor replied, "I didn't say that. I said, you've got a heart murmur. Be careful!"

    Finally, here's your Tip of the Day . . . "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." - Erma Bombeck

    If these jokes have given you a headache, take two aspirin, and text me in the morning.

    Enjoy your weekend!
    76 days ago
  • v SHARON10002
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    It's Friday once again! I hope these jokes will rise to the occasion. I can promise that it's scone to be a lot of fun. I have taken it upon myself to separate the wheat from the chaff in my endless search for the best jokes to start your weekend off with a good belly laugh or two.
    I'd batter make this short and swheat before these jokes become stale . . .

    What do you call a lawyer who cooks?
    A sue chef.

    A famous Italian chef opened a new restaurant to rave reviews.
    His revenues amounted to a pretty penne.

    Last night I ate a a new restaurant in town, and the food tasted funny.
    Turns out they had hired a circus clown as a part time chef.

    Our local doughnut shop just recently closed. Turns out the owner got tired of the hole thing.

    When baking natural doggie biscuits, make sure you use collie flour.

    It was rumored that Shakespeare might have been a baker.
    After much research, it was found to be much a-dough about muffin.

    Old bakers never retire, they just keep making lots of dough.

    Well, that's about it for this Friday. I think I'll quit while I'm on a roll.
    Enjoy your weekend!
    83 days ago
  • v SHARON10002
    emoticon H – Heart of the Home
    emoticon A - Always Ready to Give A Hug
    emoticon P - Prepared for Anything
    emoticon P - Protective
    emoticon Y -Your rock when times got tough


    emoticon M – Multi-tasker
    emoticon O - Outstretched Arms
    emoticon T - Tender
    emoticon H - Housekeeper
    emoticon E - Empathetic
    emoticon R - Resourceful
    emoticon S - Sentimental

    emoticon D - Dedicated
    emoticon A - Affectionate
    emoticon Y - Your Staunchest Supporter

    Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers - with children, adopted children, four-leggers, or whoever you are a "mother" to . May your Mother’s Day be filled with love and laughter. emoticon
    88 days ago
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